[confusedbyself]

I have been struggling with being and feeling so alone all my life but getting worse as t and I are working on issues. He has reassured me several times that I'm not alone but when I go home to nobody. . I AM alone and tonight it is really attacking me bad. I took xanax, tried to wait it out, took another half an hour later and the depressive loneliness is STILL over whelming me right now. I just want to bawl and find a way to not exist.

I didn't know where else to turn. My t has given me text permission and I really didn't want to ever do it, but I have several times now and I am sir not doing it this late. I see him tomorrow and if I can just get past this and go to sleep tonight, maybe tomorrow will help.

Thanks for letting me post here. It might not give me someone here, but at least I know there are other breathing humans out there.

I 'talk' to t in my head at night when I can't sleep - it helps a lot. I think it might be, that when I do that, I'm practicing what I want to tell her, and that slows down my thoughts enough for me to go to sleep.

[confusedbyself]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I 'talk' to t in my head at night when I can't sleep - it helps a lot. I think it might be, that when I do that, I'm practicing what I want to tell her, and that slows down my thoughts enough for me to go to sleep.

I do fry that artemis.. tonight, all I can seem to do is break into tears. I have not berm feeling well and had panic attacks all night last night, so I haven't slept for almost 2 days and that all probably has a lot to do with it right now, but when doing double xanax didn't bring relief and I'm afraid I might be stuck awake again tonight. I hate this do bad. This is the biggest part of NOT letting myself "need" my t... I want to text so badly but would never do it at this hour. I sooooo hate being alone! !à

[atisketatasket]

This won't help tonight, but do you have a pet? Can you get one? I find junior cat very helpful when I feel alone.

I agree with Art on slowing thoughts down - I try things like naming all the states and their capitals, or all the kings and queens of England. Something that's tedious and takes a while.

[confusedbyself]

I don't have a pet at this time because I don't think it is fair for her because my depression struggle right now is do bad that I spend easy to much time in need and get frustrated when I have to take her out and even play. I have had dogs abs want a chi talky bad right now but am not going to allow it until I can do right by her.

[ruh roh]

I understand not wanting to take on a dog when you aren't able to commit, but I credit my dog for getting me out of the house. Unlike you, my therapist never tells me that I'm not alone. She says yes, you are alone. It actually doesn't feel any worse that she acknowledges it. But that's me. I'm sorry you're hurting. I get it.

I don't think anything outside if us -pet,friend,T can fill that hole. That hole is where the 'I' is missing.

With time, as we are allowed to 'grow' in therapy, that 'I' comes back to live.

Until then, we just have to go through it. Feeling the loss.

[Waterbear]

I agree that a pet can't fill the hole but when you are feeling a bit better which hopefully T can help with then it might help. I got two rabbits yesterday because my H deploys in Monday and I really struggle when I am on my own. So far it is 0900 here and I am up, dressed and have been outside twice to clean and see them. That is good for me.

Hope that you can find some peace today through seeing your T and that keeps you for a while. It can be hard to feel alone. Hugs to you, there are other people out there, they just don't feel close I guess.