The Couch - 109: CIX-Reintroduction

Art you are a wonderful photographer and the Arizona desert looks quite calming after the deserts we have here.

Thank you! I love the desert here. It soothes my soul.

(((@@)))
I did that a lot when I first left the ex. Literally used to sit and stare at the wall all day til the kids got home from school. It's a strange feeling...

no, no no! its a terrible word!
I was "forced" to have a housecleaner come once a month for my lease, and I always clean up beforehand. She can't clean if there is clutter everywhere, or dishes all over the counter.

I think the desert is beautiful but exhausting... In the heat of the summer it always seems to me that it's screaming one long agonizing note. So different from the soft green rain I grew up with...

Here's a picture of a part of my trail.

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I have never really been to the desert, but I was reading about the great numbers of scorpions they are finding in AZ right now.

We were talking about scorpions in my session today.

I was telling T about when I feel he has disappeared or died or something then I thought I want a t-shirt like the Kenny from south Park...The many deaths of T

I was bitten by a scorpion once (stupidly stuck my hand into a hole). Kind of disappointing - my hand just tingled for a bit and that was it.

How is one forced to have a housekeeper? Hope you don't pay for it. But I don't have the full story either.

The ex has been stung by a bark scorpion twice. 24 hours of full body pain from those little feckers...

You wash your hair before you go to the hairdresser, don't you?

Theres no need to as hairdressers wash your hair whether you need it or not, part of "the service" body shops would be the same i guess. And that was just blatant shaming on Healeds husbands part as my ex used to do the same thing...

Beautiful!

Finished my 90-minutes Chemistry test in 34 minutes. (and it went well! ) Then walked to the psychiatry facility, tripped, skinned my knee, nose, tore one of my favourite trousers, and scratched the frame of my glasses (not the glass ). (and everyone that called me silly for having band-aids in my school bag.. ) Had a fairly good meeting with just about everyone (pdoc, family T, my T, me, parents, sister. First time my sister was there - she actually was very helpful). Went to have lunch - yumm. Showered to clean up the blood from the skinned knee. And now I'm really supposed to be studying my Social Studies test that takes place tomorrow.. and my Physics test that takes place Wednesday.

Around here you usually pay about 5 euros extra to have them wash your hair.

Wow... last night I thanked my h for the fun day we had, and why can't he just say "you're welcome" or "I had a fun day too"? No, he had to say "Well, if you'd stop doing therapy, we could do even longer trips more often." I did not respond, just walked away. It upsets me so much. I still haven't figured out how to talk to him about it and help him understand why I want to continue. He knows I'm taking a break, and probably in his mind thinks I'm not going to go back, but I am.not.quitting yet. When I told him I was pushing out the break until April, he got all snippy about it. I wish I knew what his problem is. Maybe it's a symptom of something else in our marriage I don't know and he's just focusing on the spending money on therapy as something bad instead of whatever is really bothering him. I'm weary of it, whatever it is. And have to fight really hard inside myself to not feel guilty about continuing because he gets me thinking that I am selfish and don't sacrifice enough for our family. I did try to explain that to him one time, I said look at your friend and his wife. She's always getting new things for their house, or new clothes, fancy phones for their kids, etc. I said take a look at my clothes for one - I rarely buy new clothes, most of what I wear to work are skirts my sister made for herself then gave me when she got tired of wearing them, my undergotchies (ha! got to use that word!) all have holes in them, I have 2 pairs of shoes (my tennies and flip flops), I stopped coloring my hair, I buy cheap shampoo, I take my lunch to work, I don't go out drinking with friends etc. etc. don't tell ME I'm not sacrificing. But I don't even look at it as sacrificing, I'm happy with those things because I thought that was what I needed to do in order to go to therapy. I don't know. I guess I just needed to rant a little. Sigh. Now it's time to leave for work. Have a good day, couchies. I'm sorry to be a downer this morning.

(((Artemis)))

Nope I go to the hair dresser with dirty hair. The color stays better and they wash it for me anyway

(((Art)))
The ex used to always have something horrible to say if we ever went out and did something fun together - 'we're never doing that again', 'that meal tasted like sh^t', 'that movie sucked', etc... Never, ever could he say anything good. It was like a disease
And you should do more stuff for yourself. Buy new undies anyway. It feels good to have nice new undies and they won't break the bank

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When I have lived with partners, we have always had a joint account and individual accounts. The joint account was where we both put the same percentage of our income and the individual was our own to do with what we willed. If we wanted a vacation or major home improvement, we would open up an account and add to it until it reached what was needed. I would not do well not having my own individual account. I would not do well being married either -so there is that too.

I think my parents only have shared accounts. My dad is fairly money-conscious and grumples good-naturedly whenever my mum buys something expensive (usually shoes) but he doesn't really mind. They decide on big spendings together.

This is how my husband and I operate, except his money goes in and he rarely sees when it goes out, as long as the bills get paid he's okay.

I had a very small joint account once with one of my husbands for legal purposes, and co-signed a car loan with the other. Other than that, I need individual financial autonomy. We just decided who would pay what budget items or bills.

Perhaps I don't do well with marriage, either.