[colorsofthewind12]

I had a really chaotic session today. I was all over the place and my T was not in tune with me at all.

I said something that made me feel pretty vulnerable and my T just sat there and was like "I understand you"... I wanted to scream--"Are you f*cking kidding me-that's all you've got"- but I held it in because it was at the end of my session and I didn't want to leave off on that kind of note...

I am feeling like a huge knife was plunged into my heart and I don't want to go back there ever again.

[stopdog]

I take breaks or tell the therapist how much they failed.

[atisketatasket]

The sort of episode you describe is exactly the sort of episode I would tell (and have done so) the therapist about if it had a negative effect on me. Can you email? Call?

[acceptance]

i would email...happened with me once..i was very upset after the session...unable to speak up during session how hurt i was by his words..i lashed out in the email at T. He responded kindly and apologized.

[colorsofthewind12]

My T doesn't really allow for in between session contact unless it's an emergency, and despite feeling like ***** right now, I don't feel it constitutes an emergency. Plus, I am really mad at my T and don't feel like reaching out.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

[awkwardlyyours]

I've felt like this lots of times and my T doesn't offer out-of-session contact either -- this might not work for everyone but usually, I go in to the next session with the idea that I'll give it my best shot.

So, give her the total benefit of the doubt and be as open as possible to what comes up when I mention the issue in the next session. And, prior to the session, I tell myself that even after doing that (so, being as open as possible), if I feel like crap (not heard etc), I will either quit or just email saying I'm taking a break.

Usually, that's worked out. At one point, that strategy didn't work (T got and remained defensive) and I still felt like crap. So, I emailed about 2 days before the next session, saying I'm canceling it (I gave some other excuse about work etc and didn't bother saying if I'll come back) -- I think T 'caught on' at that point because I've almost never done that.

So, she wrote back super gentle, rather quickly and went out of her way to offer me a session on a day she doesn't work and totally let me pick the time without even telling me what she prefers etc (given my T's nutty schedule [she works another full-time job] and her general no-nonsense, super-brisk manner about this stuff etc, that's very rare).

Somehow, her doing that ended up making all the difference to me -- we didn't talk about the incident that had upset me any more because well, the underlying emotion had been addressed and at that point, talking would've done little.

How shall I put it? It's like I knew I was throwing a tantrum, she knew that I was throwing a tantrum and I knew that she knew that I was throwing a tantrum and yet it was okay and I felt cared for.

I think that also marked a bit of a turning point for me because I started to tune in some more into how she 'showed caring' in session (she's almost entirely dryly analytical even when talking about really painful stuff and really unemotional which can sometimes get to me) and yeah, somehow, things worked out.....at least until something happens again.

Hope you're able to work things out in whatever way would bring you peace....

[divine1966]

My t did that once. Just sat there while I was upset. I took a month long break after that. She never did it again ( not sure why she stopped) but it sucked!!!! Sending you hugs.

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[colorsofthewind12]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

I've felt like this lots of times and my T doesn't offer out-of-session contact either -- this might not work for everyone but usually, I go in to the next session with the idea that I'll give it my best shot.

So, give her the total benefit of the doubt and be as open as possible to what comes up when I mention the issue in the next session. And, prior to the session, I tell myself that even after doing that (so, being as open as possible), if I feel like crap (not heard etc), I will either quit or just email saying I'm taking a break.

Usually, that's worked out. At one point, that strategy didn't work (T got and remained defensive) and I still felt like crap. So, I emailed about 2 days before the next session, saying I'm canceling it (I gave some other excuse about work etc and didn't bother saying if I'll come back) -- I think T 'caught on' at that point because I've almost never done that.

So, she wrote back super gentle, rather quickly and went out of her way to offer me a session on a day she doesn't work and totally let me pick the time without even telling me what she prefers etc (given my T's nutty schedule [she works another full-time job] and her general no-nonsense, super-brisk manner about this stuff etc, that's very rare).

Somehow, her doing that ended up making all the difference to me -- we didn't talk about the incident that had upset me any more because well, the underlying emotion had been addressed and at that point, talking would've done little.

How shall I put it? It's like I knew I was throwing a tantrum, she knew that I was throwing a tantrum and I knew that she knew that I was throwing a tantrum and yet it was okay and I felt cared for.

I think that also marked a bit of a turning point for me because I started to tune in some more into how she 'showed caring' in session (she's almost entirely dryly analytical even when talking about really painful stuff and really unemotional which can sometimes get to me) and yeah, somehow, things worked out.....at least until something happens again.

Hope you're able to work things out in whatever way would bring you peace....

Thank you for sharing, it sounds like you have a great relationship with your T and kudos to you for being open and strong when the going gets tough.

In my case, I know we're going to work this out.

What I struggle with is leaving a session feeling so misunderstood and abandoned to the point where it puts me in a frame of mind where I experience the world as hostile and I experience myself as unlovable, unworthy, and an outsider.

Despite feeling like my T didn't hold or contain my chaotic emotional experience, I have to remember all the times that I did feel heard and cared for. Otherwise, I don't know how I would have the strength or motivation to continue therapy.

Most importantly, experiences like these remind me that at the end of the day, all we have is ourselves-we are our own saviors, our own gladiators and we must pull ourselves out by our own bootstraps to move forward despite our traumas and adversity.