[qwertykeyboard]

So sometimes I skip therapy bc I like the attention I get, with t calling asking if I'm okay and checking in on me and worrying about me and all.

I'm scared to talk to my T, though, about my need for attention because im afraid she'll stop giving it to me. Though, what if the opposite happens, if I talk to her about it she keeps giving me attention because she knows that's what I need right now?

Anyone talk to their T's about their need for attention, at risk of losing their T's attention?

[junkDNA]

doing that reinforces your need for attention bc your T responds to it like she does. there are healthy ways to get attention and there are unhealthy ways. everyone needs and deserves attention, but a large part of the problem is how you go about getting it. its natural to want to feel cared about... i would bring it up to your Therapist. im sure she won't be shocked by it as its a pretty common problem.

[Elkino]

I can understand you do this, because apparently it works too. So, like JunkDNA said, it reinforces your need for attention. If your T would talk to you about it, telling you that it seems like you're only skipping sessions out of a need for attention, maybe things would be different.
But it's good you realize that you're doing this and where that feeling comes from. If you can't talk to your T about the cases in which you did this, maybe you can at least bring up that you struggle with it and maybe give some other examples out of your daily life? It could make things easier. And it could make you think twice before you do it again, because you know that your T knows about your problem with that.

I also believe that there are healthier ways to get attention. Ways that make you feel better about it too, instead of guilty.
Do you have any things you're really good at and you could use as a way of getting attention too?

[PinkFlamingo99]

I don't think there's anything "wrong" with needing attention, but maybe your therapist would be able to give it to you in another way if you told her. If you want her attention, doesn't it kind of suck to miss out on your appointments?

I like attention too but almost think of it as a reward for example doing something. I think though when we take advantage of someone to get their attention we have crossed a line. Talk to your T about it. They certainly will have encountered this before. They will also give you some ideas how to achieve this in a less intrusive way.

For example, I like the attention I get from volunteering - when I've done a good job and especially when I am publically thanked. I like the attention I get from my artwork. These are constructive and not at another person's cost.

[Macavity]

If she's a good therapist she'll probably be willing to help you more and give you more attention -- its best to be honest so that you can find out early if she'll be the right one to assist you or not.

I know how you feel though, it feels nice when others are attuned to us, are compassionate and make us feel as though were "felt" -- or as though we've been seen by another. Its natural and good but can sometimes become a chaotic pattern when coming from an unhealthy place.

She may of course recognise that the need for attention is a need, and that when people feel insecure towards it or manipulate to get it, that its due to underlying insecurities from unmet needs in childhood. And how her working together with you on the issue can help you overcome them and thus improve your life.

So the need for attention moves from a unhealthy one to a healthy one -- where you end up having a healthier relationship with yourself (giving yourself the attention, care and compassion you need) as well as a healthier relationship with others.

Moving from codependency --> to interdependency.

[kecanoe]

I talk to my t about it. He has been willing to work with me to find ways to give positive attention. I was slipping into a pattern of doing unhealthy things for attention. It is still hard for me and I still want attention, but I am better at not feeling like I need to manipulate to get it. We've tried additional appointments, texting or phone check ins. If nothing else it helps me to know that he is willing to try.

[musinglizzy]

I do understand appreciating the attention. Do you actually cancel though, or just no-show?