Can't do it.

I'm sorry for keep going on about this but I'm having a really hard time with letting go.

I really don't think I can do the last session but I know I need to.
My heart is aching at the thought of going. I'm falling apart just thinking about it.
What if I can't control my emotions in time? I am going to break down completely on the day I know it.
I'm terrified I won't get over the grief.
I wish I never started therapy.
I wish my T wasn't so nice so then I could leave easily.


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Hugs to you. Can you see what you would regret more, going or not going? Try to do what would leave you no regrets. It doesn't matter if you break down. Talk about it here as much as you want. Sorry it is so hard, it really is.

I'm sorry I don't know you're particular situation. Have you cut down session frequency first, to wean yourself? I can't imagine how hard this would be so I envision myself with less frequent visits toward the end

1. You can go on about this as long as you need to if it helps you! That's part of what this forum is for.
2. You state you know you need to go to the last session. That means you really can do it so don't think you can't. Remember FEAR is a liar. Don't let the liar rule you.
3. So what if you can't control your emotions and do break down completely? It's with your nice, perfectly safe therapist. Letting it all out with someone you care for and value (and vice versa) is often the best way to release some of the grief you are feeling. You might find it healing.

It sounds like the two of you have had such a good relationship. There is enormous power in closure so I hope you can go to the last session and just let yourself do what you need to do without worry or judging yourself. Sending you hugs, should you want them.

My last session is next week before I move so I totally understand what it's like. I'm pretty sure I'll be tearing up in the waiting area before the session and I've never shed one tear in front of my T.

I hope you have a meaningful last session and can hold the memories with you forever. I know it doesn't feel like it but someday these intense feelings of loss and grief will fade. (I just started tearing up about leaving my T and realized that I need to tell myself those words too)

(((itjustis)))

I know it's hard, but I'll think you'll regret it if you don't go. Don't worry about breaking down, you're safe with your T.

I agree with AllHeart that there's enormous power in closure. I'm very grateful for having had such a beautiful goodbye from my T. It made it easier to cope with the grief, it really did.

Thank you everyone for all your kind words. I will go to my appt.
It's going to be such a hard goodbye and I think I'll be here a lot over the summer! I feel like our relationship is breaking down due to the lack of communication on her part so I need to go to remedy that because I don't want to lose the closeness that we have.
I have the (very long) email ready to send. I found writing everything out quite cathartic so hopefully that will help with the process that Im going through.

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No we didn't do that. She offered it but I just couldn't do it. A part of me wishes I had now!

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I really need the closure on this because I don't think I'd recover from it if I didn't get it. I'm glad you had a nice goodbye with your T, it gives me hope.

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It's such a horrible thing to go through isn't it. I wish you a lovely goodbye with your T and hope you can ease the grief some way.

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Thank you so much. I really needed to hear/see! these kind, logical words.

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I would regret it more by not going, so I'm going to be brave and go to the appt. as hard as it's going to be. I might ask for the last appt of the day so I don't have to worry about running over...T would be patient and let me stay a little longer if I need to.

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I'm glad you decided to go. It's a good idea to ask to schedule you at the end of the day.

Do you have a date set?

Yes it's next Thursday. I'm dreading tomorrow because I know I'll be thinking all day 'this time next week...' I'm going to keep as busy as possible tomorrow.

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I just had my final session about three weeks ago. Ending with my T has been one of the hardest things I have gone through but also very rewarding. I didn't want to go to my final session either. I was scared to face it. I am glad I went. My final session was one of the best sessions I ever had. I felt so loved and cared about and my therapist really expressed her feelings as well. We wrote each other letters and I did get emotional at the end. I was afraid of that but my T reminded me that emotions are ok and its safe to express them with her. She even cried when she read my letter. It was special for us to both feel ok crying and being vulnerable together. It was hard to hug her and have to let go for good instead of just the next session. Having closure and that final session really does help with the grieving process. I am still grieving and it comes in waves. Its not as bad as it was when we first ended. There are good days and bad days but it does get better over time. I miss her and our sessions but it helps me to feel grateful that I had all that time with her and the chance to have closure and a final session.

Its ok to cry about this, a lot even. I have shed many tears and I still do. All of your feelings are ok and you should share them with your T. I am sorry you feel this pain and have to go through this. Its hard but it helps to have support so I am glad you posted on here. Something that helps me is saying to myself "How wonderful that I had something so wonderful and special that makes saying goodbye so hard". I hope you can find peace with this and have a wonderful session even though its a sad time.