Trying to be honest with T

Roaming_bird · May 15, 2016 at 07:30 PM

I feel like I'm trying to be honest with T, like we had talked about during our last session. I've been monitoring what I say because I worry about how she will see me, or if she will be overwhelmed by me. I'm trying.

I'm feeling horrible tonight. Depression has escalated severely. I'm not suicidal but needed to reach out, like she's encouraged me to do in the past.

I left a voicemail for her. She called and left a voicemail for me, basically saying that if I really thought that talking to her would help, to call at a specific time. If I couldn't do that, to go to the ER.

She's never said that to me.

I'm so sad. I could be overreacting, but now, in this moment, I needed her to be kind, even if it was just kindness over the voicemail. I feel like I was slapped in the face. She's my psychiatrist too, so I can't just quit therapy because I know I need my medications.

Sorry to bother you guys.

Waterbear · May 15, 2016 at 07:35 PM

That sounds really hard. Reaching out is hard enough but to be met with something that appears cold and unwelcoming is tough, I know. I would call at the specified time and see what happens, you can always hang up if it isn't what you want on the other end. Your T may just be rubbish at leaving voice mails.

ruh roh · May 15, 2016 at 07:39 PM

It sounds like she is taking you seriously, so isn't that a good thing? I guess without the voice component, I can't tell what it was about her message that felt like a slap.

Give her a call at the appointed time and see how that goes?

atisketatasket · May 15, 2016 at 07:40 PM

I'd just call her. Some people, me included, keep voicemails as short and businesslike as possible.

Pennster · May 15, 2016 at 09:41 PM

I'm sorry it's so hard for you! I agree that it's possible she may just be bad at leaving messages. Or maybe she had an off moment? I hope that you can reach out again. If she's been kind in the past I imagine it is likely she will be kind again.

Sending good thoughts your way.

May 15, 2016 at 09:45 PM

She may only be available at a certain time due to some other obligation so she was just letting you know when that would be, so call her at that time when she will be able to take your call.

kecanoe · May 15, 2016 at 09:58 PM

I think Lola is right.

May 15, 2016 at 10:11 PM

It does seem cold.

It's odd that she told you to go to the ER if you're not suicidal.

I hope you can get some comfort somehow.

Bipolarchic14 · May 15, 2016 at 10:36 PM

I am wondering what you expected to happen. It sounds like your therapist cares about you. You called her and she called you back. Rather than play phone tag she told you when she is free. It is important to remember therapists have lots of patients they work with so it is important to have some structure. She suggested the er to cover herself but it is also good advice. I have had times when the er probably was my best option.

atisketatasket · 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

It does seem cold.

It's odd that she told you to go to the ER if you're not suicidal.

I hope you can get some comfort somehow.

I've been told to go to the ER for a bout of extreme anxiety. It is not ideal and it sounds like it was meant as a Plan B. But it's not limited to suicidal feelings.

May 15, 2016 at 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roaming_bird

I feel like I'm trying to be honest with T, like we had talked about during our last session. I've been monitoring what I say because I worry about how she will see me, or if she will be overwhelmed by me. I'm trying.

I'm feeling horrible tonight. Depression has escalated severely. I'm not suicidal but needed to reach out, like she's encouraged me to do in the past.

I left a voicemail for her. She called and left a voicemail for me, basically saying that if I really thought that talking to her would help, to call at a specific time. If I couldn't do that, to go to the ER.

She's never said that to me.

I'm so sad. I could be overreacting, but now, in this moment, I needed her to be kind, even if it was just kindness over the voicemail. I feel like I was slapped in the face. She's my psychiatrist too, so I can't just quit therapy because I know I need my medications.

Sorry to bother you guys.

I think you have to remember to be of help. A T needs to remain steady. It won't make sense now. But if she's a good T you will get what you need, but in a structured way.

Roaming_bird · May 16, 2016 at 12:44 AM

I listened to the voicemail again, after I calmed down, and she sounded much kinder. I'm glad we're meet on Tuesday, although it will be embarrassing to talk about. I hate freaking out like that.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

May 16, 2016 at 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I've been told to go to the ER for a bout of extreme anxiety. It is not ideal and it sounds like it was meant as a Plan B. But it's not limited to suicidal feelings.

My husband works in the er and gets so irritated at that type of situation. I never said it was only for suicide, but op just mentioned depression.

Sent from my XT1565 using Tapatalk

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Waterbear Magnate Member Since Feb 2016 Location: England Posts: 2,410 8 1,316 hugs given	May 15, 2016 at 07:35 PM #2 That sounds really hard. Reaching out is hard enough but to be met with something that appears cold and unwelcoming is tough, I know. I would call at the specified time and see what happens, you can always hang up if it isn't what you want on the other end. Your T may just be rubbish at leaving voice mails.
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ruh roh Run of the Mill Snowflake Member Since May 2015 Location: here and there Posts: 4,468 9 5,077 hugs given	May 15, 2016 at 07:39 PM #3 It sounds like she is taking you seriously, so isn't that a good thing? I guess without the voice component, I can't tell what it was about her message that felt like a slap. Give her a call at the appointed time and see how that goes?
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atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,302 (SuperPoster!) 9 12.4k hugs given	May 15, 2016 at 07:40 PM #4 I'd just call her. Some people, me included, keep voicemails as short and businesslike as possible.
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Pennster Poohbah Member Since Aug 2013 Location: US Posts: 1,030 11 442 hugs given	May 15, 2016 at 09:41 PM #5 I'm sorry it's so hard for you! I agree that it's possible she may just be bad at leaving messages. Or maybe she had an off moment? I hope that you can reach out again. If she's been kind in the past I imagine it is likely she will be kind again. Sending good thoughts your way.
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Anonymous50005 Guest Posts: n/a	May 15, 2016 at 09:45 PM #6 She may only be available at a certain time due to some other obligation so she was just letting you know when that would be, so call her at that time when she will be able to take your call.
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kecanoe Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2008 Location: Illinois, USA Posts: 3,052 16 7,192 hugs given	May 15, 2016 at 09:58 PM #7 I think Lola is right.
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Anonymous37890 Guest Posts: n/a	May 15, 2016 at 10:11 PM #8 It does seem cold. It's odd that she told you to go to the ER if you're not suicidal. I hope you can get some comfort somehow.
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Roaming_bird Member Member Since Sep 2015 Location: US Posts: 201 9 17 hugs given	May 16, 2016 at 12:44 AM #12 I listened to the voicemail again, after I calmed down, and she sounded much kinder. I'm glad we're meet on Tuesday, although it will be embarrassing to talk about. I hate freaking out like that. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ dx: bipolar II wellbutrin citalopram lamotrigine
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