[colorsofthewind12]

This past session my therapist and I sort of got tense with one another, not wanting to go into the weekend upset, I asked him to offer me some words of comfort/support. But the last 5 minutes of my session was spent arguing because he refused to give me words of support.

I was so angry that I later texted him and cursed him out. He responded that we'll talk about it next session.

Today, I was feeling bad about what happened and texted him asking to speak with him on the phone for 2 minutes. I was planning on apologizing and I wanted to hear his voice to feel connected again.

However, he refused to talk over the phone and said we'll talk about it next session. (In the past he agreed to call me, happened once or twice over the past two years, so I don't know why he all of a sudden put up this boundary. I mean perhaps he was upset that I cursed him out but therapists should be able to understand where it's coming from...)

He was so stubborn that I just told him I am canceling my next session.

I am just so upset and angry and I feel really abandonded my him. I feel like he hates my guts. This whole episode confirms that I can't trust people, they'll turn on you any second. It is also confirms that I can't ever be loved.

I am so distraught and upset, I don't know what to do.

[SoConfused623]

Originally Posted by colorsofthewind12

This past session my therapist and I sort of got tense with one another, not wanting to go into the weekend upset, I asked him to offer me some words of comfort/support. But the last 5 minutes of my session was spent arguing because he refused to give me words of support.

I was so angry that I later texted him and cursed him out. He responded that we'll talk about it next session.

Today, I was feeling bad about what happened and texted him asking to speak with him on the phone for 2 minutes. I was planning on apologizing and I wanted to hear his voice to feel connected again.

However, he refused to talk over the phone and said we'll talk about it next session. (In the past he agreed to call me, happened once or twice over the past two years, so I don't know why he all of a sudden put up this boundary. I mean perhaps he was upset that I cursed him out but therapists should be able to understand where it's coming from...)

He was so stubborn that I just told him I am canceling my next session.

I am just so upset and angry and I feel really abandonded my him. I feel like he hates my guts. This whole episode confirms that I can't trust people, they'll turn on you any second. It is also confirms that I can't ever be loved.

I am so distraught and upset, I don't know what to do.

Sounds like he's on a power trip! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! Hugs

Sent from my SM-N920T using Tapatalk

He's not refusing to talk about it and he isn't abandoning you. He's simply saying this is something you two should talk about in session which seems reasonable. You can certainly cancel the session, but it won't resolve the issue; you will still be left feeling distraught. Sounds like you need to sit down with him and talk perhaps. Pulling away when you are upset seems to be reinforcing your belief that you are being turned on and hated, but he hasn't gone anywhere. He's just asking to wait to discuss this in person.

[ruh roh]

First, I would be just as upset if I asked for support during a session and it was denied. Following up with a text was probably doomed to not be any better than what happened in person, but I would try not to jump to seeing it as that he hates you. It sounds like he's not at his best (not sure what his best looks like from here, but this does not sound even in the ballpark), but it's 100% about him and the fact that he can't shed his own issues to be there for you.

Honestly, I don't get why a therapist would refuse support in any case, but after 5 minutes of getting a no in person, this one probably needs time to get that giant stick out of his southside before I would approach him. Can you distract yourself for the weekend and then revisit what to do?

You also mentioned in previous threads that your T doesn't do outside of session contact, so he seems to be being consistent with that policy in asking you to discuss this in session rather than over the phone.

[colorsofthewind12]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

You also mentioned in previous threads that your T doesn't do outside of session contact, so he seems to be being consistent with that policy in asking you to discuss this in session rather than over the phone.

I did once mention that but since then he does respond to my occasional(once a month or once every two months) text between session and he called me once when I ask to speak to him so he is not being consistent.

[colorsofthewind12]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

First, I would be just as upset if I asked for support during a session and it was denied. Following up with a text was probably doomed to not be any better than what happened in person, but I would try not to jump to seeing it as that he hates you. It sounds like he's not at his best (not sure what his best looks like from here, but this does not sound even in the ballpark), but it's 100% about him and the fact that he can't shed his own issues to be there for you.

Honestly, I don't get why a therapist would refuse support in any case, but after 5 minutes of getting a no in person, this one probably needs time to get that giant stick out of his southside before I would approach him. Can you distract yourself for the weekend and then revisit what to do?

I know he needs space from me, I get that. But my child part wants what it wants. He might be going through something in his personal life or maybe his other patients are acting out now too, I don't know. It's just no excuse

[colorsofthewind12]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

He's not refusing to talk about it and he isn't abandoning you. He's simply saying this is something you two should talk about in session which seems reasonable. You can certainly cancel the session, but it won't resolve the issue; you will still be left feeling distraught. Sounds like you need to sit down with him and talk perhaps. Pulling away when you are upset seems to be reinforcing your belief that you are being turned on and hated, but he hasn't gone anywhere. He's just asking to wait to discuss this in person.

This has happened many times before. He is very confrontational which I like but he needs to learn to balance it with support and meet me where I am at.

[colorsofthewind12]

I just don't know what to do from here

[paingrl]

I think he would rather talk to you face to face to avoid being misconstrued.

I think it's best to talk face to face.
Was arguing back or was holding your anger?

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by paingrl

I think he would rather talk to you face to face to avoid being misconstrued.

This is what I was thinking. I'm the type who wants to resolve conflicts as soon as possible, so I'd want a phone call too. But I've also had misunderstandings with T (and marriage counselor) over phone and/or e-mail that might not have happened in person. On the phone, you don't have the facial expressions, body language, or eye contact that are part of communication. So something can seem, say, harsh on the phone that might be different in person. However, if this is what your T is concerned about, he should have told you that instead of just refusing a phone call.

[Merecat]

He may just not have time to talk to you - it's the weekend and perfectly reasonable that he would have plans that can't easily accommodate phone contact with a client. So not about you, or about him doing something wrong just that he can't be available to you when you want him to be.

I don't know what you mean when you say you wanted words of support or comfort so can't make any assessment about whether his response was reasonable or not but it seems fair for him to want to talk about it in session rather that risking missed communication by text or phone. It's not uncommon for clients to cancel sessions if there's been a rupture, I'd simply text that I wanted to keep the appointment ans talk to him about it there.

[colorsofthewind12]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I think it's best to talk face to face.
Was arguing back or was holding your anger?

My memory of the specifics of that session is a little hazy but I think he was arguing back, he was not holding my anger.

[colorsofthewind12]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

This is what I was thinking. I'm the type who wants to resolve conflicts as soon as possible, so I'd want a phone call too. But I've also had misunderstandings with T (and marriage counselor) over phone and/or e-mail that might not have happened in person. On the phone, you don't have the facial expressions, body language, or eye contact that are part of communication. So something can seem, say, harsh on the phone that might be different in person. However, if this is what your T is concerned about, he should have told you that instead of just refusing a phone call.

I agree. If he was concerned about being misunderstood over the phone, he should have communicated that to me, instead of treating me like a child and being subtlety patronizing and condensing in his response.

[colorsofthewind12]

Originally Posted by Merecat

He may just not have time to talk to you - it's the weekend and perfectly reasonable that he would have plans that can't easily accommodate phone contact with a client. So not about you, or about him doing something wrong just that he can't be available to you when you want him to be.

I don't know what you mean when you say you wanted words of support or comfort so can't make any assessment about whether his response was reasonable or not but it seems fair for him to want to talk about it in session rather that risking missed communication by text or phone. It's not uncommon for clients to cancel sessions if there's been a rupture, I'd simply text that I wanted to keep the appointment ans talk to him about it there.

That could be and I respect that, but again, he should have communicated that to me.

I don't know, I think I need a break from him. I am not sure his approach is right for me for the long haul.

[Chummy2]

I get why you feel upset. I would probably react like you did (but without cursing).
It's possible that he wants to discuss this in session because it's better to discuss something like this face to face. Did he also told you why he didn't wanted to talk about it by Phone?
The thing with waiting until the next session is that you have to wait. I don't know how much time there is between your sessions. I would think and think about it. I would also think that T must hate me. (Actually I think that about PrevT now, because she doesn't reply to my email. Though there's a session planned, but that's two weeks from now.) It might would have been better if he had said something about it and then to discuss it more in the next session.