[speckofdust]

I'm aware that mirroring is a technique that some therapists use, and I've been trying to consciously notice if and when my T does it. Sometimes, I am undecided about whether she's mirroring me verbally, or simply rephrasing what I say so that she is sure she's clear on what I mean.

I have noticed her mirror my sitting position a few times. (Which is kind of funny to me because she naturally sits in a prim and proper position, while I am more relaxed in mine. So, when she slouches like me, it's very noticeable). I often wonder what benefit mirroring could have. I find it confusing because it seems like a criticism to me - i.e., stop slouching!

Is this something others notice when in session with your T(s)? What do you like or dislike about it? Do you find it helpful or insightful in some way?

[atisketatasket]

No. 3 did this, physically - she would try to synchronize her breathing with mine. I noticed because she kept staring at me, so I asked. She said it was to help her experience what I was experiencing. I didn't like it because of the staring (that part she stopped at least), nor did I find it helpful, but hey, if she did...

She would also close her eyes sometime to try to think herself into my place during an old trauma - not sure that's mirroring.

When I first brought this stuff up here, unaluna asked a good question: if they're paying so much attention to mirroring you, are they really listening to what you're saying?

[Argonautomobile]

I think I read somewhere that we all mirror unconsciously to some extent (ever speak with someone with an accent and, to your horror, discover that you're starting to imitate or mimic it?) This tidbit makes me feel better about my T's mirroring when I notice it (the idea of them doing it on purpose strikes me as somehow manipulative).

I've noticed my T's mirroring most obviously when I'm in a good mood. If I'm feeling gregarious and funny, he becomes funny--he jokes, laughs, smiles, etc. Again, no idea if this is a consciously-done therapeutic technique, a totally unconscious way of relating (moods can be kind of infectious that way), or something in-between.

[speckofdust]

I was reading about mirroring as an actual purposeful technique for therapists. That's what got me thinking about it and watching out for it with my T.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

When I first brought this stuff up here, unaluna asked a good question: if they're paying so much attention to mirroring you, are they really listening to what you're saying?

To my great irritation, I've found my T is not especially good at listening to the content of what I'm saying when I'm especially upset, agitated, animated, what have you, and tends to focus instead on my tone, mood, manner of relating, etc.

Me: ....And that's why you can't actually prove free will exists!

T: You seem sort of agitated today.

[atisketatasket]

I think it is deliberate - they need to speed up possible connections with clients as much as possible. Mirroring would be one way to do that.

[junkDNA]

I don't think my T does this or maybe I just don't notice

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[Littlemeinside]

Just sit in a funny position. I had a T who laughed ( because she was trying to mirror me I think) ... I do yoga...

[MobiusPsyche]

One time about a year ago I talked to T about mirroring. It was just how she would hold her head and look at me, and it mirrored my body language. I told her it felt intrusive, like she was trying to reach out across the room to touch me. She said she wasn't doing it consciously; I believed her and now I'm less bothered by it. I would be really bothered if it were being done on purpose. But salesmen etc. Do use the technique on purpose.

[stopdog]

I rarely look at the woman unless angry with her. Itf she tries that technique, it is wasted on me.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

To my great irritation, I've found my T is not especially good at listening to the content of what I'm saying when I'm especially upset, agitated, animated, what have you, and tends to focus instead on my tone, mood, manner of relating, etc.

Me: ....And that's why you can't actually prove free will exists!

T: You seem sort of agitated today.

1. That was probably hankster that said that!

2. In the above reenactment, the t is "correct" because a t doesnt care primarily about following the logic of your discussion (unless youre being totally illogical); t is more interested in identifying your FEEEEEEEEELLLLLIIIIIINNNNNGGGSZS!

[Argonautomobile]

FEEEEEEEEELLLLLIIIIIINNNNNGGGSZS!

If a hatching is a little creature that's just hatched, and a changeling is a little goblin thing that changes, then is a feeling like a gnome that goes around feeling things?

Does it have feelers?

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

FEEEEEEEEELLLLLIIIIIINNNNNGGGSZS!

If a hatching is a little creature that's just hatched, and a changeling is a little goblin thing that changes, then is a feeling like a gnome that goes around feeling things?

Does it have feelers?

No - a feeling is the offspring of a fee, which is what you pay so that they can talk about your feelings.

[awkwardlyyours]

ATAT -- that was beyond brilliant!

ETA: My actual contribution to the thread -- T doesn't mirror. Thank heavens. Or maybe she does? We both have little or no emotional expression. I sit leaning forward and she sits leaning back. On the rare occasion that I've slipped up and shown emotion, she has sharply questioned "What is that emotion?" (exact words). I mumble and then poof....the question works like magic because the emotion's instamtically gone. I've considered bringing in a whiteboard with highlighters to maybe just show a mapping between the couple of expressions I use that might appear to indicate emotion and the actual emotion -- so, that way, I can just refer her to the whiteboard and we can move on.....saving that additional discussion as well prior to returning to the usual no-emotion-anywhere-to-be-found scheduling.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

ATAT -- that was beyond brilliant!

Actually I thought it was pretty weak. But it's nice to have fans.

[awkwardlyyours]

What can I say? I am easy.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

No - a feeling is the offspring of a fee, which is what you pay so that they can talk about your feelings.

Hahaha! That's quite clever.

[rhcpchance]

My T always keeps Lifesavers mints in a bowl in the room. I've noticed that if I eat them then he will as well, but if I don't eat any then he won't. Hmm...

[UglyDucky]

In the psych journal articles/books I've read, if the T crosses their legs and the client follows suit, etc., it is often considered that the attachment phase is underway. I had problems with arm crossing...if T crossed their arms, was T trying to shut me out or was T trying to see if I would mirror? I was always more concerned about body language and etiquette than mirroring.

Mirroring isn't as contrived as examples given here. It's about reflecting about feelings too.

I think mirroring is part of many human interactions, not just with Ts. I experienced it with both of my therapists, especially in communication style. With the first T the latter was very obvious as his default style of quite different from mine: I could see what may have been more his own natural style in the first couple sessions and also when it was disrupted towards the end when we had lots of conflicts.

Interesting about the leg crossing. My current T always sits with his legs crossed, I noticed this and wondered why, I would think it's perhaps a bit usual for men? But I do also almost always sit on the coach with my legs crossed so perhaps we are mirroring each-other? This wasn't the case with my previous T.

There is something else my current T does all the time with verbal communication. Often when I speak about something significant about myself and my life, he would respond telling me a similar thing about himself and his experiences. This is definitely a method that works to make connection with me not only because it creates a sense of similarities but also because it seems very natural. When former T tried to say things to connect with me, often it felt very contrived and off. I think that successful use of mirroring requires more than just mimicking body language and reflecting things back to the patient. Whatever it takes, it is not effective with just anyone.

[SoConfused623]

In general, i find myself mirroring certain people in body language (not purposely) and that also happens in therapy. So I'm not sure if she's mirroring me or if I'm mirroring her sometimes! However I do notice that she mirrors what I say. I said that I felt like a f****** loser, and she denied that i was one and repeated the same term 3 times in the next 5 minutes , which made me feel like she was mocking me. In addition, yesterday I used a slang word to describe something and next thing you know she's using the same slang word which I don't think she would have ever said had I not said it... So, yes, there's definitely mirroring going on in my sessions!

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[awkwardlyyours]

Oh, I forgot to add this -- might be the most obvious mirroring she does.

I use the F word a fair amount in session (never directed at her though). She is really very very prim and proper and generally uptight-ish.

But, when I get going on the swearing, she joins in sometimes -- it's really rather hilarious to watch because it's totally out of sync with how she appears (and completely in sync with how I come across).

A while ago, she went one step further and as I was saying that I really didn't want to show up for sessions, she was like "Oh yeah, so along with saying F-it to everything else in your life, you're also like F my therapist".

It was one of the few times we were in total agreement.