[silverleaf]

I've not posted on here in such a long time - last time I posted I was going through a major depressive episode, and had really only started seeing my T and going through that 'therapeutic journey'. Things got better. Then a lot better, I was working through things and feeling like I was making progress.

Then the last couple of months - I moved house (2 hours away) Started a new job. Hated new job. Quit new job. Was a bridesmaid. Moved back to my parents house again (where I was living before the new job). All within literally the last 2 months. So I kind of feel like I'm coming off the rails a bit.

I wasn't really worried until this weekend, cos I kind of thought - there's been so much going on, it wasn't surprising that I was finding it tough.

But then the last few days my thoughts have kind of gone south a bit. Starting to really doubt myself.. worry about what I'm going to do with myself the next 20/30/40 years.. eating habits have gone very awry and I'm starting to get really paranoid about how much I eat/what I eat etc. Finding the dark thoughts coming in again.

So normally I would just go to my T about this stuff... but he's not available at the moment due to a family crisis. I can usually just drop him an email but I can't even do that at the moment, so I feel a bit bereft and cut off (hence me posting here I guess). It's just all starting to spiral a little bit and it's really worrying me. Not sure what to do until my T gets back.

I don't really have any idea what to do with myself. I am really lucky that I can go back to my old job, but I'm really nervous about going back (I didn't burn any bridges but still it's nerve wracking, I left to go and do something really new and exciting and I feel like I'm trailing back with my tail between my legs..)

I'm facing some massive issues to do with me/my body/relationships/sexuality/my purpose in life.. kind of everything and I'm just not sure how to cope with it all. As I say normally I'd be straight onto my T but as that's not an option I feel really limited with how to deal with it. Kind of hoping 'getting it out' on here will help a little bit!

[kecanoe]

I hope it does help. I've been steadily improving for the last few months and then life events came and I have having difficulty again. It's discouraging. And I get what you are saying about going back to your old job. A mixed blessing for sure

I wish you the best. We each have a path to take and only we can do it for ourselves, others cannot do for us. It can be daunting, intimidating but exhilirating at the same time.
Hang in there, it will get better.. .blessings

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs...hopefully you'll be able to talk to your T soon...