Consistently Late-Need Opinions

whistlingwriter · Apr 21, 2016 at 12:51 PM

Would it begin to bother you if your therapist was always 10-15 minutes late for appointments? Particularly if you knew that he/she was not with a client before your appointment, but just arriving late for whatever excuse that he/she has that day? My therapist has also canceled last minute (within an hour or two of appointment time) at least 3 times in the last several months. Some days I really feel like I needed that appointment (having a rough week, etc), and I am beginning to take this personally. I am losing trust, and I feel like the therapist doesn't respect my time. I also feel to an extent she might not like me...but I probably am personalizing this too much. Would like some opinions on what others would do in this case? Why am I afraid of confronting this behavior? (I haven't addressed it yet in session)

CameraObscura · Apr 21, 2016 at 01:09 PM

I would take it very poorly. I wouldn't feel like my time and effort were being respected, and T would definitely hear about it.

Can you send an email, so you can craft what you want to say on your own time?

AncientMelody · Apr 21, 2016 at 01:33 PM

It would not bother me personally unless my appointment time were lengthened 10-15 minutes at the end, so our total time wasn't cut short. If it was cut short and my bill were not prorated it would bother me. Admittedly I have some trouble with punctuality in general so I think that's why it would not bother me.

At the end of the day, however, it IS unprofessional and I can understand why someone would terminate soley on those grounds.

Apr 21, 2016 at 01:38 PM

I wouldn't return to a therapist who did this more than once.

gayleggg · Apr 21, 2016 at 03:10 PM

I'm always punctual so I expect my therapist/doctors to be the same.

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Vandelay Industries · Apr 21, 2016 at 03:30 PM

That would drive me nuts. You should consider bringing it up with your T.

feralkittymom · Apr 21, 2016 at 03:37 PM

It would not be OK for me. Whether or not there is a client session beforehand, it reflects an inability to properly manage the frame of therapy, so it's a problem that I think isn't only about time management. I guess if I liked the therapist otherwise, I would bring it up, express my feelings about it, and ask for a direct response about whether the behavior was likely to continue. If so, I'd have to either become OK with it, or leave.

I doubt that it has anything to do with any feelings the therapist has about you personally, but it's understandable that it would make you wonder about that--one of the reasons such behavior isn't just about time.

Random · Apr 21, 2016 at 03:43 PM

If it was rare and was because a client before me was having an emergency it wouldnt bother me. You said it wasnt that though and happening on a consistant basis. I'd probably mention it once and if it happened again would find a new therapist.

junkDNA · Apr 21, 2016 at 03:51 PM

my T was the clinical director of the treatment program i was in. he was super busy all the time hence he was late a lot. i pretty much just told him that i thought it was disrespectful. it kept happening though, so i realized it was his job making him late and not him lollygagging around. after we both left that place he has been so much better abt punctuality.

i would just express how it makes you feel and maybe even the part about how you take it personally. i think that is natural to feel that way.

LonesomeTonight · Apr 21, 2016 at 03:56 PM

Does your therapist extend your sessions to make up for the time? If not, I'd definitely be bothered by it. (My T is very prompt, but my marriage counselor is often late.) As for the cancelling last minute a few times in the last few months--that makes me think maybe something is going on in the T's personal life, like emergency-type stuff. Or maybe that the T herself is having some sort of health issue and is cancelling because she's not feeling well?

I'd definitely bring it up. If you have trouble talking about it, maybe send an e-mail or type it out and hand it to her at the start of a session. I doubt it's anything personal--she might just be really bad at time management. (I'm someone who is also bad at that and often run late, so I'm more understanding of that in others.) Are you the first appointment of the day? First after lunch? (Just guessing because you said no client before you.) If so, maybe try switching appointment times, if that's possible in your schedule.

Salmon77 · Apr 21, 2016 at 04:09 PM

Once in a while, fine, stuff happens, but all the time? No way. I would not be okay with that. You should bring it up with her.

ilikecats · Apr 21, 2016 at 04:31 PM

My T is always late, usually by 15-25 minutes. She always makes up the time though, and sometimes even goes over time. If she didn't make up the time, I'd be upset. When I first started with her I also worried she didn't like me. She reassured me she's just late for everything all the time and that it wasn't personal. I think you should talk to your T about this. My T has also rescheduled appointments very last minute, and it used to bother me, especially when I really wanted to see her. I don't think this is anything personal against you, but you should definitely talk to her about how it makes you feel.

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Cinnamon_Stick · Apr 21, 2016 at 05:04 PM

My T is always late by 10 to 15 minutes. I mentioned it when it first started happening and she said that clients run over and the time adds up. She always makes sure I have my full hour so it doesn't bother me.

kecanoe · Apr 21, 2016 at 06:56 PM

One of my ts is consistently 20 or more minutes late. I am her first appointment of the day and my appointment is at 1:30. I figure I have the choice to put up with the lateness or find a new t. I choose to stick w her because she specializes in my MI and there are not a lot of others in my area. And I like what she does. I have definitely improved since I started seeing her. She has a waiting list and is not taking new patients, so apparently there are a lot of other people who are making the same choice.

It's important for me to not take it personally, fortunately that is not hard. And she does go for a full hour and often runs over.

Apr 21, 2016 at 07:34 PM

I am a bit obsessive about being punctual to appointments and really don't like if people are habitually late. It would not only bother me but would be a deal breaker if a therapist was repeatedly late, I would perceive it as poor professionalism and lack of respect. If someone chooses a profession that involves working with set time windows, I think they should then make the best effort to keep them intact. Being busy is not a good excuse about not respecting other people's time.

Pennster · Apr 21, 2016 at 08:41 PM

One of my therapists was always late. He was generous with his time so it never bothered me. He always went over for me as well. He never had more than 2 clients back to back without a break so it didn't cause any more knock-on problems. I never minded waiting.

But rescheduling at the last minute I would not be able to tolerate.

Apr 21, 2016 at 08:50 PM

My therapist always started his session about 10 minutes after the hour and ended on the hour. I didn't really consider that starting late when I realized that was just the way he utilized his time. Sessions were full length, so it didn't bother me. I choose not to be too hung up on time in areas of my life where I have the flexibilty because as a teacher my life is literally run by a clock the rest of my day. I kind of like not even looking at a clock after I leave work.

Now the last minute cancellations would grate on my nerves.

You have to know what you are comfortable with, discuss your concerns with your therapist, and if things don't improve to a place that feels more secure, then finding another therapist is an option.

stopdog · Apr 21, 2016 at 09:19 PM

If the full time I was paying for was observed, I would not worry about it. I would probably note it and indicate because of it I would start coming later to match the true start time. But I don't go early and wait for either of the ones I see. I go in right on time and they are ready.

healed84 · Apr 22, 2016 at 04:33 AM

My t is always late.. Generally 20mins late though he has been later. Hr always makes the tune up. We have talked about it a lot, but it never really changes.

If it bothers you, you should talk to your t. Especially about the last min. Cancellations.

Apr 22, 2016 at 05:50 AM

My T is usually late, but we often go over time - sessions are usually between 60 and 90 minutes - so I don't really mind.

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Consistently Late-Need Opinions

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CameraObscura Member Member Since Nov 2013 Location: USA Posts: 321 11 136 hugs given	Apr 21, 2016 at 01:09 PM #2 I would take it very poorly. I wouldn't feel like my time and effort were being respected, and T would definitely hear about it. Can you send an email, so you can craft what you want to say on your own time?
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Anonymous37925 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 21, 2016 at 01:38 PM #4 I wouldn't return to a therapist who did this more than once.
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gayleggg Legendary Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Apr 2013 Location: Texas Posts: 26,619 (SuperPoster!) 11 10.4k hugs given	Apr 21, 2016 at 03:10 PM #5 I'm always punctual so I expect my therapist/doctors to be the same. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha zaicy1@gmail.com
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Vandelay Industries Junior Member Member Since Mar 2016 Location: US Posts: 20 8 84 hugs given	Apr 21, 2016 at 03:30 PM #6 That would drive me nuts. You should consider bringing it up with your T. __________________ - Veronica MDD, GAD, ADD, SAD, OCD. Pristiq, Abilify, Buspar. Previous: Mydayis, Trintellix, Strattera, Wellbutrin, Celexa, Cymbalta, Vyvanse, Adderall, Prozac, Zoloft.
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Random Member Member Since Nov 2004 Posts: 100 20 25 hugs given	Apr 21, 2016 at 03:43 PM #8 If it was rare and was because a client before me was having an emergency it wouldnt bother me. You said it wasnt that though and happening on a consistant basis. I'd probably mention it once and if it happened again would find a new therapist.
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Salmon77 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2014 Location: PNW Posts: 1,394 10 106 hugs given	Apr 21, 2016 at 04:09 PM #11 Once in a while, fine, stuff happens, but all the time? No way. I would not be okay with that. You should bring it up with her.
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Cinnamon_Stick Grand Poohbah Member Since May 2015 Location: USA Posts: 1,677 9 4,146 hugs given	Apr 21, 2016 at 05:04 PM #13 My T is always late by 10 to 15 minutes. I mentioned it when it first started happening and she said that clients run over and the time adds up. She always makes sure I have my full hour so it doesn't bother me.
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Pennster Poohbah Member Since Aug 2013 Location: US Posts: 1,030 11 442 hugs given	Apr 21, 2016 at 08:41 PM #16 One of my therapists was always late. He was generous with his time so it never bothered me. He always went over for me as well. He never had more than 2 clients back to back without a break so it didn't cause any more knock-on problems. I never minded waiting. But rescheduling at the last minute I would not be able to tolerate.
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Anonymous40413 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 22, 2016 at 05:50 AM #20 My T is usually late, but we often go over time - sessions are usually between 60 and 90 minutes - so I don't really mind.
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