Do you feel that your T is vulnerable in your sessions?

That's right I guess, it doesn't really a affect her because it isn't about her, its about you, how you are feeling when you say those things. That's a difference to an outside relationship where things we say to people do hurt them, because they are not focussed on us. Interesting.

I too got confused by it Mouse. I read vulnerability as bring putting yourself in a position which could lead to harm or hurt or sadness or pain, which as a client I do regularly in my mind, because of the way I have been responded to in the past. Whenever I say anything I am expecting a negative response if that makes sense, though I do not get it this time round, with my T.

I dont think My T really puts herself in that position with me, because she is much surer of her position maybe. But it is a very internal feeling so I guess we can't really answer this question properly for our Ts. She has once said she felt vulnerable and that was when she showed me the new room before it was ready and it would tie in with my thinking above. She opened herself to negative criticism from me at that point. When she displays her emotions for me she does so in a teaching manner, but I guess maybe there could be vulnerability there.

With my Old T though, she was much more open than this T. She shared things about her life, her family and herself and visibly she was affected by me in some way. Mostly this was to help me as a client but I did feel like sometimes it was just because we had a relationship. I guess this led me to believe that I had some sort of 'control' over her maybe? That if I responded to her in a certain way she would feel hurt or sadness or a need to have me in her life? I don't know, it is confusing to me too. I know at one point she said that even if she could have continued to work with me she didn't know if she was the best person. I do sometimes wonder if this was because I affected her in this way. I mean it was like she got clumsy when I was around, its hard yo explain. In that way I think she was vulnerable, because I could affect her, and I think this did increase the level of attachment in a not so good way. Old T was great though in 95% of situations, just this tiny thing that got me thinking sometimes.

With current T, I don't think I have that affect on her. I think she is a lot more steady in herself when around me and I think that is what I need right now. Sure I would love to have what I had with Old T but deep down I don't think it was that healthy to be honest. This seems far more healthy to me to be honest.

I don't know if I made any sense there, even to myself!!

Waterbear. Yeah I'm confused. But I've learnt -from T - that even if I say what I feel maybe hurtful to her. It's never really About her. Yes she's human and has feelings, but in the T role she's trying to understand rather than react. T has also said that I cannot break her. She's a pretty tough cookie. That doesn't mean she's a blank slate. She's a analysis and gets what is her's and what's mine.

When you say vunrable, so you mean human? Than T is human in the room. But she's also in the role of T which makes it different to any outside human relationship. I see T's chest take deep breathes at times when I describe certain things. I'm not sure if you mean this or if I were to tell T I hare her and her collapse? Do you mean that by vunrabilty? Because anything that goes on in the room is therapy. About me ams my feelings. Which are also symptoms of my past. It's not for T to gather those for herself? There's a relationship between us. I can decipher between 'us' and the work. I think I'm confused when people talk about T and vunrabilty. I think that's all part of the work.