Sarcastic therapist

I like my therapist a lot, but sometimes he can be overly sarcastic. It's difficult to tell if his sarcasm is actually him being negative or him just trying to lighten the mood.

For example, I had to cancel on my therapist at the last minute 2 weeks ago because I had a busy schedule ahead of me at work. He said, "Ah, yes... I can do that..." then paused for a minute. "I see. You'll do anything to get away from me. I know how it is!"

I know he was joking when he said "trying to get away from me", but it sounded negative to me. It seemed like he was using sarcasm instead of outright saying "really? you're going to cancel on me at the last minute? seems like you're coming up with excuses." (I'm referring to the "you'll do anything to get away from me" part... where it seemed like he was maybe accusing me of coming up with excuses.)

I don't know if this makes sense. It just seems like he lets out his disappointments and frustrations as sarcasm. I'm afraid he's actually extremely disappointed in me and that he'll drop me as a client.

Or maybe I'm being overly anxious/paranoid? Over analytical?

There are studies that show how little therapists are aware of the impact of their inappropriate attempts at humor. I would tell the therapist to stop trying to be funny.

"One of the most surprising findings was that relatively few participants (23%) reported that their therapists used humor appropriately. Not only was appropriate humor generally absent during the course of therapy, but inappropriate humor was amazingly prevalent, reported by almost 94% of the participants. Participants described some dismaying instances of hurtful jokes and related put-downs. One participant, for example, wrote that her therapist joked about her being suicidal; another described how her therapist belittled her for her fear during a biopsy for her fear during a biopsy for breast cancer. Such findings suggest that graduate training programs might devote more time to exploring the uses and misuses of humor in therapy."
The Therapist As Patient

Try to bring it up with him. I think it is an ineffective way to communicate and I loathe it. It is something I struggle with and have to force myself to not use.

I found this article about it:
http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2011/...y-it-hurts-us/

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As him if he uses sarcasm to cover up a lacking communication style and suggest that he work on his assertiveness skills so he doesn't have to resort to such primitive defenses

Sounds to me like he just makes lousy jokes. My T is the same way. Apparently this is common (Thanks, Stopdog). I wouldn't try to guess his motivations or wonder what he's secretly thinking, I'd just ask him outright when it happens--"Hey, did you say that instead of telling me you're disappointed in me? Are you disappointed?"

The anecdote you related, I interpreted as a joke. But you said this wasn't a one off and you're feeling anxious, so IMO it's worth you bringing up that those comments do make you anxious.

I'd put money on you getting a sincere apology.

My therapist jokes around like that all the time. I wouldn't take it too personally, but if you notice him saying something like that again, and it makes you feel bad, maybe call him out on it and ask him what he means by it? Sometimes therapists can forget that clients can be extra sensitive to even a casual remark, and it's fine if you are. We're all different.

Bring it up with him. I can't have any opinion about whether his jokes are ok and appropriate or not because I have no context of what's happening in your sessions. One thing I know is that it's not helpful to hold back something that bothers you, especially in therapy. If it bothers you, it's important enough to be addressed.

I think sometimes therapists and people in general utilize sarcasm and humor in attempts to build rapport. I think sarcasm is obnoxious and a low form of humor. I'm grateful my therapist doesn't use it. I would just tell your therapist you don't like it.

I am sorry this is upsetting you a bit. I would definitely talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel.

I do wonder if he meant it as a sarcasm, or just as a little joke? In my little ethnic subculture, we make dumb jokes all the time - it feels like a bonding thing to me, but I have noticed that I have to be careful with some people because they take it more seriously than I mean. Your therapist kind of sounds to me like the way I might talk and just mean it as joking around.

But if it doesn't work for you, then it's a good idea for you to ask him to stop! It will be good feedback for him to hear no matter what his intent is.

I always disliked the aloof, judgmental, cold, distant, sarcastic therapists.

The best ones were the ones who were compassionate, accepting, non-judgmental and empathetic.

What type of therapy is it? I'm not a big fan of pyschoanalyis but ones who taught what Carl Rogers did was good as well as Internal Family Systems based therapy.

I've noticed that humor can be very personal. I have the impression that my T tries to avoid it as much as she can. I sometimes make an attempt, but just like Pennster mentioned, I can be quite sarcastic, without it having much meaning. People close to me understand it, but it can be a tricky thing to use with people I don't know that well. I'm pretty good at saying funny things in a very serious way. So I've noticed people don't always 'get it'. Also because I have a different cultural background than my T does, it makes humor difficult and sarcasm is always being seen as if I have 'underlying feelings' and then T wants to discuss that, etc... So I quit doing that.

I think it would be good (if it was meant to be funny) to tell your therapist how it came across. I'm always glad when people tell me this, because I don't always realize and I'm pretty bad at reading stuff like that on their faces.
But when you talk about it you also offer your T a chance to explain. If you don't and feel bad about it, he may not realize what caused it and continue like that and drive you further apart.