Questionable Sharing

Hey All,

I hope you are doing well. I've been seeing a therapist I really like for a few months. It's starting to dawn on me that maybe she is oversharing. I am learning tidbits about her each time and in the mean time I am not talking much or trying to resolve my issues.

Also I am finding myself attracted to her. She has a phD and I think it is really hot even though she is a lot older and may not even be gay....

I'm realizing this may not be a sustainable situation.

I think it's important that clients trust their gut in situations like this. It's flagging up as unhelpful for you and that's important to recognise.
Personally, I would not see a therapist who overshares. I have been harmed by ovetsharing from my first therapist with whom I developed insurmountable transference and it all became very messy and traumatic when it ended. Equally though, I know some have found self-disclosure useful from their therapist so it's not one size fits all. That's why it's so important that you pay attention to your feelings.
It may be worth discussing this with your therapist and seeing if you can work out a way to ensure therapy remains useful. If you still don't find it is helping, it might be time to move on.

The key to self disclosure from your T is that it ought to be relevant and helpful, or else specifically relationship building. For example my T shared her struggle with her son always spilling stuff on himself etc because she was late and I worried it meant something about me. She shared about her trip to the Great Barrier Reef because I keep saltwater fish and we rely connected over it
If you are sitting there thinking "why are you telling me this? What about me?" That's a sign your T is meeting her own needs and not yours . depending on the situation you may directly address it( maybe she thinks shr is being helpful even if she isnt)or you may look for a new T.

I agree with BayBrony. My marriage counselor does a lot of self-disclosure, but it's mostly anecdotes relating to something H and I (or sometimes just I) are dealing with. Like telling of a time he experienced something similar (say, doubts about his parenting skills, dealing with anxiety), making an analogy (like, when he played basketball, he kept thinking if he wasn't making the shots, he was doing x wrong, when really, it was usually y--it made more sense in the context!), stuff like that. Rather than just randomly sharing stuff about his life. I find it helpful because it helps me relate to him and trust him more, like if he's been through similar things. Plus I often think in analogies, so it helps to hear them from him. However, it's definitely contributed to my paternal (and occasional erotic) transference for him...But at the same time, him telling some stories from his life has helped make him into a real husband and father, not some idealized one. Because he talks about mistakes he's made, too.
My T rarely shares stuff from her life, though.

I think it is a bad sign that she is oversharing. The session should be about you and not her. I once saw a therapist who spent over half the session talking about experiences that she had. I would say one word or a sentence and that would trigger some memory for her that she would spend 10-15 minutes sharing. It took me a while to leave her because she was kind and a good person, but I finally had to make myself realize that she wasn't helping me. I was getting nothing out of the sessions. Do you feel like you are making some progress with her?

Therapists shouldn't share anything about their personal lives unless it's relevant to your treatment or if you ask (and they don't think it would hurt to share).

Therapists may disclose something personal only if it's relevant to the client's situation and if they believe the disclosure can benefit the client. The disclosure can be made to illustrate a point, to explain something using specific examples, to show that the therapist can personally relate to some of the client's experiences. In all those cases, the disclosure, I believe, should be as minimal as possible so the T wouldn't get carried away with their story which would shift the focus away from the client. The focus should be on the client at all times.

She may be trying to build trust by revealing a little about herself Otherwise, sessions can be awkward silences, which some therapist do as well but I have found that the better T's will come more than halfway to put you at ease. But if it is making you uncomfortable you have the right to say something

I think that is a valid point. I like the fact that my T will sit in silence with me but is learning when the silence is bad and will do something to help me out with that. She does not self disclose other than with her feelings sometimes to help me figure mine out but maybe your T is trying to fill in and she automatically goes with talking about herself. Could you tell her it is not useful for you, that you have things you want to say. Easier said than done!

Kind of going through the same thing you're describing you went through. I feel like there is a little bit of progress, and I also feel like I had bigger troubles when I first saw her (a few months ago) and now I'm coasting. She talks for a considerable amount of time about herself! I learn more about her hobbies and experiences in psychotherapy jobs each time...