[sinking]

Im starting to wonder whats the point in therapy.
you go in there, talk and express your feelings, you barely get any answer, and leave.
yes, you express your yourself, but how does it practically help with your issues? it gives you a little bit of encouragement (if it does it) and then all is the same.
im finding myself more and more frustrated with this question. whats the point in therapy?

[Schizoid_1]

I would say it would help you to improve the quality of your life and discuss and explore the obstacles you face in doing that and then methods or ways to work through them. I am struggling with therapy myself but I feel that with a therapist as a guide, I can change my maladaptive behavioral patterns and work through fears that would paralyze me.

[doogie]

It's a good question. I don't think the 'point' of therapy is the same for everyone. Maybe some people just need a listening ear, some people need to work through their stuff, some people need a neutral perspective on things, etc.

For me, therapy has given me a place to be really heard and understood. I'm dealing with trauma stuff and so much of it (if not all of it) has remained secret and in the dark for so long that it is helpful to me to have someone to bear witness to my stories. And I guess more than that, empathize with me and affirm for me that what happened WAS wrong and it WASN'T my fault. My therapist challenges my beliefs about myself - and I begin to think about myself in a new way. She doesn't tell me what to think about myself, but she helps me to discover what I believe about myself. I think, for me, that's the purpose of therapy. Of course, my T and I work well together. I don't know if this process would be working as well for me if my T and I didn't have a good relationship. I hope you find your 'point'. Good luck to you!

I agree with doogie that the "point" of therapy is different for everyone. Some people like to have a listening ear; others seek answers.

I think you need a new therapist. You're seeking answers and your therapist isn't giving you what you're looking for.

Maybe your therapist is really good at lending a listening ear, but not so good at giving concrete answers. It's okay. Not every therapist is good at everything.

Find a therapist who meets your needs. I know it can be challenging, but it'll be worth it in the long run. You'll feel a lot better.

[Trippin2.0]

We each decide for ourselves what the point is... So its up to you to decide why you go there, what you want from it, or what you want to achieve by going.


I go to improve maladaptive thinking patterns and behaviours.


I go to process past traumatic experiences.


I go to improve my interpersonal and coping skills, so my romantic relationship doesn't suffer from my acronyms.


I go to get an unbiased sounding board / guide.


You're the client, so you get to decide why you're going.

[Rive.]

I am not sure what answers you are seeking but Ts aren't miracle workers. The only expert on you is you. They may help clear the fog with psychological tools or techniques but ultimately, clients have to sort their feelings and walk the walk.

[Argonautomobile]

Sorry you're having doubts. I wonder this myself sometimes. I like what Trippin said about you being the client, so you get to decide. What, ideally, would you like to get out of therapy?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I go to improve my interpersonal and coping skills, so my romantic relationship doesn't suffer from my acronyms.

Well said!

[Cinnamon_Stick]

For me the point of therapy is to have my feelings validated, to have someone listen to me. To get insights and suggestions and to improve my quality of life. As others have said the point of therapy is different to everyone.

I myself have struggled to see the point a few times, especially now that my T found a new job and is leaving. Its hard to get attached to someone and have someone make you feel so good, like you matter just to have them leave. I try to look at the positives though, like how lucky I am to have had such a great therapist for so many years and all I have learned from her and how she and her insights have changed my life. Therapy is tough and not for the weak of heart.

[Piickles]

It helps me feel validated and worthy of life. It gives me perspective.

During this loooong what seems endless process I keep asking the same question as you, and that carries over to what's the point in life at all? I sort of see it as the hand I have been dealt and that its my responsibility to be in therapy.

I agree with above that the point is different for each individual. For me:

My dad was a narcissist and my mum has the emotional depth of a teaspoon. So I'm learning how to regulate my emotions instead of suppressing them and having them come out in unhealthy ways (OCD, anorexia and Anxiety)

It's been a slow process and I hadn't noticed any change until I looked years back on how I used to survive each day.

Depends firstly if you have a T capable of helping you find something worthwhile. I mean I could give you my experience of what I do get from T. But if you don't have a good enough T. That would be like me talking double Dutch to you.
I will say, in the beginnig I was in a pink cloud. Then that passed and I felt the journey would take to long. I'd be dead before I got anything from it. That passed. Then I begun to feel changes.

[Mygrandjourney]

I'm not sure what's changed with you sinking, but you sound much better than you did a few weeks ago. I think that the fact that you're asking this question might be a sign that you're doing at least a little better.

Check out this quote from David Burns:

1. How would you respond to a new client who asks: "What should I talk about?"

Therapy is not to "talk about" things, but to change the person's life, and to relieve suffering, such as depression, anxiety, or relationship problems. Of course, empathy and skillful listening are important at the start of each session, but they are simply not sufficient to change the patient's life. You can talk until you're blue in the face, and therapists can nod and mutter, "tell me more," but you'll still be suffering from PTSD, or OCD, or depression, or lousy relationships with other people, or whatever the problem is.

After a period of empathy and listening, I will ask the question, "I would like to offer you something more than just support and listening, although that's obviously of great importance. I'm wonder if there's something you want help with in today's session? You've mentioned a lot of heartbreaking issues today-your brother's heroin addiction and suicide, they way your ex-wife has been abusing you, your problems with your son, and your social anxiety. I have many powerful tools to help you deal with these problems, and I'm wondering if this would be a good time for us to roll up our sleeves and get to work. Or, if you need more time to talk and vent, that's okay too. I don't want to jump in prematurely, before you're ready."

This gives the patient three messages: 1. I'm here to support you, although that's obviously of great importance; 2. I have much more to offer you than just listening, and more will be necessary if you really want to change your life; 3. Change is possible if we work together as a team.

Once the patient has described the problem, I conceptualize the nature of the problem and explore the likely reasons for resisting change in a kindly way, so as to reverse resistance, using paradoxical techniques. I also begin to think about the techniques that will be most likely to help the patient. I use approximately 50 techniques, such as the Interpersonal Downward Arrow, the Paradoxical Cost-Benefit Analysis, the Daily Mood Log, the Externalization of Voices, the Acceptance Paradox, and more. Some techniques are exceptionally powerful for depression; some work well for the anxiety disorders; some are helpful for relationship problems; and some are great for habits and addictions. There's no one panacea that works for everything.[/SIZE]

[BudFox]

Have you considered stopping? Most of my therapy experiences were similar to what you describe. It was someone to talk to, but after a while it felt distinctly pointless. The usual way of framing this -- try harder, be more honest, find the right T -- assumes the problem is with the client.

[WrkNPrgress]

It begs the question, sinking, what are your goals in therapy? Have you written anything out as to what you'd like to accomplish and shared that with your Therapist?

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Mygrandjourney

Therapy is not to "talk about" things, but to change the person's life, and to relieve suffering, such as depression, anxiety, or relationship problems. Of course, empathy and skillful listening are important at the start of each session, but they are simply not sufficient to change the patient's life.

This sounds noble and well-intentioned, but I find it disturbing along the lines of god-complex. He speaks (elsewhere) of his "treatments" as if they are a sure thing, a scientific certainty. And that what he does is necessary for those who are depressed, anxious, etc.

I also see in his ideas the consistent message that people suffer because they lack self-awareness, motivation, or courage. I find this presumptuous and offensive, not to mention divorced from reality.

Therapy as a profession has to justify its existence by claiming all of this, but shouldn't we as consumers ask whether it's true?

David Burns is CBT oriented, so the entire quote makes sense in the context of his therapy orientation. That is very much how my therapists handled sessions -- starting with what a client does bring up, but doing more than just sitting in listening. They were very much geared toward helping me find change for the situations in my life that were causing me distress. For me, I truly appreciated that approach because to just go in and talk each week without seeing a goal or plan at least somewhat in the future, I would have been very frustrated and would have just felt like I was spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. I never picked up on any kind of vibe that my T thought he had all the answers, but rather, he was simply a therapist who was able to support and walk with me through that journey of healing and progress. Behavior approaches aren't for everyone (no therapy approach is for everyone), but for many, including myself, those behavioral strategies have been the take-home and follow-through that have made the most positive impact.

To the OP: Have you considered a more goal-oriented type of therapy if therapy is what you want to continue doing? Perhaps that goal focus might be more of what you are looking for.

Sometimes in mylife there was no point, at least that I could see, yet I went anyway. Other times I wished I hadn't wasted the money.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Mygrandjourney

Check out this quote from David Burns:

1. How would you respond to a new client who asks: "What should I talk about?"

Therapy is not to "talk about" things, but to change the person's life, and to relieve suffering, such as depression, anxiety, or relationship problems. Of course, empathy and skillful listening are important at the start of each session, but they are simply not sufficient to change the patient's life. You can talk until you're blue in the face, and therapists can nod and mutter, "tell me more," but you'll still be suffering from PTSD, or OCD, or depression, or lousy relationships with other people, or whatever the problem is.

After a period of empathy and listening, I will ask the question, "I would like to offer you something more than just support and listening, although that's obviously of great importance. I'm wonder if there's something you want help with in today's session? You've mentioned a lot of heartbreaking issues today-your brother's heroin addiction and suicide, they way your ex-wife has been abusing you, your problems with your son, and your social anxiety. I have many powerful tools to help you deal with these problems, and I'm wondering if this would be a good time for us to roll up our sleeves and get to work. Or, if you need more time to talk and vent, that's okay too. I don't want to jump in prematurely, before you're ready."

This gives the patient three messages: 1. I'm here to support you, although that's obviously of great importance; 2. I have much more to offer you than just listening, and more will be necessary if you really want to change your life; 3. Change is possible if we work together as a team.

Once the patient has described the problem, I conceptualize the nature of the problem and explore the likely reasons for resisting change in a kindly way, so as to reverse resistance, using paradoxical techniques. I also begin to think about the techniques that will be most likely to help the patient. I use approximately 50 techniques, such as the Interpersonal Downward Arrow, the Paradoxical Cost-Benefit Analysis, the Daily Mood Log, the Externalization of Voices, the Acceptance Paradox, and more. Some techniques are exceptionally powerful for depression; some work well for the anxiety disorders; some are helpful for relationship problems; and some are great for habits and addictions. There's no one panacea that works for everything.[/SIZE]

I would want to kill this guy.
I believe those who say this sort of approach helps them, but I would become homicidal towards him.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would want to kill this guy.
I believe those who say this sort of approach helps them, but I would become homicidal towards him.

I agree! To me, this pontification smacks of hubris and arrogance.

The point of therapy? I think there is a large placebo component. The more one believes it works, the more empowered one feels to make changes to improve one's own well being. I have to laugh at therapists writing about technique like they are performing brain surgery. For me, the biggest game changer from therapy was feeling heard and less alone with my problems. The ripple effect positively impacted my life in many areas. I've found an empathetic good listener outperforms a $&@& with fancy exercises and 'insights' 100%. I'm not trying to disparage CBT etc since it has served an important purpose for me in the past, but feel that the more subjective and difficult to describe parts of therapy have been the most helpful.

All this sounds so foreign. I get down to 'work' with my therapist from the moment I walk in. It's difficult and hard at times. Yes we talk about feelings and I'm challenged now and then. But I reiterate that it is work. It feels more like a class than a talking session. I even get a great deal of homework to do between sessions. The realationship I have with her is more like that of instructor and mentor.

[sinking]

Thanks to all of you answering. i think i have found my answer. it is finding a reason to wanting to live. how i'll do that, i have no idea....

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would want to kill this guy.
I believe those who say this sort of approach helps them, but I would become homicidal towards him.

This doesn't surprise me.

In my own case, my Therapist and I discussed and made a plan as to what the therapy would look like. We scheduled regular 'check-ups' where we would evaluate how the progress was going and amend our objectives together. We decided ahead of time what the milestones would be and adhered to the plan accordingly. All along the way was the opportunity for me to provide feedback.

[SarahSweden]

I feel the same as you at the moment and I don´t think one can expect any practically help with ones issues. If you want more of advice and "home work", then CBT is more suitable than psychodynamic therapy but it´s still up to the client.

If you´re lucky you meet with a T who´s attuned and the therapeutic relationship will offer a lot of guidance and support. But for me these are only rare occasions and something that´s described within therapy litterature by "master" therapists who spent many years working and doing science about therapy. Nothing one should expect within public health care for example, that´s my experience.

Originally Posted by sinking

Im starting to wonder whats the point in therapy.
you go in there, talk and express your feelings, you barely get any answer, and leave.
yes, you express your yourself, but how does it practically help with your issues? it gives you a little bit of encouragement (if it does it) and then all is the same.
im finding myself more and more frustrated with this question. whats the point in therapy?

[Ididitmyway]

For me this has to be discussed with the therapist at the first meeting because the point of therapy is different for everyone. If you and the therapist have a different ideas about what has to be accomplished in therapy, therapy won't work. So, this is something to be made clear at the onset of therapy to make sure you and the T are on the same page and that you two have a clear understanding of what you are working on. Some call it a "goal setting" but to me it's more about the idea of a fully informed consent and a fully informed agreement/contract between T and client about what kind of work they are doing and how they are doing it.

I consider my first therapy experience the most harmful one but there was one thing about it that I truly appreciated. It was when the T asked me about my goals for therapy. My goal at the time, if I recall correctly, was to become less emotionally dependent on certain people in my life. Oddly enough, that objective was met, despite the fact that I was re-traumatized in the process. Then my goal changed and my T wasn't capable of helping me reach it. When I fully realized it, I quit seeing him but it wasn't done easily..it's the whole another story though..