[lu2415]

I've been working with my T for several years. We've been working on symptoms related to PTSD and anxiety with mixed results. I have a history of depression and suicidal thoughts/plans, but have never attempted. A few months ago, I started slipping into a depression again. On a particularly bad day, I relapsed and started cutting again. At my next therapy session, I told T about the cutting, as I hadn't done it in over 10 years, and knowing how difficult it is to stop, wanted to address it as soon as possible.

At the very end of that same session, almost as an afterthought, T asked if I was having any suicidal thoughts. I answered honestly, telling her that I was. And T said NOTHING in response. Nothing. She said she'd see me the following week and that was it. I have to admit that her response stung a bit - I already struggle with low self-esteem and telling someone I'm thinking about killing myself and having them say nothing in return didn't help.

I'm continuing to have strong urges to self-harm and ongoing suicidal thoughts. This situation occurred about 6 weeks ago and T hasn't asked about either since. After that day, I haven't been able to bring up either with T. I felt as though she was very uncomfortable talking about suicide and that combined with her lack of response is making me extremely hesitant to broach the subject with her again. However, I know that therapy is the place to discuss these sorts of thoughts and feelings, and that not bringing them up could have dyer consequences. Any tips on how to bring it up again? Should I tell her that she looked uncomfortable and that her lack of response felt like rejection?

I've been through a lot with this T and, in general, think she does great work. I'm just having a hard time getting past this one.

Thank you.

[atisketatasket]

Lack of response to something important usually makes me want to follow up and hammer the point home. And I would just ask bluntly - trying to dance around it runs the risk of misunderstanding and more ambiguity.

[skeksi]

Yeah, I think you've got to bring it up. You want and need to talk about your thoughts.

Edited to add, my T has never brought up self-harm. I always have to bring it to the table. Not sure why--maybe kecanoe is right, below.

[kecanoe]

I have noticed that ts are careful when talking about suicidal thoughts because they know if you say the wrong thing they have to call the cops. Mine would listen to whatever I wanted to share, but never brought it up.

[CantExplain]

Possible trigger:

Some Ts are concerned that if they react too strongly to sui thoughts, they might actually encourage them.

I would be very weary of her lack of response. Did she ask if you had a plan? Did she discuss coping techniques or an alternative to cutting?
I think you have picked up on something from her response or lack of response that needs to discussed. That would really hurt me too if my t had reacted like that.
Sounds like you could really do with her support right now. You took a risk by being honest with her, I think she needs to be honest with you! Can you talk to her about this and ask for what you need from her. Sometimes ts panic or get scared, it's no excuse but it happens especially when they care about their clients.

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[Meltedmarshmallow]

When I told my therapist that I cut (My dad made me tell her) We sort of talked not really though she kind of gave me a little advice but I feel like mostly she wanted to avoid that talk, it makes me uncomfortable and ashamed when I tell people but at the same time I want to tell someone.

[Chummy2]

My PrevT also didn't really talked about suicide when I had brought up how bad my thoughts were. She told me what to do if I'm going to do that, but that was it. She talked more about what made me feel this way. But I wanted to talk about the thoughts I had, how bad the urge to do it was, how often. I felt like she was uncomfortable talking about suicide. I haven't brought it up again. I think I said something about it twice in total. And when I had medication that seem to do something, one of things I told her was that the suicide thoughts are less and less strong. She didn't reacted to that, but she did to some other things I said.

I've been mostly alone with these feelings and thoughts. I was too afraid to bring it up again and also too afraid to ask her if she felt uncomfortable talking about that subject. I think it was beter to have brought it up and ask her about it, but I don't know if I would do it differently if this would ever occur again.
Like you I thought my T was really good and the work was good, but this was one thing that she didn't dealt good with.

[koru_kiwi]

my experiences of talking about my suicidal thoughts with my T were very similar to chummys. i wanted to talk and explore the thoughts and why i had the urges to do it, why they never seemed to go away, but the conversations were always deflected by my T. i eventually confronted him about this and why Ts are not comfortable with talking about it as directly as clients would like them too, and he said similar things to what others have said...that Ts are worried that if they allow the client to 'dwell' on the thoughts, that it will cause more harm than good. he also explained that this is a very taboo area for Ts. if a T ever has a client who follows through and is successful in their suicidal plans, then that T not only has to go through the intense feelings of failing or losing a client, but may be branded with a 'scarlet letter' of shame by their peers and colleagues.

it is unfortunate that this is the case with Ts, because like other thoughts and feelings we bring to therapy, suicidal ideation deserves to be explored in a healthy and helpful way, not just swept under the rug because of the Ts fears.

for me, it wasn't until i had some very open and honest conversations with a close friend of mine, who had and still was dealing with his own suicidal ideation at times, that i was able to find some relief of this issue. it was comforting to know that someone else could truely empathise and understand with how i was feeling and i felt i could lean on him in those times. i believe my T never really can understand. when i had asked him if he ever went through a period in his life where suicidal ideation preoccupied his mind, he said no.

[CantExplain]

Gah! If Ts won't talk openly about sui thoughts, what is a sui to do?