[lifelesstraveled]

(Phew. It's been a while since I've posted in this forum.)

T: Do you feel safe here?
Me: Yeah. I'm fine.

I was getting overwhelmed by what we were talking about and I had to ask her to give me a minute (a few times) to gather myself bc my head was feeling dizzy/tickly, and I felt tunnel vision coming on, her voice was getting muffled, and i could feel this burning sensation moving btwn my stomach and chest (I didn't tell her about the tunnel vision or her muffled voice part). She said she couldn't tell I was getting overwhelmed bc I hid it so well and that I was talking normally until I asked to stop for a minute. I was really trying to make sure I didn't black out on her. At some point she asked if I felt safe "in here". My response was yea ---bc logically I know I am safe in her office.

I am confused as to why she would ask this. Why would she ask this? I'm seeing a trauma T for the first time and I'm confused by this question. My previous Ts have never asked this before.

I never feel totally safe with my T or in his room and I've been seeing him for 6 years now. I don't know why maybe this is a conversation we need to have.

Maybe you should bring it up if you can.

[stopdog]

I don't find it particularly safe to be at the therapist's office or with a therapist. I am younger and stronger than the woman appears, but they are wily and set traps. Physically I could leave but that does not make it safe - just not intolerable.

[atisketatasket]

It's the kind of thing they ask. Especially with trauma, I imagine the idea is you can't begin to recover from it until and unless you feel safe somewhere, because trauma tends to make us not feel safe anywhere.

That said, I find therapist's offices mostly physically safe - I'm younger, stronger, faster - but not emotionally safe.

[kecanoe]

My trauma trained t's want me to feel safe in session, and check in about my feelings of safety. I think yours may have asked about it to understand what was going on when you asked to stop for a minute-checking to see if you were overwhelmed or just needed to collect your thoughts or having a flashback or dissociating.

For me, part of dealing with PTSD is that I can easily find myself feeling unsafe even in the "safest" of locations if memories or sensations are somehow recalled or triggered by how I am experiencing what is going on around me. A good therapist realizes that and keeps check of how a client is feeling internally because lapsing into dissociation can be traumatizing in itself. My therapists were very good at sensing when I was on the verge of dissociation and knew by checking in with me about how I was feeling, how safe I was feeling, they could help me stay more present and our sessions were more productive.

[dancinglady]

I have never and will never feel safe in a Ts office.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I think its great that your T asked that. In order to get work done (I think) you should feel safe with your T and in there office. It shows your T cares about you. My T's office is my safe place. I feel like no harm can come to me in there.

[Fuzzybear]

[here today]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

I have never and will never feel safe in a Ts office.

I can sure understand. I'm going into my 7th year with a T whom I now trust less than ever -- although that's a kind of trust, I trust that I can't trust her. Each week go in thinking, "I'm strong enough I don't need this anymore. They've misunderstood and f****d me over, not 'intentionally', of course, for years." With this T I have faced my mistrust of her, and how bad I feel having been f****d over, some by her and lots by others and the general view in society that if you're distressed "go to a therapist". Maybe an immature, idealistic view, but I started with therapy when I was 15, starving myself with an eating disorder, and if I jumped on therapy as a life raft then, who of the therapists have ever tried to help guide me to the "shore" of real life with real people who might really care? Well, maybe the current one a little bit. But now I'm old, awful late to build a life though I may be having a little success (which I don't quite trust) and still hardly know how to speak out about this.

Maybe I feel safe enough in the current T's office to feel how unsafe and mistrusting I (really) feel. So that's something. But, again, it has just taken so long, with so much junk, poor advice, misdirection, and retraumatization along the way that I had no way to recognize.

T's never asked me that. I think she knows the answer by my actions within the theraputic space.