[substancelessblue]

In my session a couple of days ago I needed to tell my T about an assault that happened a long time ago. Feelings and thoughts have been coming up recently that I thought were buried, triggered by a related situation in my family, and I'd never spoken to anyone about what happened.

At first we were talking about something else and I clumsily changed the topic. I was reluctant to tell her, mainly because I felt so uncomfortable, but I really wanted to. I just wanted reassurance from her that it was okay to say. I kept saying, "I don't know if I'm allowed to say this." I just wanted her to say it's fine. But it felt like she was discouraging me from talking. Maybe it was just that time was running out in the session (I ended up telling her with 10 mins left). But she kept saying things like "I understand you're not sure if it would be better to say it or to not say it" and "Let's just talk about the feelings involved." And kept saying it was okay if I didn't want to bring up the feelings, but didn't really encourage me from talking about it.

Well, she knows now, and I kept minimising it and saying I don't know why it's so distressing for me after all this time. Would a T discourage someone from talking about a traumatic experience? Or does she really think it's not a big deal? Later on when we were organising a new appointment I said either next week or in three weeks and she said "Let's do next week - not because it's major but because it's on your mind." I guess I'm not sure if she's minimising it or blocking me or doing it out of concern.

I had something similar in my last session and wrote a new thread about it.

My T advised me to steer clear of traumatic memories because I can't handle them well and end up blacking out. For me I have to learn grounding techniques so I can comfortably talk without having an episode. Maybe your T wants you to explore the feelings attached to the memory rather than the event itself?

I don't know what your T was thinking, so I can't say this is what happened, but I know how you feel. It's like the one avenue you have to reach out to feels like it gets closed down and you're stuck again. Be as honest as you can be, tell her how she made you feel. She needs to know when she's 'disappointed' you (not sure how else to describe the let down feeling). She's the only person who can tell you why she acted and behaved the way she did.

Good luck, I hope it goes well for you.

[ScarletPimpernel]

It doesn't sound like she's discouraging it if she wants to see you next week because "it's on your mind".

[LesFleursDuMal]

As other people said, I don't think she really was blocking you, or trying to keep you from saying it, but I suppose she was trying to say and do what she felt was better for you, she might not have understood that you were waiting for reassurance so if she thought you were not exactly ready to talk about it, I guess she did what was right. I had the same experience with my therapist, when I once tried to talk about CSA, he kind of discouraged me at the time, simply because he felt it would do more hurt than good (it was only a couple of sessions before summer break). It makes sense that she would ask about your feelings before talking about everything in details, that way she can see if you're ready or not. At least, that's what my T does. Take care

[Focus62]

My T has done this twice to me. Once because we were running out of time in session and she wanted to move to a "lighter headspace" before I left (I had a flashback that session...it was just overall bad).

The other time occurred because she could tell I didn't really feel safe despite my wanting to just say it and she told me that safety is the first priority before diving into anything heavy or extremely sensitive.

I think your T really was just trying to look out for your best interests. Perhaps her ending comment that it wasn't "major" was an attempt at trying to meet you on your level? If you kept minimizing it in session, maybe she was just being sensitive to your feelings about the situation (or took your minimizing as your serious thoughts about the assault). Maybe you need to explain to her that it is a big deal to you, even if it didn't seem like it was.

[brillskep]

Sorry to hear you felt like your experience was minimised. Sometimes therapists can discourage disclosure of traumatic experiences if it seems the feelings triggered could not be contained, such as time running out. Trauma needs time to be worked through. Another reason may be that there are therapists who choose not to actively encourage or discourage any disclosure, on the principle that it is 100% the client's decision, not to be influenced one way or the other. I personally don't know what to think about her comment at the end, but I am glad that she could have a session with you sooner and that she seems to realize it's important to you. If you trust this therapist, perhaps you could bring up your doubts about her response next time, too. I hope it works out between the two of you - working through trauma is difficult enough even without misunderstandings with your therapist.

[RedSun]

I'm sorry you don't feel validated
I've had that feeling of being blocked too....not so much with actual disclosure. If I brought a memory my T would actually be more likely to jump in and take me right back there, sometimes I didn't feel ready but it was always helpful....

But when you said you didn't know if you were allowed, and T didn't give you reassurance, I really empathise with that. I have wanted for ages for T to give me permission to see and say something from a different viewpoint, and she hasn't. I have felt that she has kind of blocked that, and disapproved of it somehow. It has been really difficult for me. I ended up phoning a helpline and doing it with them instead.

Probably, my T wanted me to say what I needed and wanted, rather than sort of manipulating her to give me reassurance, but I can't always do that.