Abandonment

stopdog · Apr 08, 2016, 11:53 AM

Have you abandoned a therapist? Is such a thing possible? Have you felt abandoned?

Apr 08, 2016, 11:57 AM

I don't know that that is possible. I mean, I've left therapists without giving them any reason or justification why, but I hadn't seen them very long so I doubt they felt at all "abandoned."

I think maybe if I, theoretically, was seeing a therapist long-term and just kind of disappeared off the face of the earth and they didn't know what happened, they might be concerned and wonder about me, but I suspect they wouldn't feel "abandoned," just concerned and move on. I doubt that it is all that unusual for clients to just sort of stop going, even long-term clients.

atisketatasket · Apr 08, 2016, 11:57 AM

Should really be multiple options since you're asking two questions at once.

I have not been abandoned by a therapist and I don't think a client quitting therapy or leaving a therapist (which I have done) constitutes abandonment. Unless you're like their very last client on Earth and they're dependent on you for all their income.

stopdog · Apr 08, 2016, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Should really be multiple options since you're asking two questions at once.

I have not been abandoned by a therapist and I don't think a client quitting therapy or leaving a therapist (which I have done) constitutes abandonment. Unless you're like their very last client on Earth and they're dependent on you for all their income.

The life of a pollster is not an easy one - everyone always wants a different poll than the one offered.

And there are other therapists? why give them the power to abandon but not take it for oneself?

velcro003 · Apr 08, 2016, 11:59 AM

I left my last T of 5 years by an email one day. I feel slightly bad about it, but mostly, not really. Definitely don't feel I abandoned her.

stopdog · Apr 08, 2016, 12:01 PM

And yet they claim to wonder. This guy (who I despise) calls it ghosting -which amuses me because he is so whiny about it.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...your-therapist

atisketatasket · Apr 08, 2016, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

And yet they claim to wonder. This guy (who I despise) calls it ghosting -which amuses me because he is so whiny about it.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...your-therapist

Okay, I guess if they have an ego they could feel abandoned. But, as they no doubt say about clients to justify themselves, that doesn't mean it IS abandonment.

stopdog · Apr 08, 2016, 12:04 PM

Well it is not necessarily abandonment just because a client feels it either - is the feeling the key or is something else?

atisketatasket · Apr 08, 2016, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Well it is not necessarily abandonment just because a client feels it either - is the feeling the key or is something else?

True, and the feeling is obviously paramount to clients, but I think we could define an objective abandonment - refusal to continue care for someone in desperate straits who has become dependent.

stopdog · Apr 08, 2016, 12:08 PM

And you don't believe those guys can become dependent upon clients?
Admiration, respect, adulation, etc are very seductive. I am not saying it is just the money.

01:39 PM

Can't really do the poll because I need to check several boxes:

I have not felt abandoned by a therapist.
I have left therapists but don't feel I abandoned them.
I have had therapists quit me (I don't mean abruptly or unprofessionally but due to job changes/moves, etc.) but did not feel abandoned.

I do think abandonment is probably more of a feeling than an actual experience most of the time (edited to add: by that I mean an actual event of abandonment such as literally abandoning an elderly, dependent parent, dependent adults who are unable to care for themselves, a spouse just up and leaving without warning, notice, further contact) -- at least the way it is generally presented here on this forum. Generally, most who talk about feeling abandoned knew it was coming, had therapists who had tried to prepare them for their leaving, had therapists who tried to give them referrals and even helped them try to transition to the new therapist, etc. (Yes, I realize that wasn't the case 100% of the time).

Personally, I think it is somewhat rare (not impossible) for an adult to actually "be" abandoned, but many adults have had prior experiences of actual abandonment in childhood that leave them vulnerable to feeling abandoned and fearing abandonment in situations that feel similarly as adults.

atisketatasket · Apr 08, 2016, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

And you don't believe those guys can become dependent upon clients?
Admiration, respect, adulation, etc are very seductive. I am not saying it is just the money.

But they have multiple clients from which they can get those things (and they can always get more). The client usually just has the therapist (and may have a hard time finding a new one).

In other words, therapists are dependent on clients as a class, clients are dependent on the individual therapist.

stopdog · Apr 08, 2016, 12:14 PM

Some, but I believe they can become dependent upon a specific client who fulfills a specific need for the therapist.

Apr 08, 2016, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

And you don't believe those guys can become dependent upon clients?
Admiration, respect, adulation, etc are very seductive. I am not saying it is just the money.

I think they "can," but I would question the stability and professional skill of a therapist who actually became dependent on a particular client. I've never experienced it myself, but there are some truly unstable therapists out there who shouldn't be in the profession.

stopdog · Apr 08, 2016, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Can't really do the poll because I need to check several boxes:

.

They don't let us edit polls. I don't know if I would if I could edit it.
I would just choose the option that moved me most at the time. OR other.

atisketatasket · Apr 08, 2016, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Some, but I believe they can become dependent upon a specific client who fulfills a specific need for the therapist.

Sure, but do you think that's all that common? And if it's not common, isn't it the exception that proves the rule?

But if such things happen, and the therapist feels abandoned, then the feeling is again paramount.

stopdog · Apr 08, 2016, 12:21 PM

I think it is not uncommon.

atisketatasket · Apr 08, 2016, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think it is not uncommon.

I suppose it's interesting to consider whether a therapist can be abandoned, and okay, let's say they can be abandoned. But if I heard a therapist claim to be abandoned by a client, I would have zero sympathy for them. I'd think more in terms of "so the shoe is on the other foot now."

stopdog · Apr 08, 2016, 12:37 PM

Oh I am not sympathetic to the idea at all. I would be more like butch up buddy.

justdesserts · Apr 08, 2016, 12:38 PM

When I discovered my therapist was charging my insurance for sessions we didn't have, I just quit going. He called me a few months later to see "how I was". He might have felt abandoned, but I considered it self-preservation.

awkwardlyyours · Apr 08, 2016, 01:08 PM

I am curious if countries other than the US use the term 'abandonment' the way it's used in the US (in therapy or in other emotional situations) -- I knew what the word meant before I landed in the US but the (emotional) range of connotations were totally foreign to me (and perhaps still are) for a long time.

nottrustin · Apr 08, 2016, 01:15 PM

I seem to always answer other to these polls. I have not let a T yet. I had a T who had to stop seeing me because I was a college student and the school decided to no longer offer counseling to students. T did not take my insurance (this was years ago). I didn't expect her to see me for free. So neither of us WANTED to end the relationship but there was no way around it.

Fuzzybear · Apr 08, 2016, 01:16 PM

Both..
The latter, she was disappointed as I didn't care whether or not I was "special" to her.
She said she wanted to "look after me properly"
"Right" or "wrong" this felt like a red flag, but I wish now I'd given her more of a chance

Was it worth the risk being "vulnerable" again?
Then I just stopped going to sessions..