[BlessedRhiannon]

I guess I'll state upfront that I'm really just looking for some support and that I'm trying to work out my thoughts a bit. Journaling didn't give me as much insight as it usually does. I'm hoping some feedback here will help.

So, this is intentionally kind of vague. And long, sorry. I have been on meds for bipolar for two years now, and on meds that actually work well for me for about 3 months. Now that all the really big symptoms are under control, I'm starting to see traits of something else. I was trying to explain to my T what I'm experiencing and just couldn't get the words right in session. I decided to email her after and try to explain better. I usually communicate better in writing than speech. After reading what I sent, it struck me how strongly certain traits were coming across. I wish now that I'd never sent the email. I'm embarrassed. I don't want T to know about these things, and in a moment of trying to communicate, it feels like I overshared. It's okay for me to strongly suspect that there's more going on than just bipolar and generalized anxiety disorder. It's another thing entirely to make my T aware of it. I totally trust my T and she's been so helpful to me. However, I think I've already pushed her a bit outside her comfort zone and I'm afraid that if she makes the same connections I have, then I'll have pushed her so far outside of her comfort zone that she'll want to stop working with me. It wouldn't be the end of the world if she did decide that. I'd deal with it. It's just that I trust her and it's taken me a long time to build up that trust. I think that's why I overshared in this email. I know I won't get a reply until Monday and I know it will probably be a generic reply. I'm fine with that. I'm mostly dreading my session next week, because part of the agreement we have about emails is that we will talk about them in the next session and I really don't want to talk about this one. I know I can tell T that I don't want to talk about it and she'll respect that. At the same time, if I sent her an email about it, part of me must want to discuss. I think part of me is really afraid that she will make the same connections I have, and part of me is afraid she won't.

[Salmon77]

It seems to me that whatever this "something else" is that you're noticing, it must be something you will need to deal with sooner or later. You might not be quite ready to discuss it yet but the time will come when you are, and maybe this "overshare" will lay the groundwork whether you talk about it with your T next week or not.

Best of luck

[Piickles]

I think if it feels this important it's probably going to open up a whole new part of therapy for you - I bet your T surprises you with how she responds - I don't think any topic/conversation should be "too muc" for a T - if it is they either aren't experienced enough and hopefully are undertaking supervision or they are in the wrong job.

Good luck! But I'd say you did a very brave and great thing!

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

It seems to me that whatever this "something else" is that you're noticing, it must be something you will need to deal with sooner or later. You might not be quite ready to discuss it yet but the time will come when you are, and maybe this "overshare" will lay the groundwork whether you talk about it with your T next week or not.

Best of luck

Thanks. Yeah, I probably will need to deal with this at some point, even if it's just accepting this new knowledge about myself.

Originally Posted by Piickles

I think if it feels this important it's probably going to open up a whole new part of therapy for you - I bet your T surprises you with how she responds - I don't think any topic/conversation should be "too muc" for a T - if it is they either aren't experienced enough and hopefully are undertaking supervision or they are in the wrong job.

Good luck! But I'd say you did a very brave and great thing!

Thanks. I know my T will probably be fine with it. It's my own insecurities/anxieties. She hasn't bailed on me yet, she's super experienced, and she's always willing to explore things with me. She has told me that I've introduced new things to her, but she's never indicated that was a bad thing.