[LadyGazelle]

So I haven't come here in awhile but feel like sharing with those that might understand my situation and can maybe help me feel better about my decision.

Over a year ago I went on medications (lexapro and abilify) with my now ex T. After he terminated with me when he got a new job I ended up at a psych ward but wasn't admitted but did do an outpatient group therapy for two weeks and my meds were upped while I tried to deal with my ex T. Leaving it was a horrible situation I'm still dealing with. Anyway tried two other T after he left and the third I'm still currently seeing and was doing well so I ended up going off my meds because I didn't want to go to the doctor ex T had sent me too anymore to get my meds refilled so I just stopped taking them, plus the side effects were really bad especially when they increased the dose, I tried taking a lesser dose but the side effects remained(no sex drive and pretty much binge eating and gaining weight bad) plus it didn't seem to be doing anything anymore. I did fine off of them for awhile but life situations happened plus I did end up having more depressive episodes and lately my anxiety is just horrible. Therapy helped but one night my therapist was helping me on text messages and suggested I should probably try medications again since I really am not functioning as well as I would like and while I agree, the idea of doing medications is just making me upset.

One I'm not a fan of psychiatrists, I rarely ever get along with them. Then again I don't feel my therapist knows these drugs very well and most pcps don't. The doctor I saw with ex T was pretty much a pill pusher and would just put me on whatever ex T wanted who again had no business doing this but probably knows more than my current T. The psychiatrist I picked on my own off of the Internet and made an appointment but he is very expensive, he actually costs more than my current T but I have zero plans on changing T I just want to go to him for meds and it doesn't seem to make it cheaper. While I know it's easier to just do the Pcp and T thing it seemed like we were just experimenting, my hope is with a psychiatrist that specializes in my mood disorder will be able to help me better than doing that, but with making a huge dent in my wallet to do something I'm not thrilled about it.

I talked to both my T and my husband about this at length and they still stand by me needing medications and that a psychiatrist is a better idea than a Pcp. They would be fine with whatever I want to do but I so don't know at this point. I really hate that my options are basically meds or just going to therapy which only seems to help me for maybe 24 hours.

I hate that every time I do therapy I get told to go on medications and every time I try them they fail to work for more than 6 months and the side effects are just awful(going on and off meds makes me horribly ill every Time)

I was doing fine on just Therapy but I had a bad depressive episode in front of a group of friends and they basically cornered me and humiliated me for it. Telling me I needed to stop being depressed and stop ruining their fun. It's screwed me up and the reason I'd been bothering my T(though he claims I'm not) since he and my husband are all I talk to and my husband is dealing with a lot on top of having to take care of me all the time.

I'm still not over losing ex T even though it was a year ago and it's been hard even though I have a great relationship with my current T and I've seen him for almost 9 months now he is still nothing like the T Who abandoned me but who I miss terribly. They did speak to eachother once but it was just the once and I have no idea what they really talked about. Current T was really good with it but I often feel he is tired of me bringing it up, I kinda am too but it's always there. I often don't anymore because there is only so much I can say about it anymore that hasn't already been said.

I know this is long but it's been awhile. Any insight if you see both a psychologist/therapist and a separate psychiatrist how has your relationship been with both? I'm worried I won't be able to talk with my psychiatrist though it takes me awhile to be able to talk with anyone especially professionals it took my current T about 3 months before I could really talk to him. I would need to at intake though atleast enough to figure out what meds to try. I have never formally seen a psychiatrist like this that is this expensive I'm just trying to figure out if it's the best decision since decisions are really hard right now and I'm scared of everything. Any perspective would be helpful right now.

[PinkFlamingo99]

It's different for me right now because I'm psych outpatient at the hospital so my pdoc and T work together, so he hears everything from her abywsy.

However, in the past, I had a but of trouble talking to my pdoc, but they really don't need to know every detail. If I was unstable I saw her for 15 mins every other week (or rarely every week), and after that just 15 mins once a month. It's not a big involvement like therapy and they'll ask more general questions about synptoms and your mood.

[kecanoe]

It is quite common to see a pdoc for meds and not therapy. I see both. I tell pdoc what t thinks about how I am doing and I tell t what pdoc did to meds. I currently see pdoc every 2 months because I am tapering off meds, but my appointments consist of me saying how I am doing and us planning the next taper. I refer to my issues but we don't discuss them at any depth.