[speckofdust]

I know not every therapist's office has a couch , but, hey, mine does. I don't lie down on it, and even if I did, we would still make eye contact.

Here's my question - while it generally feels safe, warm, and comforting to be with my T for the 45-55 mins once a week, what am I supposed to do outside of that comfort zone?

Also, I wish that I could feel connected to my T outside of our sessions. For example, if she had a website where she regularly posted articles and/or her own thoughts and ideas, I would feel like I could at least read her words which are usually so calming and wise. Maybe some therapists do this, but of the three I've had over the past several years, none have.

I know that the ideal situation is that we find our own support systems and places of comfort outside of therapy, with the help of therapy, but I haven't been successful in finding that over the past several years.

I'm working on developing coping mechanisms and ways to self-soothe, but I'm still depressed, anxious, hopeless, etc. when I leave each week, and then I have to wait another week to get that little snippet of time where I feel a little better.

What's worse, I can't always get an appointment with her every week, and I hate having to "skip" a week. I also wish our appointments weren't so short. I always leave feeling like there was so much more I wanted to talk about.

I suppose that part of the reason I'm on this forum now is that I'm trying to find that alternative source of comfort and compassion and a place to vent outside of my sessions. But, I wonder what your thoughts are regarding this?

[ilikecats]

I understand wanting more time with T. It's hard just to see them for 45 minutes a week. I see mine twice a week and it's still not enough. Does your T offer outside contact? Mine does and it's extremely helpful. I also find this forum helpful. I hope you find a way to cope between sessions!

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[Waterbear]

Hello!! I find this site useful in the most part and hope you will too. It is something I have struggled with, maintaining that contact. I also appreciate the aim to get that out of therapy but for someone who presents such a different side of themselves to the outside world, someone who has never shown their true self to anyone else, someone who doesn't even really know who they are, this can be a very hard thing to do. My aim of therapy is to learn who I am, to learn that I have worth, that it is OK to present myself to others and that I will not (probably) get beaten or physically or emotionally abused for doing so. For some reason I figure the safest place to do this is with a proffessional, someone who (hopefully) knows what they are doing and who can guide me. But also someone who, if it does all go wrong, can be dropped without ever having to see them again, unlike those close to us.

Sorry, this is going off topic, I left my old T today and it has been a hard day. I think what I am trying to say is that whilst the aim is to be able to do this out of therapy, the method is through therapy and through the relationship with the T. My old T, and my new T both allow out of session contact which is helpful both for processing and for keeping a connection, though it doesn't always work and can backfire when waiting for responses. I know some Ts appreciate the need for this much more than others as you will see from different people on this site. My T often goes over time, seeing me for 75 mins which seems necessary due to the struggle i have to get things out. I also see her twice a week. Does your T allow emails or texts? Do they understand what is really going on for you right now?

Sorry if I went off topic or didn't answer your post right. Hope you can find your way.

[speckofdust]

[QUOTE=ilikecats;5075772]I understand wanting more time with T. It's hard just to see them for 45 minutes a week. I see mine twice a week and it's still not enough. Does your T offer outside contact? Mine does and it's extremely helpful. I also find this forum helpful. I hope you find a way to cope between sessions!

Cats-

I haven't ever asked my current T directly about contact outside of session, and she has never offered. I get the feeling she doesn't do that. One week during session, her dog (who comes to work with her) got sick, and I helped my T clean up the mess. I called the office the next day and left a message with the receptionist to have her call me back, but she never did. I was actually just calling to see how the dog was doing. That leads me to believe she doesn't do the email, text, call me thing. I suppose if I were standing on a ledge and I left a message with the receptionist to that effect, she might call or have someone else do it if she couldn't.

A while back, I asked my T if she thought that once a week was a good number of times for me to see her, and she said yes. I was kind of hoping she would say that I could increase the number of visits, but I didn't say anymore about it. Plus, I usually feel like she thinks once a week is too much, but she has not said that either. Just a feeling on my part.

[speckofdust]

Waterbear-

Yes, I see what you're saying. I don't think you went off topic. For me, it's difficult to get through each day since I currently have those "ideations" that have come along with the ongoing depression and hopelessness and not have the level of support that I believe I need in between sessions. I do manage to get through the days (barely), but I also continue to make plans and take steps toward controlling my own destiny. My T knows that I do this, but doesn't offer any additional support options.

I keep hoping that I'll find someone in "regular life" that I can talk to about these things, but it's not like I can just run out and get it like it's a loaf of bread at the store. Plus, in my current state, I'm not able to get out and meet new people. I can barely manage to spend time with the few friends I have.

[Waterbear]

I hear you on that one. Wish is was as easy as buying a loaf of bread!! I have no idea where to start either, how do you get to that point with someone when you can barely say hi to people. I am lucky in a way that I can get out and about but only if I step into a different pair of shoes. I need to learn how to wear my shoes, sounds like you do too and that is what my old T says the kind of therapy I need will do. I am struggling to believe it but for now have blind faith in her. Inside of me I have always known what I believe will really help me and she has helped me to see that this is OK and is a known method of therapy and that I must find someone who will work in this way if it is to really work, long term. Would you consider seeing a different T who would help you with what you want? Trust me when I say I know how tough that would be. One foot in front of the other, in whichever pair of shoes fit for now!