Reintegrating my child self with my adult self.

My therapist has made me aware that I have disassociated myself from myself. I shortened my name when I was 15, when I left home, only by two letters but it was enough to help me feel like I'd left that abused little girl behind. (Like Elizabeth to Lizzie).

As an adult my T comments on my intelligence and perception of my own situation. And I agree with her, as an adult I'm quite level headed, but my ability to look into situations and have said perspective relies on me being emotionally switched off. I am a logical, sometimes cold person, but it helps me simplify situations in order to come to solutions which I feel I couldn't do if I was irrational and emotional.
Anyway, my T says I need to integrate *Elizabeth* back into *Lizzie* and care for her and heal her. I just don't know how.

What I'd like to know is if anyone is like this, has done this, or successfully reintegrated themselves back together? I feel weak when I think of who I was, it sets of my anxiety to try and let her back into my life.

I still work on it , I feel its difficult as adults to think of the children we were. I've been thinking of getting a cuddly toy Snow Leopard ( the Snow Leopard is my totem animal ) there's the adult Snow Leopard and then there's the " cub " that it was. But I haven't done it yet - Its a big step and scary.

Myself some days i eat nails for breakfast and would just as soon say BOO then talk to you. But there are other days the little kid inside of me wants to play and have fun. It is like that died when i got older and i lost my creativity. As children we were free to express ourselves and had a blast not caring what others said or did. It is what others have said and done to us that has scared the little kid in hiding, to not merge and grow up with the adult.
Just do something silly, brain dead fun like running through puddles, or running on the beach through the waves, flying a kite or fishing... or laying on your back making snow angels or on the grass looking at the clouds. And the beauty of it is it is all free and it is freeing to let ourselves laugh, cry and be joyful, to feel the fullness of the sun and the wind on our breath and face. So, when was the last time you did these things? And your inner child will surface and embrace the adult and the two will laugh together, again... tc

My nose prickled, this made me tear up.

I don't remember the last time I did anything fun. I'll try thank you.

I can do those things and yet there is still no integration. O am stuck, stuck fast. I saw myself in your post, truly. I cannot get past this point and don't know what to do so looking foreward to some suggestions. Thoughts are with you.

I hope we both find something that helps