[Tangerine87]

I think I'm doing better in therapy but not in life, very depressed. I am talking a little more about non existing/ fake / minor trauma, although while dissociated. I say a lot more and for the first time in 5 years of seeing him, I didn't feel abandoned when he went on vacation, although I did feel some sort of loss but deep inside I knew he would be back. I think he recognizes this because for the first time he disclosed something personal about himself (very minor but I really really appreciated it).

I'm progressing but deeply depressed. Given up on life. Lost all my friends. Living for my family basically, except for the fact that I have a bad gallbladder and I'm not treating so that I do die of a natural cause. At least that way it will be in gods hands. I have kept this secret from T. Not sure if he would hospitalize me if he knew this because it is self destruction with an intention.

My meds are not working because I have an existential depression.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Tangerine87: I'm sorry you so depressed. The Skeezyks has pretty-much made the decision not to pursue most medical treatment. I have been getting minor things taken care of... things that are mostly just a nuisance & not life-threatening. But I don't plan to seek treatment for anything major. I'm no longer on psych med's. And I don't see a therapist.

I guess it is true that a person can become quite skilled at being in therapy & yet be going downhill in real life. From what you wrote, it sounds as though this is where you're at. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you might find deep peace within...

[CantExplain]

I think it is pretty normal for things to get better in therapy first and in the wider world afterwards.
Good luck!