The Couch 119: Come Join The Human Shelf!

If you feel like it, you could bring it up to your T and see how they react.

I've felt lectured to by T and sometimes it comes from my past experiences from others (eg, family growing up, current SO), but sometimes I'm dead right on T feeling frustrated.

I want Saturday This week feels so very long after T on Monday and yet another poor staff appraisal from my bosses.

I feel I'm useless at work and senior management wants to get rid of me. They just can't because I'm a civil servant.

Because while my work quality is alright (I'm in charge of several IT projects under maintenance), I'm not doing enough quantity of work...because these projects are supposed to run smooth like they are, and so I've little work!!

My boss even admitted that the department delegates all the tedious, mundane work people hate doing to me! And I do those boring work cheerfully to help out.

Yet senior management is still telling my boss I'm not doing enough to justify my performance grade and pay-grade.

My boss admitted that I haven't been given work opportunities to grow...because I'm seen as passive, quiet, barely competent and disinterested.

And it's true that I hate this job yet stay for the generous benefits. I wouldn't be able to work the long hours, tight deadlines and high stress needed in my previous career as a graphic designer. This job allows me to take time off for my outpatient psychotherapy in a public hospital and it'll be hard to find another job with such benefits.

Sorry for the sob story.

I might, it will depend on how I feel next week, and if I'll just let it tomorrow not...

I'm so glad you had a good swim! Totally understand what you said about being with your thoughts. It's like clarity. There's nothing there to cloud your mind. Like me and the lawn mower and my earphones. Hah! Totally different ends of the spectrum, but maybe the same in some way.

I've always wanted to be a swimmer. Water and I don't agree. Don't know why. Think I feel better running, or the mower.

I hope you sleep well tonight!

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Good night! I hope you have restful sleep.

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Bless you!! Much stress that sounds overwhelming to me. I work from my home and today I totally had had enough. It's ok though.

I hope your day tomorrow is better as I do mine.

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You and me both I appreciate your care!

Ok. Just curious if there is anyone else like me.

I'm reading a very truth telling book about dissociation and and the physical/somatic results of it. Very loud/heavy.

So. I went looking for a book to balance it with. My counselor guided me to another book that is Christian based, but still pretty ?? Don't know the word. Truthful. Doesn't do it justice.

Now, I've found a book by Ted Dekker that is calling my name.

Is this a portrait of ADHD or looking for what?!

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Cool - what book?

Book 1 - The Body Keeps the Score.

Book 2 - On The Threshold of Hope

Book 3 - The Forgotten Way



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Maybe the book you are asking about is "The Body Keeps the Score".

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Trail runner, I heard about the Body keeps the score, maybe from you? someone on here, is it good for childhood sex abuse victims and discociation

YES!!! It is.

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I started with "The Stranger in the Mirror" that shook me and "The Body Keeps the Score" speaks truth to me.

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Thanks... those sound super good.. I have all this boiling beneath the surface from my childhood abuse, I'm kind of afraid to face it and for it to come up all the way in therapy.. but its hindering me especially in my dating.. I know I need to deal with it. I'm going to get those books !!

They speak much truth, but in the truth there is a safety of the truth being real. Hope that makes sense. I couldn't figure out how to say it. I'm working through it myself.

I hope you find truth and confirmation in those books. I did.

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T today. my second session in the new private office .

granite, how are things going with your son? Was breakfast yesterday okay?

I have one experience of being publicly shamed, in front of a kind of tribunal of my colleagues. Different profession, different workplace, many years ago now. I still cannot think about it (and definitely not talk about it in more specific terms than that!)

breakfast went ok . i am hoping he has found a place to live .we just have to wait and see if he gets chosen with a credit check and all . he was in a better mood . he will be moving home this weekend

That part I bolded - that's kinda where I came to by last weekend, the way I understood it, for me looking at my situation for what it in reality was as t stated it, gave me such a clear understanding of why I am the way I am, and that actually gave me much comfort - the understanding - the pieces of the puzzle finally at long last falling into place - the "aha - now it all makes sense" kind of thing.

Exactly, nothing there to cloud your mind, it's like the water is a barrier to the world and it holds me. It holds me up, and it holds me both if that makes sense. I love being in the water. When I'm swimming, I am my most 'me'. I feel strong, confident, competent, beautiful.... everything good a person can feel about herself, I feel when I am in the water. One good thing my mother did do when I was growing up, was got all 4 of us kids into swimming lessons early on. I was terrified of putting my face in the water at first, but I had a very patient instructor who worked one-on-one with me and I gradually began to trust him and the water and I learned. And I never looked back, became the mermaid that I am today lol, even became a Red Cross Lifeguard and WSI (Water Safety Instructor) and taught swimming lessons. My WSIT (WSI Trainer) told me I was good enough to test for WSIT myself, then be able to teach WSI, but I was too unsure of myself to consider it at the time. Oh well. I wish I could somehow get in touch with that long-ago swimming instructor, to be able to tell him about my lifelong love of swimming that he had so much a part of.

Wow I am rambling this morning. Hope you got a good night's sleep too!

Morning, couch.

I woke up late yesterday and had to rush to work, but still made it on time. Thank goodness.

I came home exhausted and fell asleep and slept all afternoon only to wake up at 2am and decide to was too late/early to do anything, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. lol Now I am up for the day and caught up on the couch.

Have the morning and afternoon free today. Have to be at my store to work at 5:00, but that is still a while away. Then I am off all day tomorrow, unless I get a call from another store. I can only hope.

I need to try to clean my room some today. I am so procrastinating on doing so. I also need to stop by pdoc's office on my way to CVS tonight to fill out my half of the paperwork for the med program I am on so they can fax it in for me. They called yesterday saying the foundation faxed it to their office and they had it waiting for me. Pdoc is just up the street from CVS, so I will just leave a little early to stop by on my way into work.

Have my appointment with pdoc next week, that should be interesting as to whether or not he is going to keep me on the increased dose of medication. Hopefully, we will be able to come to some sort of agreement.

The plumber is here installing my water heater. I'm operating at an elevated threat level. When this is done I am going to make myself go to the gym and get some of the anxious energy out. If I'm still stressed, then I can take my meds.

I'm off to the gym soon myself. Consider me virtual company if you like!