[guilloche]

I left my therapist in January, then came back later this year. It's been a rough year, and I'm pretty isolated. I had hoped that the therapist could help me find someone that would be a better match, and in the interim, just be a human who could listen and empathize when I needed it.

At the last session, my internet had been out for a week - and still wasn't fixed. It was causing me a huge amount of stress (there's some weirdness involved, I actually work for the company that provides my internet - so I felt very constrained in what I could say/do, even though being without a service that I paid for, for that long, with no hope of it being fixed... felt really absurd and mind-boggling to me.)

At the time, I remember thinking... there weren't a lot of people that I could talk to about it. I felt really glad that I had a session coming up, and thought that it would be great to have someone to listen, bounce things off of, vent, and process.

When I started trying to explain what was going on, he stopped me. He basically said, "well, sometimes bad things happen and we can't do anything about it. You've examined your options, you're moving forward, there's not really anything to talk about."

I was shut down the rest of the session. I couldn't, in a million years, imagine ANY therapist jumping in to say, "that's not important enough to talk about". What the heck?

What got me, after the fact, is that there were a TON of things that this conversation could have led to. We could have talked about how embarrassed I am to be working for a company that treats its customers so badly, what I need to do to get out of there, how much of my existence revolves around the internet, and how the issue of not being able to speak up b/c of my fear of consequences occurs in other parts of my life (including therapy!). But, he shut all that down, because... not having internet isn't important enough to discuss.

I am sad. I know, I've said this a million times here... but I feel completely hopeless. And, it sucks, b/c obviously there was some part of me that was attached enough to go back.

I was supposed to go back this Friday (2 weeks after the last appointment) but I emailed this morning to cancel. Not reschedule, just cancel.

Not sure what I'm looking for, I guess I just wanted to share. Maybe see if anyone else can relate... has a T ever told you that something was not important enough to talk about? How did you deal with it? Did you keep seeing them? It seems *insane* to me for a therapist to say that, to shut things down like that. Thanks.

[t0rtureds0ul]

My exT shut me down on most subjects. It was a really big warning sign I should have paid more attention to...

[mindwrench]

I can relate. I just put in request this morning for a different T. That is in my mind, the worst thing a T can do to a client is dismiss things, or downplay what they feel like talking about. That is beyond rude, for them to talk to you that way, and definitely unprofessional.

I think you should copy what you just wrote to all of us up there and send it to that dolt so it will hopefully educate him a little ... You are correct about how some things open up other things and I think it was inappropriate of him to just cut you off like that ... It was obviously important to you whether he thought it was or not ... I also hope you are able to find you a therapist that works out better for you!

Sincerely,
Cloud

[DelusionsDaily]

You may need to spend some time finding a new T. T's shouldn't be dictating what you talk about...YOU should. I had been with a T for a while who started doing that and I had to find a new T that not only was I able to talk about what I wanted to but we also connected much better. I hope you find what you need T or no T.

[guilloche]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the validation - it helps me feel less crazy.

It's so weird/confusing. I'm sure this guy helps some people. There are other things that he's handled really well. But, ugh. Yes, I feel like the way we interact, for some reason, his style tends to shut me down... and I know it's not JUST me, because I've had friends that talked in a way that made it really easy to open up and say more, you know?

t0rtureds0ul - Thanks, and sorry that you went through this too.

mindwrench - Thanks! I hope your next T is better. (And mine too!). It sounds like you are pretty good at noticing stuff like this and acting on it. I wish that I could be better... I sort of wish that I hadn't come back, b/c we had a pretty good ending last time. Now, I'm just sort of disappearing. I feel a tiny bit guilty about that. But, I don't want to pay to just explain to him why it won't work out - I feel like we've been over all this so many times, it would just be rehashing what's already been said. I'm still a tiny bit sad.

Cloud23 - Ha! Thanks! I thought about it, but... I really think we've been over this stuff so many times. In fact, when he said this to me, he prefaced it with... "I know you're not going to like this..." . I think it's just a really bad match. I believe that he helps some people, but I think he's primarily into "solutions oriented therapy" - which seems very much about solving practical day to day problems, and I don't think that's going to work for my issues, at all. Ugh. I just hate that... it feels like I wasted a lot of time/money and didn't really get much out of it, other than more reasons to hate therapy!

DelusionsDaily - Thanks, and thanks for the good wishes. I don't understand why finding a good T that I can connect with is so hard. I've seen lots of Ts, and had a lot of really crappy experiences.