[healed84]

So, my T session on Wednesday has me feeling a bit exposed and I am not exactly sure why. What I noticed was that T had obviously been thinking about me and my issues since my last session, and he told me so pretty early on in my session. He decided that he was naming a particular behavior that I have and was going to refer to it that way from now on. Then, he started talking about countertransference and some of the feeling he has towards me (nothing bad or inappropriate). His demeanor was very soft, encouraging, maybe even fatherly. A lot of my sessions lately have been spent on trying to get me to focus on the fact that just because I do bad things, I am not a bad person, and that is my yucky core shame talking. And T goes on to talk about how sweet, caring, loving, strong, good mother I am, how people trust their kids with me, etc. And with this good encouraging session.. I am feeling exposed, raw.. just uncomfortable. Why?? Does this make any sense at all? I don't believe any of the good things that t says to me, so why do I still feel exposed? I know this is all very personal things, but has anybody ever felt this way after a similar t session?

[Argonautomobile]

How are you with compliments generally? I ask because compliments--particularly coming from someone in a perceived "authority" position or given with a parental air--can make me extremely uncomfortable. If you're not used to hearing or believing nice things about yourself, it can create uncomfortable dissonance to be complimented. You may be waiting for an expected "catch" or qualifier. I think compliments--genuine ones that focus especially on how you make others feel--can simply come with a level of emotional intimacy or honesty that we're unaccustomed to.

My T is pretty conservative with affirmations, probably because I sort of cringe any time he comes close to that territory. So, yes, I've had something like this experience before. I hope it becomes less confusing or uncomfortable for you.

[Argonautomobile]

One final thought--sometimes I balk at compliments because they're sort of inadvertently controlling--that is, another person is thrusting their own interpretation of me on me, one that I may not agree with. That, in addition to your T just "deciding" to name a behavior of yours without your input(?), may have given the session an autocratic flavor.

[awkwardlyyours]

I don't know if this would really apply in your case but sometimes when I'm feeling incredibly raw and exposed after a session, this is what I found when I looked more closely -- stuff that I had a lot of shame (had been beating myself up about) had come out in session --> T had been very gentle, kind, caring etc --> session ended and I was left with my self which meant all my usual nasty thoughts, critical voices etc were now free to jump on to the raw / exposed part that had been buried until then.

Basically, I found that I was feeling so exposed because I needed the therapist to provide me with that gentleness, kindness and compassion for that part that I didn't seem to be able to give myself.

So, with the session ending, it's a bit like the crutch suddenly being taken away without my actually having learnt how to properly walk as yet -- so, without my learning to be gentle towards myself but still having to deal with all the other not-so-nice stuff and rawness around it.

If you think this applies to you, my one suggestion then would be to check if you could have a quick chat with your therapist (even if it's not a full fledged session). So, that way there's bit more of a booster to normalize what happened in session.

[Miri22]

I'm not in therapy anymore, but I am dealing with some depression and stress. There are a couple of my colleagues who have gone out of their way to be kind and helpful to me, even though they do not know the full extent of my issues. I feel very touched but at the same time exposed. Even though I try to not show it at work, I'm apparently not very good at hiding things. I feel such longing for the small amount of nuturing they are showing me. When they offer it I feel like I must be projecting that longing and they can see my neediness. I think that is why I feel exposed.

Not sure if this applies to your situation. Just some thoughts.

[BudFox]

I also felt raw and exposed and uncomfortable with my last T. It wasn't just because I was revealing deeply personal things. It was also because the T was NOT doing this. I was reacting with discomfort and distress, on a visceral level, to this obvious emotional disparity. And for good reason. It's a rather treacherous and unnatural place to be.

The other thing I relate to here is that you don't believe the good things T says to you. Could be core shame, but I think I was also reacting to the fact that my T's authenticity was always in doubt. Nothing she said could be taken at face value, and this made my gut tighten.

[healed84]

Very interesting views here, thank you!

I think it does make sense that I feel this way because I am not used to hearing compliments or inclined to believe them.

I don't think it had do anything to do with feeling like T was too in charge or anything. The naming of my behavior probably made me feel raw because there is something that makes me feel weird to know that t is thinking about me outside of our session time. I mean, I know in order to come up with treatment plans it need to be done. It just feels weird or something.

[LonesomeTonight]

I've experienced that "exposed" feeling before, too. A couple times I think it's been because I've talked about something from my past that I have shame about, so it brought those feelings to the surface. I have trouble taking compliments, too. So it's been difficult when my T has said what a great mom I am or when marriage counselor has said that I'm stronger than I think I am, stuff like that. Or when they've still seemed accepting of me and acted the same around me when I told them about something bad I had done in the present rather than the past.

Possible trigger:

Like when I told T and MC about self-harm, and expected them to be disappointed in or angry with me, but they weren't--they just acted the same as they always do.

[junkDNA]

anytime i talk to my T about my paternal transference for him i feel exposed and want to fold up into a little ball and hide in between the couch cushions. my paternal transference was exploited by a former T in a dangerous and abusive way, so i assume this is why i have my reactions that i do. my T tells me he is reparenting me, that its ok to feel how i feel, its not wrong or stupid, and even that he felt the same things about HIS therapist before. i still feel so uncomfortable talking about OUR relationship and how much he means to me and how attached i am to him...but i do feel more and more relieved as this stuff comes out...cuz ive been holding it in for a while

[nottrustin]

It makes total sense to me. I am the same way and really wish I knew why. A couple of thought I have come up with are

~~ triggers feeling like somebody is grooming. Saying whatever they need to in order to get what they want
~~ I feel like a little kid and an adult is patting me on the head and saying good things to make me feel good
~~so many people in my childhood have verbally said one thing but their actions say another so I don't trust what anybody says.
~~People don't really know me because of my mask so they have no idea what they are talking about.
~~T and other people in my life HAVE to say good things....

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

anytime i talk to my T about my paternal transference for him i feel exposed and want to fold up into a little ball and hide in between the couch cushions. my paternal transference was exploited by a former T in a dangerous and abusive way, so i assume this is why i have my reactions that i do. my T tells me he is reparenting me, that its ok to feel how i feel, its not wrong or stupid, and even that he felt the same things about HIS therapist before. i still feel so uncomfortable talking about OUR relationship and how much he means to me and how attached i am to him...but i do feel more and more relieved as this stuff comes out...cuz ive been holding it in for a while

Yeah, I forgot about the paternal (and occasional erotic) transference thing with my marriage counselor. And I just e-mailed him a couple weeks ago about how I was feeling some twinges of paternal transference again...So, yeah, that makes me feel pretty exposed, too. One of the most uncomfortable moments with my T was telling her how sometimes I just wanted MC to hold me...And when I went to the couple individual sessions with MC to talk about it, I was literally shaking, and usually I'm very at ease around him. And he's been very understanding about it--not talking about the whole reparenting thing like yours is, but saying how it's normal for the feelings to come back and that I was handling it well. I'm sure it's even tougher for you after your former T...

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Yeah, I forgot about the paternal (and occasional erotic) transference thing with my marriage counselor. And I just e-mailed him a couple weeks ago about how I was feeling some twinges of paternal transference again...So, yeah, that makes me feel pretty exposed, too. One of the most uncomfortable moments with my T was telling her how sometimes I just wanted MC to hold me...And when I went to the couple individual sessions with MC to talk about it, I was literally shaking, and usually I'm very at ease around him. And he's been very understanding about it--not talking about the whole reparenting thing like yours is, but saying how it's normal for the feelings to come back and that I was handling it well. I'm sure it's even tougher for you after your former T...

yes, when i first started feeling this way i was very scared and confused bc of what happened before. i think my relationship with my T has been a very healing and corrective experience for me..for both my neglect and abuse in childhood and also what happened with former T. it is embarrassing to admit these things..i told my T i wish he was my dad sometimes and i feel like a little kid around him sometimes. i am SO glad he knows about transference and knows how to deal with it appropriately. it took a lot for me to finally tell him i felt this way about him. i was for sure he was going to refer me out ,but he didnt and we are going on 6 years now working together.

sorry to derail the thread