Intense dislike to shame

I go thru periods where i dislike my T. As to he doesnt care...hes useless...his past comments...every lil thing that annoyed me about him to date. I tell myself...after next session i ll quit. Enough is enough. After 4 days or so...i think to myself..his schedule is fully booked. He has many proffessionals coming to see him...i m lucky to see him. I shouldnt complain. Anything wrong is with me. My behaviour...not him he has a right to b annoyed by me.

Plz tell me its normal !!!

It is normal to question things and look at multiple perspectives. I do the same thing.

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Yeah, this happens to me on a near weekly basis (my sessions are weekly).

I go through periods where I am convinced T is a complete moron (no offense to morons) and cannot be trusted to deal with even the most basic stuff. I then tend to say so directly or indirectly (my passive-aggressiveness flag flies high). And, I also try to quit or cut back on sessions or basically make my displeasure known in multiple ways.

Her response (or usually non-response) to these things does nothing but infuriate me further.

Then, at some utterly random and totally unexpected moment, she says a thing or two that leaves me feeling gob-smacked and like my mind is blown in terms of such sheer perspicacity. And, then I am back to thinking how lucky I am that I ended up with her (in a sea of what really look like rather dismal choices).

This feeling of course doesn't last very long and the cycle repeats itself. Ad nauseum.

Doesn't help that it's precisely when I'm feeling really angry, irritated and like I want to rip her apart and tell her exactly how useless she is, that she insists on knowing how I feel about the "relationship" and what's happening right there "in the room" (gawd, I hate that phrase). I can barely restrain myself from lashing out that there's really not much for me to feel about her except that I'm stuck with an incompetent nincompoop who is clearly incapable of helping me with even the most basic of things and so, obviously, I have to do everything myself while also managing her absolute idiocy (martyrdom is in my DNA).

So yeah, in case it's not obvious, I have.......issues.

All of that is to not say that you may have legitimate issues with your T that are worth paying attention to. And, even if it's not something you feel is "legitimate", I have found it helpful to just say what I'm thinking to her (even the awful stuff) -- her response (or usually, the lack of it) isn't really the point (sometimes it just makes things worse when I'm in the midst of my rage / fury).

But, saying it helps to get it off my chest and feels good -- note though that I'm not remotely abusive or anything like that and I'd never use the sort of language I've used here.

I'm like this. I push-pull in relationships often. With T I have cancelled and rescheduled at the last minute, often. I have attachment issues so none of this is surprising. I feel particularly upset with T after I've let myself be vulnerable and he hasn't responded the way I wanted. I think it's worth talking about this with your T. I'm considering bringing it up with mine as well