Do you and the therapist agree about what is or is not abuse?

Do you and the therapist agree about what is or is not abuse?

Yes and no. If others treated other people the way I am treated it is abuse I can see that and logically understand it. When it is toward me it isn't abuse and I don't see how it can be classified as such. Still trying to work this out.

He's respectful of my views on it, and wouldn't attempt to argue with me about it.

i feel pretty loyal to my abusers. stockholm syndrome i guess. i dont know. its hard to get me to admit it was abuse. ive learned to accept it in regards to my former T. but my dad is a whole nother story.

Exactly where I am too

My T thinks that my brother abused me but I don't agree. I am willing to admit it was wrong, but not that it fits the definition of abuse. Other people see it as abuse, though.

I ticked 'other' as we've never had the conversation. I know he considers that I was abused, but I don't which aspects he was referring to so I can't argue (or otherwise) against his definition.

The two I see don't even seem to fully agree. The first one is more stuck on the incidents which they have labeled csa and the second one is a bit more insistent that there was parental abuse.
I don't think anyone can label it abuse for anyone else - I don't see any of as abusive for me. I am not certain I would be all that convinced about it if it happened to another.

We always agreed it was abuse. I never doubted that it was abuse, but I also just assumed that abuse was normal. So for me the learning curve was more about how relationships could be different from my experience. But I always felt that what was happening to me was wrong and should be different--I just had no belief that the difference existed, nor what it would look like.

I've had three therapists insist that my most recent marriage was emotionally and verbally abusive. Naturally when No. 1 said this I did not take it seriously, but when No. 2 and No. 3 agreed I had to think about it. It would certainly qualify as abusive viewed objectively or by most people. To me, I am not so sure it was abusive as a poor dynamic and my husband's decline into untreated mental illness.

I put some. At first, I thought csa was a normal part of everyone's life. I now know it's not. But still, for me, I don't think it was big deal. It was never my body anyway. So I think we agree on the definition of abuse, but I don't agree that what happened to me was abuse; it was csa without the a part. We definitely don't agree when it comes to the neglect and emotional abuse she thinks happened. Sometimes I think she overreacts to things. We don't agree on the definition or that it happened to me.

You know, I've never before thought about it being connected, but I'll bet this is a big part of what made me able to trust my T so much so early on. Here was someone who offerred me (despite the utter lack of any existing alternative known to me) validation of the deepest belief I had about my life, when nothing or no one else ever had. The only experience of recognizing my most essential truth. And was kind and patient towards me. No wonder I experienced such a sense of safety and hope! Of course, he was a good T and didn't squander such a connection.

I picked other because, like others, we agree on the detention of abuse, but I'm unsure it's applicable to me (though there are times I will label it as such, there are other times I disagree). T keeps stay that it was abuse, and that i'm not making it up. I'm not always sure.

I think it is fairly typical for adults who were abused as children to not view their history as 'abusive' especially if the acts in question were
perpetrated by primary caregivers.
Form a legal viewpoint what does or does not constitute 'abuse' is (most of the time) fairly cut and dried. From an emotional standpoint it is often an entirely different ballgame.
I think the word 'abuse' is often fairly loaded in itself. If an action against your person is labelled as 'abusive' then that can cast one in the role of 'survivor of abuse'. Some people don't want that role applied to them, and others may be accepting of it. How a person feels about that may influence the labelling they want to apply to an action or event.

It was never discussed. The abuse was going on during therapy but I did not realize it until it was too late for me.

The definitions may be cut and dried but, from a legal viewpoint, whether any situation/set of facts is abusive pursuant to that definition is not cut and dried for the most part.
When I was a public defender, I argued that things were not abuse all the time and did not always lose.

It's not really come up . I don't expect our views re: physical or sexual abide would differ especially as we are both medically trained. Just come a similar mindset.

I guess emotional abuse is always the murky one...there isn't always a clear yes or no. I guess I'll find out how closely we align there at my next appointment, which is my lady appointment. I always meant to "get around" to discussing my complex history with
My sister . At the end off the day I feel she emotionally abused me for years. I guess kind of a heavy topic to save for last session, but I think just acknowledging to truth of our history without endless defense of my sister would be what I need for closure

I haven't voted on the poll yet. I guess I'm hoping that what I write here will help me know how to answer.

I have always been very logical and concrete in my thought process in regard to right and wrong. Intellectually, I have an understanding, for me, about what I would consider to be abuse. However, I am only able to be rational and logical as it pertains to someone else. When it comes to me and my experiences, I struggle. Actually, that may not be true. I know in my heart that I have been abused. I can recognize when someone does something inappropriate or hurtful toward me. It's my reaction and the way I think about myself that causes me to question it over time.

My therapist and I do not argue over whether I experienced trauma or abuse. She knows, as I do, that I was neglected and abused. Nor does she argue with me about how I feel about my abusers. As someone else mentioned, I, too, defend those that have harmed me. I make excuses, I rationalize their behavior, and I am quick to blame myself. In moments of clarity, such as now, I can see that the way I am reacting is consistent with someone who has experienced chronic and systematic abuse. But, in the moment, I can't accept that as being true. My T respects my process and she works with me to challenge my beliefs, but she does not argue with me over them.

I think everyone identifies abuse and trauma differently. For some, an experience may have been viewed as discipline. For another, that same experience may have been seen as abuse. I can't speak for others, but I know I have core beliefs and values that help me know, for myself, what is okay and what simply isn't. And, I accept that my views may be different from someone else's. I don't question my ability to know the difference between right and wrong, but I often can't be rational or logical when it comes to myself. Therein lies my issue and why I don't know how to truly vote on this poll...

I completely agree with you. Where are is where I find myself too. My last session, we walked through a particular incident. It wounded me and shattered my sense of safety and trust. It was abuse. That I know with my mind, but my heart and emotions can't come to terms with it.

Thank you so much for posting your reply. It gave words to the feelings I didn't have words for. ((( hug )))

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This exactly is how I feel too. I can logically see it as a use when it's towards others, but not when it's towards me. It's something that we've been working on.