Terrified of closeness. Unyet.

I've been emailing with T and I told her I'd a dream I had where I move closer to get physically, by disguising the movement with my tears.
I ended the email by saying 'f @&k this s&&t, I can't do it. Ams what's the point of therapy if I'm still in the same place I was when i started?" - getting close etc -
T replied, but that is it. You telling me these things. She said , things have changed, it's just when we focus on closeness, the fear kicks in, But otherwise you do, do it.
I guess this is about keep going over And over this stuff, so that new pathways in the brain can grow.