[clairelisbeth]

At my session on Tuesday, my T and I had a mild disagreement. I told her that I felt mad at her for disagreeing with me, even though I really do want her to always be honest with me (and I know that she is). But I felt unsupported-like she wasn't on my side. We processed my feelings of being mad, and she was as consistent, warm and compassionate as she always is. If anything, she was proud of me for expressing my anger.

I left, and when I got home, I was hit with the most awful, unsettled feeling. I realized that because we disagreed, and because I was feeling mad, I felt a disconnection from my T, and that felt terrible. It really shook me up. I thought about calling or texting her, just to say "I just needed to check to make sure you're still there," but I decided that it wasn't a good enough reason to get in touch, and instead, I sat with feeling disconnected and unsettled for a couple of days.

At our session, she told me that I absolutely could have called, and that meant a lot to me. We processed the disconnected feeling. She said that it was likely because as a child, if my mom and I disagreed, she would get mad at me, and would very often shut me out, giving me the silent treatment for days. I very literally was "cut off and disconnected from" the person that I depended upon for survival. So it makes sense that I would have felt shaken up. She reassured me that we have a very strong relationship and connection, one that can withstand us disagreeing. I'm so grateful that I have a T that I can talk about these things with. I also realized how strong our connection truly is, and how important and life-giving it is for me to have it.

I was wondering about other posters on here, and what connection means to you. Is an emotional connection with your T important to you? How do you maintain it between session, or during or after a hard session or a break, when you or T goes on vacation, or when its a holiday? I've also come to believe that my connection with my T is an integral part of my healing, and was wondering if others felt that way, too.

[atisketatasket]

Emotional connection, no. Intellectual connection, yes. It has the advantage that I can easily forget about them during breaks.

But I think that is not common.

[granite1]

im not really sure about an emotional connection . i dont believe i have one .it does not feel like i do anyway . but when i think she hates me or doesnt want to work with me it bothers me badly . i think that has to do with my history and not really my T. so a connection like that might just be to tough for me to manage and it would get all messy and not end well . i have been there

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have felt the same way about "rifts" with my T. I have such a bad unsettling feeling and temporary loss of connection. I have talked about it with her and she has said that she expects it to happen sometimes because it happens in all relationships. She said she wants me to tell her about it because she doesn't want me sitting with those feelings. Its not fun but they have made our connection and relationship stronger.

The emotional connection and connection in general to my T is important to me and I think its a part of the therapy process. In the past I did have a really hard time maintaining that connection between sessions. I have internalized my T and her love and care. I also record my sessions and I listen to them often. Being able to hear her voice calms me and I feel our connection again. My T also gave me a crystal gemstone as a transitional object that I can carry around. She says its a symbol of our connection.

[clairelisbeth]

Cinnamon-I was giving a gemstone too!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My t and i are very connected. We live on opposite sides of the world and never have scheduled sessions. We just talk when it fits both our schedules. So we have had to get creative about how we stay connected. We have pictures of us togethet, have each others facebook pages, text, email, talk on skype some times, have things in our houses that we have bought each other to remind one of the other. T has also given e several things that i have on display in my house. Things like that.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by clairelisbeth

At my session on Tuesday, my T and I had a mild disagreement. I told her that I felt mad at her for disagreeing with me, even though I really do want her to always be honest with me (and I know that she is). But I felt unsupported-like she wasn't on my side. We processed my feelings of being mad, and she was as consistent, warm and compassionate as she always is. If anything, she was proud of me for expressing my anger.

I left, and when I got home, I was hit with the most awful, unsettled feeling. I realized that because we disagreed, and because I was feeling mad, I felt a disconnection from my T, and that felt terrible. It really shook me up. I thought about calling or texting her, just to say "I just needed to check to make sure you're still there," but I decided that it wasn't a good enough reason to get in touch, and instead, I sat with feeling disconnected and unsettled for a couple of days.

At our session, she told me that I absolutely could have called, and that meant a lot to me. We processed the disconnected feeling. She said that it was likely because as a child, if my mom and I disagreed, she would get mad at me, and would very often shut me out, giving me the silent treatment for days. I very literally was "cut off and disconnected from" the person that I depended upon for survival. So it makes sense that I would have felt shaken up. She reassured me that we have a very strong relationship and connection, one that can withstand us disagreeing. I'm so grateful that I have a T that I can talk about these things with. I also realized how strong our connection truly is, and how important and life-giving it is for me to have it.

I was wondering about other posters on here, and what connection means to you. Is an emotional connection with your T important to you? How do you maintain it between session, or during or after a hard session or a break, when you or T goes on vacation, or when its a holiday? I've also come to believe that my connection with my T is an integral part of my healing, and was wondering if others felt that way, too.

Re: an emotional connection, yes and no. It is important to me. A month ago, T and I had a very deep session, but when I left, I was lost in thought and didn't say 'thank you' or 'bye.' For a week following, I couldn't feel T anywhere. I couldn't sense her/him at work, home, generally in the world. It was a very disconcerting feeling for me. I have thought recently that I might ask for something from T so that I can maintain a connection between sessions and not panic. I don't know what that might be, but it's all I can think of to keep our connection for me. Maybe something similar for you...?

[iheartjacques]

I feel very needy, like I want to text or email all the time and get a response. But unknown why they have their boundaries. So I can go and do some of the work myself and live my life. They also want me to depend on others like family or friends, not on them. It's hard when I trust them more than family or friends n

T has shown me that Disagreements do not equal punishment.
I love how she remains true to who she is during a Disagreement I may have. Unlike the many faces my mother had.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by clairelisbeth

Cinnamon-I was giving a gemstone too!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That is awesome! Its so special isn't it? I cherish mine and bring it everywhere with me!

[junkDNA]

i feel a need to feel connected to my therapist a lot. a lot of the times i text him. i sleep with a stuffed animal he gave me. i write him emails. if he goes on vacation i ask him to text me something reassuring about how its going to be ok, and i look at that when i feel nervous that something terrible happened and hes dead.

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

i feel a need to feel connected to my therapist a lot. a lot of the times i text him. i sleep with a stuffed animal he gave me. i write him emails. if he goes on vacation i ask him to text me something reassuring about how its going to be ok, and i look at that when i feel nervous that something terrible happened and hes dead.

t1 gave me a teddy bear and I usually sleep with it. It used to be always, but now some nights it doesn't feel important.

I also like a reassuring text when t1 is gone. For me, it's not thinking he is dead, but that he won't come back.

[ScarletPimpernel]

With ex-T, I instantly had a connection with her, but always felt like I struggled to maintain it when she was gone. Current T is opposite: I struggled to develop the connection to begin with, but now feel secure when she's gone. By "gone" I mean during the week or vacation. I can email if I need to, but I just don't feel that need. I don't have any transitional objects from her, but I do have pictures of her if I need.