Hello, I'm new here so I'm sorry if this is not the right place or if this is something that's been talked about a lot in the past.

So recently I had my first session ever, and as the title says I can't stop thinking about it.

In the session I felt weirdly disconnected from my own feelings, and it felt as though someone else was talking about me. I didn't know what was coming out of my mouth most of the time, and I downplayed and embed lame sarcasm/jokes into everything I said, and I laughed a ridiculous amount even though the topic wasn't remotely funny. I unconsciously avoided to mention a lot of things and I've been thinking "god, I should've said this and that" every so often. I consciously lied once, for which I've been feeling really guilty.

After the session, despite having avoided to talk about some of the most difficult issues, I still felt absolutely exhausted and I am now worried if I will ever have enough energy to get to the more difficult things in time, especially as I am moving out of my area in a couple of months. And since I had to let my guards down somewhat in order to talk about my secrets, I've not been able to put them back up. I guess it is important to not put them back up to make real progress in therapy, but then more things are on my mind now and I am struggling through my daily life more than I did before the first session. I can't put my fingers on exactly what things are on my mind now, but I'm feeling really overwhelmed, have been having some flashbacks to my childhood, and have been feeling miserable in general like I've cried a lot out of blue past few days.

Are these common in/after first sessions? Am I worrying too much?

Thank you.

It's natural to be affected by the first session in the way you describe; this is all new to you, and no doubt you are touching on difficult stuff so it's pretty scary! My advice would be to take your time and pace yourself. You don't have to disclose everything at once. I've been seeing my T for 16 months and I'm only just starting to touch on certain topics.
Do you mean you have to leave this therapist in 2 months? If so I would consider waiting till you're settled somewhere before you look into therapy long term. It would be hard to just get going at the point where you have to stop because you are leaving the area.
If you are continuing therapy right now, it would be worth talking to your therapist about the strong feelings which are emerging.

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

It's natural to be affected by the first session in the way you describe; this is all new to you, and no doubt you are touching on difficult stuff so it's pretty scary! My advice would be to take your time and pace yourself. You don't have to disclose everything at once. I've been seeing my T for 16 months and I'm only just starting to touch on certain topics.
Do you mean you have to leave this therapist in 2 months? If so I would consider waiting till you're settled somewhere before you look into therapy long term. It would be hard to just get going at the point where you have to stop because you are leaving the area.
If you are continuing therapy right now, it would be worth talking to your therapist about the strong feelings which are emerging.

Thanks for the reply
Yes, I was referred by my college and I am leaving in 2 months (the college is contracted with the T, I think) and moving out of the city another month or two later.
I suppose I am in a bit of 'rush' mentally with sorting my issues out asap, because I am sitting my final exams soon and I am quite frustrated that my issues are interfering with my studies (which I guess is making things worse come to think of it). I should learn to take things easy...

[Victoria'smom]

Because you have to speed through this I would write out all your secretes and send it email or give it to him/her. Yes it's perfectly normal to feel/act the way you did.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Because you have to speed through this I would write out all your secretes and send it email or give it to him/her. Yes it's perfectly normal to feel/act the way you did.

Thanks for the reply. I think I will see how I feel after the second session, and if it still seems impossible to squeeze the words out of my mouth I will consider your idea. Your idea is probably going to be the most efficient one and the best in the short term (which is what I need right now), but at the same time I also have a feeling that verbalising the experience might be beneficial for me in the long term as it will force me to face the issues, rather than running and sealing away, which is what I had been doing over the years.