CSA ****trigger***

This thread could trigger individuals, if you are triggered by CSA please so not read.

I am finally starting to work on my CSA and I am wondering if other ts ask exactly what the abuser did and where they touched you.
This seems irrelevant to me, abuse is abuse, does it matter how or where they touched you? I have never had a t ask these kind of questions and I am wondering what my ts motivation is by asking, " did he touch you under your clothes, etc etc...

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That type of questioning strikes me as voyeuristic in the extreme and I would have run for the hills if my T had done anything like it.

I never actually verbalised what had happened to me, I wrote it all down in a letter instead.
This is something I really need to talk about when I go back, it's terrifying.

I don't know why your T would want to know details, I'm sorry I'm no help!

Good for you for getting to a place where you feel you can talk about it.

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Never been asked, no. T meets me where I'm at.

My T does not yet, but I haven't fully "went there" I just bring it up a little and then stuff it back down. I would feel super uncomfortable.. I've never told not even my very best friends the sick things my abuser did to me!!! I hate thinking about it and wouldn't want to verbalize it at all!!

Sometimes it became very relevant to discuss specifics when I was having particular reactions, revulsions, etc. Often we found the connection between what had specifically been done to me and what I was currently experiencing were very tightly related. In understanding the connection, I was finally able to purge that particular memory from bleeding still into my present.

I've been asked that. I think they ask so you can own what happened to you. I feel you need to own it before you can move on.

I like this, thank you. I'll think of it when I'm going through the motions of talking about it!

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I think it's probably different for everyone, but I don't think it's weird of a T to ask for specifics. The first time I worked with a T on it, she asked for specifics and I think it helped me to be able to share what happened and to somehow externalize it...it was what he did, not something that I caused, and I also felt less alone with it and it felt less stuck in my head.

Lately I'm coming back around to discussing it with my current T and I don't feel as much of a need to give specifics, and she doesn't seem to be asking for them. My reluctance could be from lingering shame/embarrassment, or it could be that I'm just in a better place with it now and don't need to give the specifics.

I do wonder if she'll ask for specifics, though, and I kind of hope she does. I somehow feel like I want her to share the knowledge of it with me so I'm not alone with it, and that feels like it requires me to give specifics. Not sure if I will or not.

I'm wondering if you could try to not worry about your T's motivation and just think about whether it feels like it could help you in some way to give specifics, Mona. But of course, you never have to talk about something you don't want to, and given your childhood experiences, I'd think it's definitely important to feel like you have that choice and to make it in whatever direction feels best to you.

Thank you all for your replies so far they have been very helpful. I did think t could be voyueristic. My first t did ask some details but then tried to contradict what I was telling her. I guess I sometimes wonder if she believes me, I know this t believes me but my first didn't.
I guess it makes sense to say it out loud and to share the secret, to tell your truth. I often have difficulty talking when I go down into myself and t asking me those intrusive questions does not help.
I wondered if I it's necessary to ask the details but it seems it's a personal choice for ts.

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Not CSA, but discussing a sexual assault with No. 3 - she asked very very specific questions. I did find it creepy at first; she explained that she was trying to actually "be there" with me in my memories of what happened.

When my T asked specific questions, I asked why and told him I didn't like talking about it in such details. He said we were there to put words on what had happened, and he said that the more he knew, the better, so that he could clearly see what could be my struggles. Effects of CSA can vary according to what happened exactly, so he asked if the abuse was on my body or on my abuser's, he asked if it was inside of me or outside, things like that. I found it creepy at first, but now I am glad that he helped me put words on things and that at least one person on this planet knows exactly what was done to me.

Would it not be the same for it to be "shared knowledge" between you and your t? Some things I have brought out, I've written and have asked my counselor to read them silently. I'm there and I know that he knows what happened, after reading it. We talked about it. I could not find the courage or voice to verbalize it. There was comfort and a relief to know that he shared the knowledge with me.

Maybe being about to actually speak it is a step I take when I become stronger?

Opinions.

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For me, I found actually speaking the words more powerful and changing. Sometimes I wrote it first, and then I read my words to my T, but for me, there was something about hearing those words come out of my mouth, witnessed by my therapist that was like a true purging of that event out of my body for me. I don't quite know how to explain that because it was so very personal and beyond just emotional -- there was a physicality to that.

I do want to add that my therapist never went hunting for information by asking me random questions about my experiences. These discussions always came up for very specific reasons and incidents were brought in very isolated, specific ways. It wasn't like we did this for whole sessions and certainly not session after session (my therapist actually very much believes that approach to be often very retraumatizing).

No, my T has never asked me questions like that. I did have a psychiatrist question me like that once and I felt very violated. However, it was the very first time I had ever seen him and I had no trust built with him. If you generally like and trust your T, I would ask why she needs to know. She might not be asking for HER and her reasons, but she may be asking for what (she perceives) as your benefit - a type of exposure therapy that asks you to recount what happened.....down to the details. I'm sorry it made you feel uncomfortable.

I thought there were legal reasons in your country. That the government is trying to use the mental health system to locate perps and hold them accountable. Is that still going on or what?

Yes that is still going on but only if you give a name. You are not obligated to name the perpetrator but if you do it has to be reported.

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That's what it felt like exposure therapy but then t couldn't bring me back, well she didn't try very hard. It did kinda feel retraumatising like Lola said too.
I can understand trying to find out the feelings associated with it and trying to understand them and I think this was something else. I think she was trying to get me to find my voice by revealing what had happened

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My therapist has always said she does not need those details. She says those details could be more harmful than beneficial

Thanks for this. I have often verbalized that I wish T could be "there" with me in the trauma. I feel I need her there so she will understand how horrible it felt. I also think I want her there so I can feel rescued.

I guess I'm saying I don't think T fully understands what happened to me. And I certainly don't feel rescued or helped very much.

Btw, T has not pressed me for details, either. I tell her the details, though. She just doesn't ask. She says she does not need the details.

And it shouldn't be about the therapist needing the details. Any discussion of the details should be decided by the survivor for whatever purpose that discussion might serve towards healing.

I prefer to not try to remember the details. None of my t's have ever asked for details. For me, working on recovering memories was not helpful and led to dependence and me needing more support than was reasonable to ask from a t. Or from anyone else, for that matter.

I am doing much better with SE, EMDR, Brain Spotting. None of those require that I figure out what happened.

It wasn't about recovering memories in my case, they were already there. But looking at particular incidents in my history helped me get them out of my silence and shadows and subconscience where they tortured me in flashbacks and nightmares, and get them into the light where I could finally confront them and put them consciously in their rightful place, in history.

She did ask, but I actually wished she asked more questions. My reason for talking about it was more to explore if what I remember was the extent of what happened.

My T did not ask for details. I have a vague idea of what happened but he didn't push it. My psychiatrist did ask me if it happened more than once, but she didn't ask for details either.