[Elkino]

Hi,

I talked to my therapist two days ago and am not feeling too well about it. I feel as if something has changed. All of a sudden the digging into childhood made place for 'whatever the reason is, just get over it'.

A bit later I started to cry (which I almost never do) because of some things bothering me in my life right now. My therapist said that 'there's nothing more out there', I just have to try to be happy with what I have, apparently.
In a way I understand it, happiness is not something we find in 'more 'and 'better', etc. We need to look for it in ourselves. But still...

By the end of my conversation and after having told how I can't keep doing my job anymore, the conclusion was that I probably have to quit, as soon as I can. Why not tomorrow? But I'm absolutely not in the right position (living on my own, having health issues,...). I find it a bit 'easy' of her to say or suggest doing that. She believes that things that are meant to be will happen at the right moment and I shouldn't worry. But who will pick up the pieces when I completely fall apart, broken and broke... ?
She knows I can't do that now.

Maybe she was just frustrated by my insights, but not taking action ever. I've had the aha-moment about quitting my job for almost a year now.
I like my T and she has always been good to me, but I'm worried this time. I'm not sure whether this is the help I need. Any advise? Insights?

[ruh roh]

I'm sorry. Did she actually say, "Whatever the reason, get over it."? Because that's really harsh. I can relate to the part about this is it, be happy with it. It might be true, but it's depressing to hear. I sometimes wonder if therapists have a different (lower) standard for what quality of life is for clients vs themselves.

If you like your therapist and have had a generally positive experience with her, can you tell her how this has hurt you and see if how you've taken her words is how she intended them?

[awkwardlyyours]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I sometimes wonder if therapists have a different (lower) standard for what quality of life is for clients vs themselves.

This.

Also, I don't know if this is true about OP's T but mine seems to place a massive amount of importance on feelings vs. a pragmatic assessment of what would work best for me -- so, I actually talk very little to her about my work stuff (and even when I did it was at her insistence) because she'll come up with similar stuff about doing things that makes me "happy" (somehow paying bills isn't a part of that scenario) and in a way that gives relationships (including the one with her) primacy in my life.

That seems to me utterly f-ed up (am all about being happy but....) and I've given up on her understanding otherwise -- I'm not sure if she's done the whole happy-career thing in her life and/or if she's just saying it because that's what she was taught but either way it's crappy advice for my situation.

OP -- I'm all for not discussing certain things with T (and I've actually said "Thank you but I don't want to talk about it" to her) if the conversation turns out to be utterly useless.

So, for the work stuff, I would much rather get useful, practical advice from people in the field who know what they're talking about rather than in therapy -- btw, when I told my T this, she said that we can still talk about "wishes and desires" in therapy. Uhh....no. Not happening. It would just be endless frustration for me.

[Sarmas]

That's an unacceptable way to respond by your T and that's regardless of the issues she might be encountering in her life. That's just very unprofessional. Clients see Ts for multiple reasons and obviously we are there because we have issues. I think somehow the reality of life soemtimes gets tossed out but you will suffer the reprecussions if you were to follow her recommendations. Think what type of therapist would recommend that and how is she working in your best interest. perhaps it's best to ask her what her "angle" is. Could it be an approach that she's taking but that would be an odd one. it just seems very unprofessional and not to your benefit at all . Sorry to hear that.

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

That's an unacceptable way to respond by your T and that's regardless of the issues she might be encountering in her life. That's just very unprofessional. Clients see Ts for multiple reasons and obviously we are there because we have issues. I think somehow the reality of life soemtimes gets tossed out but you will suffer the reprecussions if you were to follow her recommendations. Think what type of therapist would recommend that and how is she working in your best interest. perhaps it's best to ask her what her "angle" is. Could it be an approach that she's taking but that would be an odd one. it just seems very unprofessional and not to your benefit at all . Sorry to hear that.

Yeah, I agree, it's as if this is utopia. In a perfect world I'd quit my job and something better shows up the next day. But this is life and life can be hard. And I do know that we shouldn't always be pessimistic or we would never take risks... But the opposite isn't that healthy either imo.

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I'm sorry. Did she actually say, "Whatever the reason, get over it."? Because that's really harsh. I can relate to the part about this is it, be happy with it. It might be true, but it's depressing to hear. I sometimes wonder if therapists have a different (lower) standard for what quality of life is for clients vs themselves.

If you like your therapist and have had a generally positive experience with her, can you tell her how this has hurt you and see if how you've taken her words is how she intended them?

That part to me seems like she's just getting bored with my situation and story.
I have a feeling that the better my T feels, the happier she feels with her life, the more she seems to minimize the issues in my life.
T is having a great time right now, everything goes according to plan, but that doesn't mean that that's the rule by which all of our lives unfold, right?

I'm not sure how I can address this without sounding like a bad person though... :-/

[Pennster]

I am sorry you are going through this! But I don't think you would sound like a bad person in addressing this.

I would be weirded out by a therapist who believes that things that are meant to be will happen at the right moment. That doesn't sound in touch with reality. I could very much see how this kind of magical would create problems in a therapeutic relationship.

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by Pennster

I am sorry you are going through this! But I don't think you would sound like a bad person in addressing this.

I would be weirded out by a therapist who believes that things that are meant to be will happen at the right moment. That doesn't sound in touch with reality. I could very much see how this kind of magical would create problems in a therapeutic relationship.

I have to say, as a super rational person... maybe having met a therapist I liked but turned out to be quite spiritual... it may have been a blessing to help me become a bit more sensitive and believing in things. But also, yes, sometimes it leads to disagreeing and me thinking she is kind of weird. hehe

I am so worried about everything that probably I'll never quit my job, no matter the circumstances. Her approach is a bit too much of the opposite maybe. lol
Maybe T was just lucky to have been given things at the exact right moment. If that kind of lucky people exist.