[lifeamateur]

My therapist blurted out, "You are an extremely beautiful woman" during a session where I was telling him about feeling objectified by harassment.

I didn't respond. Did he say this because he wanted to see how I would respond? Does he want to see if I agree? Is he testing me for narcissism? Do therapists do this? It happened several weeks ago and I don't know how to bring it up. I've been seeing him for about 6 months and this was the first time he has said anything of this nature.

I'm actually not extremely beautiful. I feel I am pretty average looking.

[Skeezyks]

Hello lifeamateur: Honestly, I would have no idea why your therapist would blurt something like this out. Perhaps he was simply offering up a rationale for why you are receiving the harassment you are getting? Personally I would doubt that there was some clandestine testing going on. But I suppose anything is possible. I do think that, since this is clearly of concern to you, it is important to discuss it with him. Assuming that he is a skilled therapist, he should not be "put off" by the fact that you raise the concern.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by lifeamateur

My therapist blurted out, "You are an extremely beautiful woman" during a session where I was telling him about feeling objectified by harassment.

I didn't respond. Did he say this because he wanted to see how I would respond? Does he want to see if I agree? Is he testing me for narcissism? Do therapists do this? It happened several weeks ago and I don't know how to bring it up. I've been seeing him for about 6 months and this was the first time he has said anything of this nature.

I'm actually not extremely beautiful. I feel I am pretty average looking.

He responded to your feelings of being objectified by further objectifying you? I would be bothered by that, but I would also have pointed it out. If you're otherwise happy with him, I would probably give him the benefit of the doubt, but also say something at the same time because I can't let things like that go. I would not like a therapist commenting on my looks or appearance, especially not in the context of an issue I was having with other people doing that.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by lifeamateur

My therapist blurted out, "You are an extremely beautiful woman" during a session where I was telling him about feeling objectified by harassment.

I didn't respond. Did he say this because he wanted to see how I would respond? Does he want to see if I agree? Is he testing me for narcissism? Do therapists do this? It happened several weeks ago and I don't know how to bring it up. I've been seeing him for about 6 months and this was the first time he has said anything of this nature.

I'm actually not extremely beautiful. I feel I am pretty average looking.

Welcome lifeamateur,

His response would confuse me, too.

I would wonder, did he just try to justify other people's objectification? Did he just try to minimize my feelings?
Is he attracted to me?

I agree, I would have to bring it up and gauge his reaction.
How is he otherwise as a therapist?

[Syntactic]

I think it's important to be able to voice your opinions, questions, feelings, etc. about anything that occurs or has occurred in your life - including the things that occur in the therapy room, between you and your therapist. It's your therapist's job to provide a space where you can be authentic, model non-defensiveness, curiosity, reality-checking, and accountability as part of conflict resolution, demonstrate that the relationship can withstand anything you bring to the table, and show you that breaches in the relationship can be repaired. That's a pretty tall order - but in my opinion, how a therapist responds to the situations that occur between therapist and client is part of what separates great therapists from good, or even bad, ones.

[jeremiahgirl]

I would be a bit concerned by his remarks because, therapist are suppose to be considerate of the clients they assist. They aren't to interject any personal feelings or reactions without being aware of their clients personal concerns or insecurities.
Another factor is we don't know the parameters around this "blurt out" you mentioned you were discussing harassment concerns but there may have been other statements mentioned that caused this reaction from him.
It does seem, there was some "shift" in his thoughts for that to happen and I would address it in therapy. I would tell him your uneasy feelings about such a blurt out.


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[junkDNA]

that would freak me out

[Yours_Truly]

I happen to agree with Skeezyks, I think he was simply offering up a rationale for why you are receiving harassment, I admit without realizing what he was doing. I also doubt that there was anything clandestine about it.
As ruh roh said, if you're otherwise happy with his behavior, I would probably give him the benefit of the doubt, but as everyone seems to agree, definitely discuss it with him.

[songofthesea]

Originally Posted by jeremiahgirl

I would be a bit concerned by his remarks because, therapist are suppose to be considerate of the clients they assist. They aren't to interject any personal feelings or reactions without being aware of their clients personal concerns or insecurities.
Another factor is we don't know the parameters around this "blurt out" you mentioned you were discussing harassment concerns but there may have been other statements mentioned that caused this reaction from him.
It does seem, there was some "shift" in his thoughts for that to happen and I would address it in therapy. I would tell him your uneasy feelings about such a blurt out.

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What if she's objectively beautiful and it's not an opinion?

On a serious note, you have my sympathies, lifeamateur. I don't think it was appropriate on his part as it serves no therapeutic purposes – if you were exhibiting confidence issues in terms of your looks it could have been charitable, but that wasn't the scenario. My (generally) straight male therapist has never commented on my appearance, and I am very glad he hasn't. It doesn't seem important to him, which is excellent.

Phrasing is important though – you reported "blurted out" as if it was uncontrolled, accidental. I rather like the previous posts' assessments that he was merely offering a rationale. So – how "uncontrolled" was the "blurt"?

[runlola72]

This would make me nervous. My T has never commented on my looks at all, despite me having complained to him that I felt I had to rely heavily on my looks for validation in the past. I believe when the subject was referenced, he used the words "...so you felt you had certain assets which played to your advantage..." and I could tell he was even uncomfortable saying those words. I'm sorry he made you feel uncomfortable.

[lifeamateur]

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I really appreciate your thoughts. I suppose I do need to ask him about it. It was outside of normal for him.

[lifeamateur]

I responded to all of your posts earlier this week but it didn't seem to work. Thanks for all of your helpful advice. I really appreciate your thoughts on this.