[stopdog]

We have stories of therapists not knowing when they have hurt a client or when a client is dissociated and so on - so I thought I would see if one generally believes the the therapist can read their responses.

[tradika]

Not sure this is a fair poll because some people are better at reading cues than others. Some probably see it very textbook, and they wouldn't be very good therapists.

[songofthesea]

Very well - he manages to notice some unconscious motivations that I don't notice myself. However, he occasionally prioritises things that I don't feel need to necessarily be prioritised, and certain things stick in his mind which I forget easily / write off.
It's potentially a little condescending that he manages to put a positive spin on traits that I deem quite negative but aside from that he's solid.

My therapists were always very attuned to what was going on with me.

[stopdog]

I was not trying for an objectively fair poll. I am asking for people's opinions about their own therapist.

[Argonautomobile]

It's hit or miss. I wouldn't say he knows, understands, or "gets" me better than people in general, but he does try. He listens well when I explain myself, which I appreciate.

[stopdog]

The first one I see is deaf, blind, and wrapped. The problem I have with that is that she thinks she knows me and is always expressing surprise when I tell her she is very wrong and why.

The second is not good at it but will listen.

[ThisWayOut]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no... depends on how "on" the t is. Current t is better at it done days than others, but I'm better at hiding thing some days than others.

[CPT_Fury]

I think that she can sometimes, and other times I think I am just a blank state and keep everything in and she has no clue. That is on me though.

[Nammu]

I'm more congruent now than I was 25 yrs ago when I started this journey so it's pretty easy to read me.

[awkwardlyyours]

It's a real sore point for me right now. So, I'll go with "It is like the therapist is deaf and blind and wrapped in cotton wool no matter what I do".

However, lately I've noticed that she's taken to parroting back to me whatever I say about myself -- E.g. I'll say "I find X difficult but not Y" and 2 sessions later, she'll say "You find X difficult but not Y". I suppose I should be grateful that she remembers and cares to parrot it back but yeah....

[BayBrony]

Nearly always reads me well. But occasionally really flubs things

[stopdog]

The second one has said she finds me hard to read. Which surprises me because I am actually quite direct.
The first is like one of the kindergartners who holds the book upside down but insists she is reading every word correctly. And then gets snarky when I tell her she does not know me well at all. After she has said things like "I did not know you meditated" - well, there is no reason for you to know in general and there are any number of things I do that you don't know about, but I actually have told you several times about meditating.

[atisketatasket]

Not at all, but I have been told by various people in my life that my affect is very hard to read.

But I'm pretty good at poker.

I voted very well. She freaked me out a little one time when I thought something at her as hard as I could prior to a phone session (I thought at her to please bring something up because I didn't know how) and then she actually DID. She said she heard my psyche.

[therapyishelping777]

I wear my feelings on my sleeve and its easy to read when I'm anxious, Alot of people can read me, but yes, my T for sure..

[awkwardlyyours]

I don't know -- I am actually really curious about the experiences of those who've said that their T reads them well and wonder if it takes a certain personality (of T and / or client) to have that happen.

I had a knock-down drag-out super painful conversation in last week's session about this and it'll likely continue this week (and in the meanwhile, I'm also searching for other Ts) -- T has been insisting that I haven't been vulnerable in therapy and so, she can't read me emotionally.

I am not entirely sure what is meant by vulnerability at this point -- I've told her very painful stuff but according to her, I still haven't been emotionally vulnerable (although she says I've been "cognitively / intellectually vulnerable" -- not sure what that means). I'm not even looking to pick an argument about this -- I am really just curious about what it all means.

On the other hand, I ended up having a < 15 min conversation with another T who was giving me referrals and I couldn't have been more 'flat' in my affect even with effort (I was on my way to work and so, I gave her a couple of the greatest hits of my life in my best reciting-a-grocery-list tone with a 'Yeah, so that happened and then that and so, I need help with x, y, z'). She seemed to catch on immediately and said some really sweet, insightful stuff and then followed that up with even better stuff in a quick later conversation. Then again, I don't know if the only reason I think she was so good at it is because well, she's not my T. Ugh. Oh well.

[velcro003]

I think my T reads me pretty well. When I find it very difficult to use words to tell her something, she always manages to hone in on what I want/need to say pretty easily. It is a little bit freaky

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The first one I see is deaf, blind, and wrapped. The problem I have with that is that she thinks she knows me and is always expressing surprise when I tell her she is very wrong and why.

The second is not good at it but will listen.

Ugh. She sounds like a total tool. My T often does the opposite--very hesitant in his 'readings.' I can't ever tell if it's genuine or some sort of false modesty or manipulation intended to...lower expectations, maybe?

Still, preferable to the all-knowing reader. Though I admit if I had a T like your first one I would probably take some pleasure in telling her she's wrong.

[feralkittymom]

I would say generally he read me very well. But that doesn't mean there weren't misreads or times when I know he was at a loss. He was very, very good at the learning curve--applying prior interactions with me to current interactions. And he was extremely attuned to how I presented moment-to-moment: almost unnervingly minute observations of the slightest flinch or hesitancy.

But I think there is something to be said for the level of emotional vulnerability I displayed influencing his response. My emotions were uncharacteristically on the surface and intense from the first session. There were stages of therapy in which my emotions were less available to me, and so by extension to him, when he had to work a lot harder to read me. But still, usually close to target.

Awkwardlyyours--when Ts speak of vulnerability, they seem to usually be referring to the degree to which the client exhibits the emotions inherent in the content being shared. So crying or shaking voice or something while talking about a trauma would be seen as emotionally vulnerable and therapeutically appropriate. By the same token, crying while reciting a grocery list would reveal emotional vulnerability out of sync with the content and would be seen as therapeutically inappropriate. In general, therapists tend to prioritize emotions, so respond to them over content in the moment.

[Luce]

I voted for 'the therapist can't read me well but will listen to me when I explain', although with my ex-long term t that doesn't entirely fit either. I think in general 'I' was very hard to read because I have DID and during therapy with that t there is much that was hidden even from my selves. We were a very closed system that still had many secrets to keep from the front ones. So, I don't think it was a reflection on the T that 'I' was hard to read.
She did her best though, and acknowledged her own limitations in doing so. Frequently during therapy we could not talk at all, and the t would often write messages to us... sometimes we could write back, sometimes not. Reading back over those messages reveals a lot about what t was thinking about what was going on for us. She would write what she noticed about our physical presentation (such as 'holding hands over mouth, You look scared? Are you afraid to speak? Afraid of what will happen?). But then she would also write that she could only make guesses: she didn't truly know and she could be way off mark.

With current short term t I haven't really seen her enough to get a good sense of her, nor her of me, although so far she seems to be attuned to whatever emotion presents.

[annielovesbacon]

It took my (former) T awhile, but by our last month or so together (we only worked together for about seven months) she was able to read me very well.

[Ellahmae]

I swear my T is a mind reader. She's very attuned to me, my needs, feelings, emotions. Everything. She gets it, and she gets it right.

[SheHulk07]

T1 is good at understanding me, and picking up on what I'm putting out. T2 pretty much bites at picking up things...ie she doesn't know I laugh to not cry, fidget, etc. My old T2 was amazing at picking up those subtle things and pointing them out so we'd talk about it.

[ruh roh]

I think my perception of this depends on how messed up I'm feeling. Some times I think she doesn't read me well at all, and I let her know over and over for months on end, and then I find that I had misunderstood myself on a key point. Other than those times, I think she reads me well. I really have no way of knowing, though, since I'm currently not all that sure I've been reading myself very well.