i havent seen my psychologist in over 3 weeks and i wont see him for another week because he canceled my last session. i have been thinking a lot about ending things again and i have thought of another way i may consider doing this and i have not told him or my psychiatrist about this and i was talking to this online crisis chat thing and long story short they said i had to tell my psychologist about my ideas or they would (they do know who i see) and that if i didnt contact after my next session they would tell him i mean none of this is supposed to happen for another month. i just wanted to talk to someone about the demons because they have been scaring me and i talked to one of them and first they said they didnt want to hurt me and now i am not so sure but also there is more than one so i could be getting them mixed up. i havent been sleeping or eating much still either and i feel terrible all of the time. i dont want to tell my psychologist about these new ideas and the others in my head dont want me to either and i am so tired and everything keeps going wrong and it is my fault and i should have done what they wanted before and i dont feel good and my head wont stop.

I had taken a bit of a break from psych central, but eden, I really think it would be in your best interest to stay with your psychologist and tell him exactly what's going on in your mind. You have been battling these demons for so long, and the only way to get help with that is to let people know who can help you! Hugs to you! You're stronger than you think!

[DelusionsDaily]

It sounds like either way he's gonna know...it's just a matter of who tells him. I think the psychologist would much appreciate your honesty rather than hear it from a hotline/chat person.

Originally Posted by Aloan

I had taken a bit of a break from psych central, but eden, I really think it would be in your best interest to stay with your psychologist and tell him exactly what's going on in your mind. You have been battling these demons for so long, and the only way to get help with that is to let people know who can help you! Hugs to you! You're stronger than you think!

i am just scared all the time and i didnt even mean to tell the chat people anything but they kept saying i had to or else and i just ugh i dont know what to do everything is so complicated and i just dont know what to do anymore the others will be angry if i tell him and ugh i keep getting scared he will hurt me and i dont know how to explain it.

Originally Posted by DelusionsDaily

It sounds like either way he's gonna know...it's just a matter of who tells him. I think the psychologist would much appreciate your honesty rather than hear it from a hotline/chat person.

i know i am just annoyed and scared and ugh i dont know what to do i ugh i dont know how to explin it.

[velcro003]

I think you have tried really hard for a long time to work with these demons by yourself, and all it is doing is exhausting you, making you confused and terrified, and these feelings only seem to be getting worse. Maybe it is time to take a leap of faith and be as honest as you can with your psychologist.

But if I tell him and then what if he hurts me I am so tired I didn't want anyone to know and now I have screwed everything up again unless I lie to the hotline and say I told him maybe I should do that but then I don't know if they will still check anyway ugh I want to scream.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by eden1515

But if I tell him and then what if he hurts me I am so tired I didn't want anyone to know and now I have screwed everything up again unless I lie to the hotline and say I told him maybe I should do that but then I don't know if they will still check anyway ugh I want to scream.

But you ARE hurting, i think you should try.

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree that you should try to talk to him. You've been struggling for a long time. I know you're scared to tell, but I think it could help.

i dont even know when i will see him i am so tired everything hurts i am so stressed to and i cant make it stop it is my fault though if i had done what the others in my head said i wouldnt be in this mess.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by eden1515

i dont even know when i will see him i am so tired everything hurts i am so stressed to and i cant make it stop it is my fault though if i had done what the others in my head said i wouldnt be in this mess.

Eden, can you call him? Either to get a closer appointment or to find out when your next appointment is?

i texted him i kind of feel like he and my psychiatrist are "giving up on me" like both of them just seem annoyed/bored with me which is fine but i wish they would stop lying about it if that is how they feel. i am used to people giving up on me it is just tiring when they string you along for long periods of time pretending they care and making you feel like you owe them something even when you owe them nothing. but i guess i shouldnt have to deal with it too much longer anyway.

[atisketatasket]

I often think people are annoyed/bored with me when they are not. I'm not good at reading people.

I don't know maybe I am just tired and had a big panic attack and now I am even more scared at the possibility of telling him this.

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by eden1515

I don't know maybe I am just tired and had a big panic attack and now I am even more scared at the possibility of telling him this.

Are you familiar with the work of a psychologist (in the US), named Lee Baer? He wrote a book called "The Imp of the Mind" about these sorts of intrusive thoughts. He is a published author of a few books and many research papers on OCD of all types. Check it out.
FWIW, you sound much better than you did even a few weeks ago. Perhaps something you're doing with your treatment team is helping.

Originally Posted by Mygrandjourney

Are you familiar with the work of a psychologist (in the US), named Lee Baer? He wrote a book called "The Imp of the Mind" about these sorts of intrusive thoughts. He is a published author of a few books and many research papers on OCD of all types. Check it out.
FWIW, you sound much better than you did even a few weeks ago. Perhaps something you're doing with your treatment team is helping.

I feel worse than I did a few weeks ago I am just not posting about it because I don't want to get in trouble with the moderators again I have not read the book.