[AnxiousGirl]

Hey all, it's been a while but once again I need to turn to you all for advice. I see my T once a week (been 2 years) and last week we sort of stopped looking at my phobias and started diving deeper into other issues that require me to talk about my feelings, which I NEVER DO with anyone. So today I just got back from my session maybe an hour or so ago and Ive been thinking about some things...

1 - I feel so bad and disgusted about myself for opening up this much and I feel sick to my stomach knowing that my T knows these things/thoughts I have about myself and sadly it cant be undone. Now I dont know if I should tell my T this (she told me to email her if anything came up)

2 - I dont know if I want to keep going every week after today. Like honestly, therapy is getting harder week after week. And after today especially and even knowing whats to come (like the exposure therapy) I just feel like I should stop because I know that it's good that my T knows about some stuff but I feel so sick knowing she does.

Sorry if this is all jumbled up because I can't really form my thoughts right now for some reason.

Any input would be appreciated.

[Waterbear]

Sorry you are finding it tough, it is tough. I don't know but I would email, especially seeing as she said to email if stuff came up. Can you know whether she will reply or not?

I think I see therapy as tidying up (a proper sort out and drclutter), my way anyway. When I tidy up I make a right mess first. If anyone saw my process I am sure they would think I was crazy. Stuff gets everywhere. The house looks even worse than it did before. Even the tidy rooms end up a mess. This is what therapy is proving to be like for me, I guess I am just hoping I have the courage and tenacity to see it through to when it is actually liveable.

Don't know if it helped but I hope so. Look after yourself.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Waterbear

Sorry you are finding it tough, it is tough. I don't know but I would email, especially seeing as she said to email if stuff came up. Can you know whether she will reply or not?

I think I see therapy as tidying up (a proper sort out and drclutter), my way anyway. When I tidy up I make a right mess first. If anyone saw my process I am sure they would think I was crazy. Stuff gets everywhere. The house looks even worse than it did before. Even the tidy rooms end up a mess. This is what therapy is proving to be like for me, I guess I am just hoping I have the courage and tenacity to see it through to when it is actually liveable.

Don't know if it helped but I hope so. Look after yourself.

I can see if she replies or not. She usually does with like 2 days. It's just that I don't want to be a bother or look clingy or dependent on her so much. I'm basically stuck.

[kecanoe]

It sounds like your t is expecting things to come up since she told you to email. Can you look at it as you are taking her at her word?

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

It sounds like your t is expecting things to come up since she told you to email. Can you look at it as you are taking her at her word?

I actually never thought about that. But it makes sense for her to say that especially after the session we had today. The thing is, my T likes to dig deep and ask why a lot. So if I say I dont like it if you know about these things then shell say why, to which the only reply I have is I am ashamed/feel weak having these feelings. I hold in so many emotions in therapy that today as soon as I heard my T say something nice I nearly burst into tears but I held it back.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Hey all, it's been a while but once again I need to turn to you all for advice. I see my T once a week (been 2 years) and last week we sort of stopped looking at my phobias and started diving deeper into other issues that require me to talk about my feelings, which I NEVER DO with anyone. So today I just got back from my session maybe an hour or so ago and Ive been thinking about some things...

1 - I feel so bad and disgusted about myself for opening up this much and I feel sick to my stomach knowing that my T knows these things/thoughts I have about myself and sadly it cant be undone. Now I dont know if I should tell my T this (she told me to email her if anything came up)

2 - I dont know if I want to keep going every week after today. Like honestly, therapy is getting harder week after week. And after today especially and even knowing whats to come (like the exposure therapy) I just feel like I should stop because I know that it's good that my T knows about some stuff but I feel so sick knowing she does.

Sorry if this is all jumbled up because I can't really form my thoughts right now for some reason.

Any input would be appreciated.

1. I would definitely e-mail her. She seems really open to you e-mailing, since I know you've mentioned a few times that she said to do that.

2. I've found sometimes it seems like therapy seems to get harder/more painful before it gets better. Like you have to get through those scary/painful weeks to have breakthroughs, and those will make you stronger for the future. I know that's much easier to say than to do, but I've been through it, so I understand...I've thought about giving up before or not talking about certain topics, but doing it has helped. And I think I'm much stronger now than I was even a year ago (still have issues of course!)

Also, maybe you need to delve into those emotional issues before you are able to tackle your phobias. Like maybe your phobias are rooted in those issues, so dealing with/processing those will make it easier to deal with the phobias later.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

1. I would definitely e-mail her. She seems really open to you e-mailing, since I know you've mentioned a few times that she said to do that.

2. I've found sometimes it seems like therapy seems to get harder/more painful before it gets better. Like you have to get through those scary/painful weeks to have breakthroughs, and those will make you stronger for the future. I know that's much easier to say than to do, but I've been through it, so I understand...I've thought about giving up before or not talking about certain topics, but doing it has helped. And I think I'm much stronger now than I was even a year ago (still have issues of course!)

Also, maybe you need to delve into those emotional issues before you are able to tackle your phobias. Like maybe your phobias are rooted in those issues, so dealing with/processing those will make it easier to deal with the phobias later.

She is very open to emailing the problem stems from me feeling like I am a bother or something. I know what you mean about it getting harder before it gets better and that's why I think I shouldnt take the break because then I'm just prolonging the worry and everything. I guess I'll think about the email until next session and see how it goes. Thanks!

[bookgirl667]

Therapy is damn hard work. I spend some sessions laughing and bantering, then the next session I'll be sobbing and going through the emotional wringer. My therapist doesn't let me off the hook when it's time to dig deep or, as I say, "be real," instead of using defenses or avoidance.

It's part of the process. This maddening, intense, valuable process. What you're feeling is perfectly normal.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by bookgirl667

Therapy is damn hard work. I spend some sessions laughing and bantering, then the next session I'll be sobbing and going through the emotional wringer. My therapist doesn't let me off the hook when it's time to dig deep or, as I say, "be real," instead of using defenses or avoidance.

It's part of the process. This maddening, intense, valuable process. What you're feeling is perfectly normal.

I know I should have expected this but I have thoughts of quitting and just stopping which seem to win over the rational part. I dont know how to even bring this up to my therapist because Im actually so shy and can barely talk about how I feel without getting nervous.