[Jessica Hazlitt]

In the next couple of weeks my T and I are having to have a break for at least 6 months. We are treating it like it's an ending just in case something happens and I can't return. My T and I spent today trying to figure out how to spend our last two sessions and, quite honestly, I haven't got a clue.

I was wanting to know how other people have spent the 'winding down' time with Ts before finishing therapy?

Any general tips / advice about endings and breaks would also be greatly appreciated.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Write down what you want to say. Leave nothing left unsaid. Cherish your time with them. Ask any questions you want. Try not to bring up anything new that you can't settle or finish. It will hurt for while but will get better. All of your emotions are ok and its normal to have a wide range of them. I still feel sad and grateful at the same time. Good luck!

[LonesomeTonight]

No advice, just sending big hugs...I know how attached you are to your T...

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Thanks guys, it's difficult. On the one hand I know that all being well it's just temporary, and I'm going to be preoccupied with baby so the time will piss quickly, but I do worry that something may happen meaning I can't go back (like him retiring or the charity closing etc). We have spent quite a lot of the last few sessions holding hands, he took mine for the first time ever as well. He has also said if I find myself in desperate need then I am allowed to get in touch for am emergency session, and we are going to arrange a meet and greet baby session for him later on.

We only have two sessions left. He wants to wrap things up for a sense of closure which I understand and would love. However I think if we go back over our two and a bit years worth of work, all the loose ends (things we planned to return to, or approach from a different angle) are going to come up. Personally I'd rather just spend or last two hours making a point of remembering how it feels to work and be together, maybe talk about what we're going to miss. That way my needs that he somehow fulfils may surface for me (and maybe him) to mediate on during the break.

I suppose the fact I am willing and indeed preferring to hold onto the 'it's just a break'thing shows I finally trust him to be there for me.....the less trusting parts of me however are gearing up for some serious hurt.

Urgh this is so difficult.

[ratio16180]

I'd go over the things you've learned and how to deal with upsetting situations without your T. Also discuss if you are allowed to make check-in sessions or sessions dealing with significant life events, i.e. death in family, breakup, etc.

[divine1966]

Are you having a baby? Congrats ( If I read it right)

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[Jessica Hazlitt]

Yes I am, which is weird. One of the big things we shared only a couple of months into therapy was the pain of being told I could have children (or at least not without significant medical intervention). Then a year and a half ago I had a MC before even knowing I was pregnant. Suffice to say when I found out I was pregnant this time I was terrified the same thing would happen, but having gone through everything else with T, it really helped reduce the anxiety (which was good for baby as well). T is looking forward to meeting her seeings though she's been interrupting sessions for the last couple of months kicking the cr*p out of me :-P

[divine1966]

That's awesome! The reason I was surprised is that you said in the past awhile ago that you have a physical disability that prevents you from having sex specifically "the entrance", I thought you were maybe adopting.

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[Jessica Hazlitt]

You guys have great memories! Yes, I actually still have that problem, and several other fertility killing ailments. I think after 10 years of, well, not trying, but not not trying, my body finally decided to give me a break. I also like to think that two and a half years of therapy gave us a fighting chance in terms of removing emotional stressors etc.

Additionally any of you having "the talk" with your kids can now honestly say you know someone who got pregnant without having pen-sex.

[divine1966]

Oh yeah people can get pregnant other ways such as in vitro etc lesbian couples have children without heterosexual sex.

Regardless how it happened it's a blessing to have a child. Best wishes

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[Coco3]

Congrats on your baby!

As for the winding down time and last session, I think you should do what you want to do. If you feel that wrapping up brings all sorts of loose ends to the surface which gives you the opposite of closure, then tell your T.

In the sessions before my last session, I asked T lots and lots of questions. There was so much I wanted to know about him. I stopped doing that in the last session itself, because I knew any question would lead to more questions and I needed to have closure sometime.

We talked about how the parting made me feel. We looked back on my therapy process, we both wrote it down and read it out loud to each other. One of my favorite moments, it was very intense and beautiful. We also talked about how it would be without T and what to do with upsetting situations. He said I could always call him if I needed help. Also I told him everything I wanted to say, and finally asked for a hug. Make sure there are no regrets.

And just enjoy being with your T. Be in the moment.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Yeah, I've decided he's getting hugged whether he likes it or not
I always use written notes in session to overcome getting tongue tied so I'm in the process of articulating how I'm feeling about the end.

One thing that keeps coming up as a concern for the break is of knowing how he is. I mean, I know how I'm doing, and he knows that so log as he doesn't hear from me I'm doing okay, but I have no way of knowing if he's all right.

Is that weird? I can't tell if it sounds sort of clingy or possessive?

[Ellahmae]

I don't think it's weird. You two have a close relationship, why wouldn't you want to know if he's okay?

[Jessica Hazlitt]

So yesterday was out last session. It was lovely. He made me tea and we just chatted. Mostly about what was coming, and a bit about this being sort of an ending that's not an ending. We held hands and kinda cuddled for the last few minutes. It was a lovely warm way to leave things. Something to hold on to if for some reason it is the end. He even gave me a wee parting gift. Not opened it yet, want to wait until I'm settled in my new home (I think its a book). He also asked again to meet baby so we will probably do that pre-Christmas holidays. I'll also get to check he is okay I decided to keep a list in the back of my journal of things I wished I had asked or said, hopefully that will stop them getting under my skin. Also could make an interesting post break session of just getting them all out at once.
Putting the therapy adventure on hold now in exchange for the parental one, she's less than two weeks away now

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Jessica Hazlitt

So yesterday was out last session. It was lovely. He made me tea and we just chatted. Mostly about what was coming, and a bit about this being sort of an ending that's not an ending. We held hands and kinda cuddled for the last few minutes. It was a lovely warm way to leave things. Something to hold on to if for some reason it is the end. He even gave me a wee parting gift. Not opened it yet, want to wait until I'm settled in my new home (I think its a book). He also asked again to meet baby so we will probably do that pre-Christmas holidays. I'll also get to check he is okay I decided to keep a list in the back of my journal of things I wished I had asked or said, hopefully that will stop them getting under my skin. Also could make an interesting post break session of just getting them all out at once.
Putting the therapy adventure on hold now in exchange for the parental one, she's less than two weeks away now

Sounds like a good last (for now) session. That's good that you've already talked about meeting again. Best of luck with the birth! Parenthood is definitely an adventure

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