[stopdog]

Do you want a more or less chatty therapist? I prefer the less chatty. If I want chat, I have friends and family and pets (mine are noisy).

[ThisWayOut]

I prefer one in between. I don't like monologues, but sometimes I need to vent. I prefer my t to be interactive and talk. It would drive me nuts if she just sat there listening all the time.

[Chuva]

I used to have a therapist who didn't talk at all. Sometimes it was hard for me to talk about my inner life and my experiences, so we just sat there in silence. I thought it was awful, and I still remember those times with dread.

I like a therapist who talks to me, giving me insight, advice and input. I'm not interested in knowing anything about their personal life or their personal thoughts and emotions, but I want a dialog.

[AncientMelody]

Originally Posted by Chuva

I used to have a therapist who didn't talk at all. Sometimes it was hard for me to talk about my inner life and my experiences, so we just sat there in silence. I thought it was awful, and I still remember those times with dread.

I like a therapist who talks to me, giving me insight, advice and input. I'm not interested in knowing anything about their personal life or their personal thoughts and emotions, but I want a dialog.

Goodness yet. I tried out a therapist at my pyschiatrist's office 2x who was very silent like that and yet made this intense eye contact. I felt like a science experiment! That's how I ended up getting my therapy from my psychiatrist. I told her "I"m much more comfortable with you!"

[stopdog]

I did see one once for a very short period of time who would either draw mystery pictures on a white board and then look at me but did not talk or would just sit there while I shook. That was awful and that therapist was crazy (played poker with clients, came to their parties, told clients they could not quit until she allowed it, said she was the only therapist around who knew how to do couple's therapy etc). I did not want their advice or anything, but I did want some questions so I would know the sort of things to talk about. If the one I see now could confine herself to useful questions, I would let her talk more.

[velcro003]

My first T ALWAYS sat in silence at the beginning of every session, and I HATED it. She knew it too, not that she ever changed it. She wasn't completely silent, but she could let silences go on for 5 minutes at a time, and I floundered and never knew what to say.

My T now is a chatterbox. She always prompts me how my week was, did anything come up...etc. she makes it easy to have a dialogue. Much preferred for me.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I did see one once for a very short period of time who would either draw mystery pictures on a white board and then look at me but did not talk and just sat there while I shook. That was awful and that therapist was crazy. I did not want their advice or anything, but I did want some questions so I would know the sort of things to talk about. If the one I see now could confine herself to useful questions, I would let her talk more.

She drew mystery pictures but wouldn't talk?! Like Rorschach pictures? Weeiirrdddd.

[awkwardlyyours]

Yes, I do want her to talk -- I specifically asked if she was one of those silent types at the first session and said that that would freak me out. So, she said that in the interest of not freaking me out, she'd talk.

I guess I sometimes have a fantasy of my sessions being more Woody-Allen-esque and wish that she'd have piercing insights to offer and we'd have really deep conversations (rather than the largely mundane stuff that she ends up saying [not entirely useless but still]) -- and yes, I recognize that that is part of my (large) set of issues and I need to tone down my expectations of what a therapist should be like.

[atisketatasket]

I don't want chat in the sense of chit-chat. One reason I started therapy was to learn how to talk to people better, so I kind of need them to talk to do that.

However, when I fall silent, I do not like them to break the silence first.

[Argonautomobile]

I like my T to speak. Otherwise it's like talking to a wall that occasionally makes vowel noises. I wish he spoke more. It's not that I think he has super-human insight into life's problems (he doesn't--actually, he often stammers and then looks mildly disappointed in his own lack of eloquence!), but I'm so curious about everything and always really appreciate when anybody wants to take a stab at answering a question or offering up an opinion.

Good poll.

[brillskep]

I want my therapist to talk to me because it's a relationship and I value mutuality. That said, I don't want my therapist to take over the whole session if I have a different topic I need to discuss. But as long as we're talking about what I need and he is giving me space and not interrupting me, I want to hear him too just as I want him to hear me.

[ilikecats]

I want my T to talk, and she does. I'm glad that I have a T who doesn't just sit there silently. I really like it when my T talks, and she actually does more of the talking than me.

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[ruh roh]

Oh yes, I want the therapist to talk--not aimlessly chatter, but engage in discussion so that I can better understand some things. It's my only way of knowing if she's understanding what I'm saying. If I'm too emotional to speak, I would like her to keep it going and not just sit there and stare at me or I will leave and regret having been there.

I ticked other because I want insight from him but not advice. I don't mind when he talks because he keeps it relevant. If he talked about himself and his life I wouldn't like it.

The top three. I definitely like a conversation -- a give and take. I personally am paying them for their professional assistance/insight/input, etc. I'm paying them to help me figure out how to find my own awareness and way through my issues; if I could have done that on my own, I would have. Lord knows I tried. I like to hear about their life, their opinions, etc., and I don't mind a bit of advice or guidance along the way. Sometimes I take it; sometimes I don't, but I'm glad to have it to consider and perhaps challenge me. I don't feel at all obligated to agree with everything they say, and I don't but I appreciate the input.

My T usually gets it right. Sometimes I have to remind him to give me the Readers Digest version due to my Auditory processing disorder, that he diagnosed and forgets about more often than not.

i love it when she talks,about anything.

[junkDNA]

If he doesn't say anything I get worried and ask him why he's not talking

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[Victoria'smom]

I'd like one that talks but isn't afraid for me to sit in silence.

[retro_chic]

My T try's to find a good balance which is hard with me because if she asks too many questions I feel intruded upon but if she doesn't engage with me enough I feel emotionally abandoned. I must make things rather difficult for my T . If I don't want to talkT wont pressure me which is good except for the time we sat in silence for around 20 min. That was pretty torturous.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by velcro003

My first T ALWAYS sat in silence at the beginning of every session, and I HATED it. She knew it too, not that she ever changed it. She wasn't completely silent, but she could let silences go on for 5 minutes at a time, and I floundered and never knew what to say. .

My last one did this as well, though not always, and not for that long. Conscious or not, I think it was a power manipulation. Silently observing someone, especially with direct eye contact, is an intimidating move and makes one feel like cowering or shrinking. I wish I'd not played into it. I would usually nervously blurt something out. Should have called her on it and brought her back to earth.

[stopdog]

The first one gets fidgety with silence. She obviously was never in wind ensemble or orchestra.

[ejayy78]

Numbers 1 & 3. I don't talk enough as it is for my therapist to not speak or only rarely speak. I don't do well with silence, and during times I don't know what to say or when I'm feeling stuck/dissociating, I rely on her to say something and get me talking again. Someday I hope to be able to overcome my fear, for lack of a better term, of silence.

Interesting poll. I enjoyed reading other responses.

[Coco3]

I voted 1, 2 and 3. Therapy works best for me when T and I have a conversation. I like the questions my T asks, he helps me figure out stuff. He teaches me things and challenges me. Also he reassures me and gives me compliments.

I could never see a T that just sits and listens. If I needed that, I'd talk to a wall or a stuffed animal.

[Chummy2]

I'm not a great talker, so the T will usually be more chatty than me. I like a T who talks a lot. My other T (who's on leave) wanted to works towards me doing most of the talking. I'm already talking more in therapy than before. How it goes now is working for me. I can say what I want, I can talk how much I want, but the T also talks a lot and gives her feedback. I also like it when a T tells me something unrelated to therapy or something about herself. A little chitchat.

Some years ago I had a group T and she was also my individual T and that woman said so little during therapy. I wasn't the only one who was bothered with that. We wanted more feedback from her. We could have changed her with some random person from the street and it wouldn't have make a difference. It might have even been better.
I want to see that the T has that job for reason. She as a T should be able to give you something more than your friends or family can give you.