Has a therapist ever said anything that you did not already know?

I guess also attitudes of the T and the client matter?

My earlier T -- who I vaguely considered batshit crazy back when I was seeing her and now, I mostly view her as benignly idiotic -- was in her 70s while I was in my 20s. Lots of interesting life experience as well. Except well, I thought she was a total idiot -- we spent most of our sessions (over a few months) with her trying to convince me that monogamy is a bad idea and my ex-girlfriend's insistence on an open relationship was the right way to go, except that when I dumped the girlfriend, she turned around immediately and said "Oh thank heavens, finally". Shortly thereafter, I dumped her as well (mostly just for what I considered harmful duplicity).

Ended up viewing a couple of other Ts I saw (for a couple of group or individual sessions) at my university -- some that were significantly (15+ years) older and all Ph.Ds and moderately to rather high up on the ladder -- as utter idiots or just tone-deaf (and therefore idiotic) as well. Have similarly crazy examples of stuff they said.

Current T is just about 5-6 years older -- I don't think she's idiotic but I do believe that she just 'phones it in' a lot of the time. As in, she just doesn't bother putting in the effort to really say something non-banal, because well, why bother? I could of course find someone else but my experience of trying to talk to a few (over the phone / email) left me feeling like it's all abysmally slim pickings.

For me .. I was thinking about this,, a therapist saying something I don't already know depends on my own openness to them.. some I was pretty closed off to. like immediately defensive.. because of their age, style, etc.. I am super open like almost hungry.. with this therapist.. like I look for those aha things and I get them.. I almost feel I hang on to everything he says too much.. but he does give really good stuff to think about and process,

so thank you awkwardly yours you made me think about this.. that is so true what you said.

Not that I can think of..

Aww, sorry about your T experiences, Awkwardly! I think you have really good points about the attitudes of the T and client--and the general flavor of the relationship.

I feel I learn a lot from my T because we probably have something closer to a instructor/student or mentor/mentee dynamic than others do in their therapy. I go actively seeking to learn things (as opposed to wanting primarily validation, or a sounding-board, or support, or any of the many legitimate things people seek in a T).

And as for 'wily' T's...I mean, I would imagine there's some reason my T is amenable to spending so much time telling me about tires and eggs and beavers where other T's might prefer to stay 'on topic.' Maybe it flatters him to show that he knows things. Maybe he secretly feels 'fatherly' toward me (gross!) Maybe this is his way of 'phoning in' because it's the last appointment of the day and, yeah, he could do hard work and dig and ask me what I'm avoiding and how's that complex trauma going for you, anyway?

...or he could just, you know, explain the basics of a DIY oil-change.

Anyway, I agree there's probably lots of reasons some people--but not others--feel the therapist tells them things they did not already know.

I am sure for most people when you first start therapy the therapist has said stuff you didn't know unless you studied quite a bit of psychology. For one they have their own lingo such as boundaries, containment, mindfulness, schemas, etc. I have never heard of anything like this when I started and i took psychology classes in college. Maybe today in psychology classes it is different and they teach you this but back then i was clueless.

My answer? Presents things in new ways.

While my Psychiatrist and Therapist do say things that are new, they are mostly pulling things out old things in ways that have never occured to me.

For example it is obvious to feel hurt and shame over trauma and past wrongs, bu my therapist pointed out that feeling a lack of acknowledgement is what I am dealing with on as big if not bigger scale. That this resentment at being wronged is what tends to drive me. This wasn't new but I had bever before looked at it this way.

You are right about teminology too causing me to look at things differently.

The ones I have hired have never used terms like that. I read them in books or heard them in the classes I took, but not from the therapists themselves.

all of the time! i have learned so many things from her.

No. 3 is the only one I have seen that has used the words boundaries and ruptures. The other two did not seem to use common therapist words.

It's amazing how much can depend on the whim of the professional.

It seems a very arbitrary and capricious profession, that is for sure. Or they, in their wiliness and lack of being forth right and clear, simply mess with clients. If a client wants to know what is going on-keep it from them. I believe the woman must have some knowledge I don't have - she just refuses to share it.

Yes, tells me a lot about the relationship between the body, brain and depression and a lot of terms for things. He will talk in technical terms and then sometimes explain with an analogy if I don't quite grasp it. It's nice not to be treated as dumb. I've learnt so much. I love my psychologist too, she will say the same things but in a different way and in everyday language.

Yep. My tdoc has a brilliant intellect and I learn something about psychology in general and/or myself in almost every session.

I keep asking my therapist about techniques and theories she seems to use, but she insists that she does not follow theories and encourages me not to read up on them. I offered that maybe she has just integrated theories over time and doesn't think about them specifically, but she even refused that. I don't know how I am supposed to feel okay without knowing where she's coming from or what she's doing. I will say that she is explaining things a little more clearly if I can ask as soon as something she says or does points to a tactic or theory.

I don't understand the need for mystery in this effort. I would like, for once, to be told what's not being said. That would be new.

Gads, I would find that disturbing as well. Before I started seeing my therapist I read one book he had written, and since then I have read the book he has written for therapists doing his style of therapy. I know what he's up to, but he is extremely transparent and is always explaining things to me.

I really appreciate how he doesn't try to get anything over on me, or even presume to more than I do about things that are personal to me.

As to the original question, I can't recall if he's ever said things to me I didn't already know- I imagine he must have, as people tell me stuff I don't know all the time. But that's not the focus of work together- we work together by creating this space for me to grieve or to think things through or whatever. He is very much my companion in this - he doesn't pretend to be an expert on my life. (He is very much an expert in his own domain, as he trains therapists on his style of therapy, but that's a different realm from our work together.)

It's weird because the therapist I saw before this one had written a book but I didn't want to read it. I wanted to understand what she was doing as we interacted, and she did explain quite a few things--nothing revolutionary--but she also held things back that I only realized months after she terminated (moved out of state). So there does seem to be a need for them to keep things to themselves. It's crazymaking for those who've grown up in a household with secrets and and threats that had to be puzzled out.

I think I should have asked if the therapist had ever had an "insight" or "intervention" (their language is so biased in favor of them) that was new.

It is why I see two of them and consult with others as well as read their textbooks. The first one could only stop me from learning stuff from her - she could not keep the knowledge about what those people do from me.

I do a lot of research on my own so there's not a lot of stuff my T could tell me about depression, bipolar, etc. that I didn't already know. But she reframes my thinking in new ways so I guess that is teaching me something I didn't already know!