[Gavinandnikki]

To summarize:

I terminated unmanageable maternal erotic transference 2 years ago after 5+ years of fairly traditional psychoanalysis. It was the right move for me.

Since then....

For 3 years have been financially supporting my parents. My Dad developed Alzheimer's and stopped paying his nursing home insurance which would have paid 5000$/month.

Put my parents in a lovely Assisted Living apartment 1 mile from my home.

2 months later Dad had a stroke which left him with an inability to speak and in diapers, but still quite mobile. My Mom couldn't handle that.

So I move them to a place where my 94 year old Mom had a beautiful Independent Living apartment and my Dad was in the nursing home section so they could visit. Because my Dad was mobile, he "escaped " several times and was fired from the facility.

Dad now moved to a very nice and close Alzheimer's memory unit.

Then my elder sister dies unexpectedly. I went to her home in the Northeast to deal with stuff. She was unmarried and has a 22 year old adopted daughter from foster care, who is now mine now. I love her dearly. I also found out that my sister was a hoarder (like on the TV show). I went up there twice to organize, pack, and help my niece. I was on high dose steroids at the time and worked 18 hours/day packing and throwing stuff away -easily over 100 hefty bags.

My Mom tanked while I was gone, totally. She develop a stomach virus. When I returned, I found her in a pool of bloody diarrhea and I thought she was dead. I called my husband saying Mom is dead. Then my mom raises her arm up and says "help me Pam". Although she is DNR, I had to call 911. Long story short.... Hospital, then rehab, then nursing home, now Hospice.

2 weeks ago, my Dad falls and breaks his femur. Hospital, then rehab and now he needs a nursing home. It is unlikely he will ever be ambulatory again. Can't walk, can't talk, also DNR.

Due to being on high dose steroids and extreme over activity related to settling my sister's stuff, I sustained 3 pelvic and 2 lumbar spine fractures and have been on medical leave since September.

I am pretty much healed and return to work April 1. This is causing me MASSIVE anxiety.

Why???? Cause my Mom is going to die soon and I am going to have to move Dad again.

Financially, this has been overwhelming. I've had to cut my hours back because of my injuries.

I want to return to therapy but can't afford it.

I am simply and completely emotionally off the charts. There is NO chart that registers my anxiety.

This is the longest post I've ever written during my tenure on PC.

If you've read it thank you.

I want, need, and desperately and begging for hugs or words of encouragement.

May I have some please?

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki

To summarize:

I terminated unmanageable maternal erotic transference 2 years ago after 5+ years of fairly traditional psychoanalysis. It was the right move for me.

Since then....

For 3 years have been financially supporting my parents. My Dad developed Alzheimer's and stopped paying his nursing home insurance which would have paid 5000$/month.

Put my parents in a lovely Assisted Living apartment 1 mile from my home.

2 months later Dad had a stroke which left him with an inability to speak and in diapers, but still quite mobile. My Mom couldn't handle that.

So I move them to a place where my 94 year old Mom had a beautiful Independent Living apartment and my Dad was in the nursing home section so they could visit. Because my Dad was mobile, he "escaped " several times and was fired from the facility.

Dad now moved to a very nice and close Alzheimer's memory unit.

Then my elder sister dies unexpectedly. I went to her home in the Northeast to deal with stuff. She was unmarried and has a 22 year old adopted daughter from foster care, who is now mine now. I love her dearly. I also found out that my sister was a hoarder (like on the TV show). I went up there twice to organize, pack, and help my niece. I was on high dose steroids at the time and worked 18 hours/day packing and throwing stuff away -easily over 100 hefty bags.

My Mom tanked while I was gone, totally. She develop a stomach virus. When I returned, I found her in a pool of bloody diarrhea and I thought she was dead. I called my husband saying Mom is dead. Then my mom raises her arm up and says "help me Pam". Although she is DNR, I had to call 911. Long story short.... Hospital, then rehab, then nursing home, now Hospice.

2 weeks ago, my Dad falls and breaks his femur. Hospital, then rehab and now he needs a nursing home. It is unlikely he will ever be ambulatory again. Can't walk, can't talk, also DNR.

Due to being on high dose steroids and extreme over activity related to settling my sister's stuff, I sustained 3 pelvic and 2 lumbar spine fractures and have been on medical leave since September.

I am pretty much healed and return to work April 1. This is causing me MASSIVE anxiety.

Why???? Cause my Mom is going to die soon and I am going to have to move Dad again.

Financially, this has been overwhelming. I've had to cut my hours back because of my injuries.

I want to return to therapy but can't afford it.

I am simply and completely emotionally off the charts. There is NO chart that registers my anxiety.

This is the longest post I've ever written during my tenure on PC.

If you've read it thank you.

I want, need, and desperately and begging for hugs or words of encouragement.

May I have some please?

You can have all the hugs you need.
I.have no words for how awful your situation sounds.
I can't even imagine.
I don't know what to say but I'm here

So soory to hear how overwhelmingly stressful things are for you right now. I will keep you and your parents in my thoughts and prayers.

[AllHeart]

Giving you all the hugs you need and deserve, Pam. Putting you in my prayers, too.

[Argonautomobile]

Oh, Pam, I'm so sorry for all of this. It's unimaginable. But I suppose nothing--even the bad things--can last forever. Sending you hope.

[atisketatasket]

Ugh. As a physician I'm sure you know about the Holmes-Rahe stress scale? Your results would tell you you need to take care of yourself as much as possible.

I am very bad at encouragement, so I will just say your posts have always seemed to me to be written by a very strong, confident person, and those traits will see you through this.

[Polibeth]

I'm so sorry - that is a huge amount of stress in little time. I hope that you can take some time for YOU before going back to work.

[awkwardlyyours]

Please take care of yourself -- what you're dealing with is just a real lot.

I don't know what it's like where you live but where I am, most therapists (found through Psychology Today) openly state that they do sliding scale (including mine).

I understand that finding a set of potential therapists and figuring out the sliding scale fees might be a lot more than you can handle right now -- but, would that perhaps be something you can outsource to a trusted friend or your husband?

[ilikecats]

All of this sounds really difficult. Sorry you've had to go through so much and are feeling so stressed and anxious. Hugs! Also, props to you for being so supportive and helpful to your family. I don't think I'd have it in me to take care of people so much. That's really great of you.

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[Cinnamon_Stick]

Sending you all the hugs you want. I am sorry things are so stressful and overwhelming for you. I hope you can find a therapist with a sliding scale.

[stopdog]

I am sorry you are dealing with all of this.

[rainbow8]

Pam,
You've always been very supportive to me and I appreciate your posts. It's true that you rarely ask for help for yourself. I'm very sorry you're going through so much. I know how stressful it is to care for aging parents, and the loss of your sister is so sad. Her daughter is fortunate to have you!

I think you could find a T who offers a sliding scale, maybe from a religious agency, even if you aren't that religion. Or a support group for caregivers? There must be some, especially for Alzheimer's caregivers.When my H was in hospice, a social worker came to see me for free.

At my last session my T suggested I meditate twice a day, to help with my extreme anxiety. Just breathe and try to concentrate on your breath for 10 or 15 minutes. If your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your breath. Can you do yoga? That relieves stress too.

There are free resources for caregivers if you ask for them. I wish you strength to deal with your challenges, and lots of hugs. ......

[LonesomeTonight]

Not sure what to say to help, just

[ruh roh]

Nothing really to add here. Just...I get it. I only have one parent in that situation and it is doing me in. I have a sibling in crisis as well, but I don't have a need to do anything in that department. I don't think I could handle half of what you're going through/have gone through. I like Rainbow's idea of yoga--even if it's just the breathing part. That, for me, is the biggest challenge and focus of self care. I wish you well through all of this.

[PeachCream22]

Sending you love and hugs. I cannot imagine how you must feel right now.

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[TrailRunner14]

I pray for wisdom and strength for your mind and your body. I pray for direction and a peace to walk you through this!! Much love!!

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[Out There]

Peace and hugs for you and your family

[unaluna]

How are you still standing? and showing concern for people here??

(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))) sending an unending eternal supply of hugs and comfort ♥♥♥

[Rive.]

I am sorry you are dealing with so much and are in so much pain.. No wonder your anxiety is off the charts. It's hard going it alone... Sending you good thoughts & the courage to keep fighting.

[pbutton]

I am so sorry that you are facing all of those stressors. That sounds really rough. Sending good thoughts your way.

[Crescent Moon]

Pam,

What an awful lot for one person. I am so sorry for all your loss and stressful situations. I know you did analysis before, but maybe plain ole therapy will help you get thru it? You need support, and to be surrounded by people who can help you feel strong.

[growlycat]

Is there a support group you can join? ?Maybe your local hospital has a caregivers support group?

So stressful, wishing you better days.

I can't even imagine the level of stress you're enduring. You must be an incredibly strong individual. I send you my support and admiration. I don't know many people who would be able to withstand the degree of financial, emotional and physical pressure you're handling. Take care of yourself and know that you are an incredible daughter, sister and aunt.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Sending many hugs