[thesnowqueen]

Many years ago - when I had just recently been diagnosed with severe/psychotic depression - I had this therapist who would keep encouraging me to make eye contact. This was really difficult at the time - and when I am very emotional it's still difficult. However, since therapy was not going very far with that therapist I eventually switched to someone else. The new T NEVER made this demand; in fact he never brought the topic up at all. It was such a huge relief not to have to deal with the stress of eye contact too! Anyway, I was wondering what the deal with that was!

[itjustis]

During emotionally intense sessions I couldn't look my T in the eye either. I'm not sure what the deal is but you're not alone!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[stopdog]

Here is a take on it from one of those guys (I think he is a jerk - but some people really like him)
2 Parts:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...therapy-part-i
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...herapy-part-ii

I rarely look at either of the ones I see unless I am angry at them. I have not eye contact problems in real life. In therapy they try to convey stuff at you and I find I do better if I just don't let them. I don't want their oxytocin bonding attempts done at me.

[justdesserts]

When I get really stressed or upset, I close my eyes tightly. When I am discussing trauma, my eyes are always closed. My therapist says I am one of the only people he's worked with to react this way, but that it's not surprising given my history. I'm glad he doesn't pressure me.

When my attachment issues are in the foreground (as they are presently) I experience eye contact as spellbinding, and something I could get absolutely lost in. At other times eye contact with him is natural and conversational as it would be with someone else. So I know how I react to eye contact has a lot to do with my issues in therapy at the time, and my reactions become part of the therapeutic conversation.

[therapyishelping777]

I have a hard time making eye contact too alot.. it is hard!! I sometimes feel unworthy of being seen, so that is partly it.

[Ididitmyway]

Oh gosh! I would hate it if someone tried to force an eye contact on me! I've come from the culture where eye contact during a conversation is made to intimidate or to express a sexual attraction. There it is neither normal nor appropriate to stare in the eyes of the person you are talking to. It is certainly NOT perceived as a sign of healthy communication but rather as a sign of rudeness.

I am not saying this is right or wrong, it is what it is. And it is what it is here in the American culture.

So, to me eye contact is neither a sign of mental health nor is it a sign of its absence, it is just a cultural preference. Therefore, I resent any kind of judgment about that and I certainly resent forcing those judgments on people. And I would absolutely hate if a therapist tried to force their views about it on me!

[thesnowqueen]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Here is a take on it from one of those guys (I think he is a jerk - but some people really like him)
2 Parts:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...therapy-part-i
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...herapy-part-ii

.

Interesting that all the reasons he produces are problematic or pathological. And then somewhere a rant about modern people looking at screens instead of at each other! blah blah blah...

Really, I think when one talks about things which one would never - under ordinary circumstances - share with another, and especially when the content is charged with pain, shame or anxiety, eye contact is (or can be for many) inordinately stressful. Its difficult to see how experienced, qualified therapists would not grasp that.

[thesnowqueen]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Oh gosh! I would hate it if someone tried to force an eye contact on me! I've come from the culture where eye contact during a conversation is made to intimidate or to express a sexual attraction. There it is neither normal nor appropriate to stare in the eyes of the person you are talking to. It is certainly NOT perceived as a sign of healthy communication but rather as a sign of rudeness.

I am not saying this is right or wrong, it is what it is. And it is what it is here in the American culture.

So, to me eye contact is neither a sign of mental health nor is it a sign of its absence, it is just a cultural preference. Therefore, I resent any kind of judgment about that and I certainly resent forcing those judgments on people. And I would absolutely hate if a therapist tried to force their views about it on me!

Yes, the same person suggested that I was on the autism spectrum!

[coolibrarian]

I usually have little difficulty maintaining eye contact with my T. BUT, if I am feeling shame/embarassment, my eyes often look away from her. Sometimes I force myself to make eye contact at those times, because it somehow reinforces my connection to her.

[Bipolar Warrior]

During casual conversation I normally have no problems maintaining eye contact with my therapists, but I find it very difficult to look at them when I become emotional or I am talking about a difficult subject.

I usually look down, either at my own feet or hers.

[BrazenApogee]

I have a hard time. eye contact was forced by my abuser when I was little. I hated having to see. My current T likes to use the couch which I haven't laid down on cause it's a fragile antique I'm afraid to break. He suggested I "look away" while I talk. That's just as bad. I feel unworthy, wrong, and shameful for not being able to look at him. We have talked about it some, and he says I can look if I want to, but now I'm afraid either way. I wish he would have just left me alone.