Eye contact with T: who else is terrible at this?

Sorry had to laugh at T leaning to get eye contact.

I've not made eye contact with T in the 10 months we've been working together- I am autistic and it took a while for T to not look like she was going to fall off the chair trying to get eye contact from me.

Now she doesn't try anymore

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I think babies typically look away from a caregiver if they are beginning to stress them. I remember my mother yelling "LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU!!!" -- most likely followed by a hard slap across the face.

Does this make it any more understandable what not wanting to look at someone means?

I don't have a problem with eye contact, unless I'm saying something very shameful or embarrassing. When I do look her in the eyes. I don't feel anything, is that wrong? Everyone talks about feeling something and I don't - perhaps that means I do have a problem with it? I don't know. Looking in peoples eyes has never "done" anything for me or caused me to feel different one way or another, all I know is if I feel like I'm in trouble or have done something wrong I can't look at the person that knows.

Eye contact makes me angry. Isn't that stupid! It happens mostly in therapy, but occasionally elsewhere, like some primitive reptile-brain thing. If my T and I maintain contact for a while (which has happened a few times, when we're both waiting for the other to say something) I find myself getting hostile and aggressive. It's so weird.

If I can feel him staring at me for too long, the same thing happens.

I'm just the opposite I have to make sure I break eye contact from time to time or I end up burning a hole through her left eye. I heard somewhere that when you look someone in the eye, to pick on to look at, if you try to look into both at the same time your eyes will shift back and forth making you look nervous.

I'm not great at it but I'm getting better. I often look away, at the floor, or my hands, play with my shoes, or basically anything other than my therapist when I'm talking about difficult stuff. I eventually became very self-conscious about the fact that I would spend an entire session without looking at her. I felt like it was rude. When I apologized for it, however, my therapist assured me it was no big deal- understandable - because therapy a vulnerable space to be in. She said she does the same with her therapist.

Then there was one session when I realized I hadn't looked at her at all the whole hour. I often regret the fact that I'm in this intimate space experiencing and participating in a important practice in my personal growth and I'm not even looking at the other person. It feels like a loss of opportunity in a way. So on the way out the door, I made a point of doing so— quite awkwardly. She was sitting down and I just stopped said "I haven't looked at you this whole time so... (leaning over to where she was sitting...) Hello." I think it caught her so off-gaurd she blushed. LOL.

The good thing about all this is that I learned something about myself. I began to realize how the eye-contact issue thing emulated my Mother. Mom doesn't do eye contact well at all- for her own reasons- and I've been learning how that affected me and still does. I also know there's a fair amount of transference there as well. I don't have this problem with most people in my life- just her. I hope to discuss this more in depth at some point.

Thanks for all the great replies everyone!! I had a good session with him today and was able to look in his eyes for brief periods of time. I feel such warm feelings for him, it's amazing to me that I can so rapidly turn and think he's a jerk if he doesn't respond to me. But today I looked in his eyes a few times and felt love on some level. Eye contact is powerful!