im just hurting

i just wish i could talk and talk and talk to my T until i cant talk anymore.i know this cannot happen even if i was able to talk to her. i will see her on thursday and then she will be on vacation for the next week because of the holiday. so much has been going on in my head .i just hurt so much .coming to terms with the fact that no one in my family particularly loves me and the same is going on now with my son just because he is my son . it really seems ill never have the family i was always wanting and it hurts i want to see it as not me but im having such a hard time with it . just seeing that this can no longer happen is hard enough but i cant see it as there problem .it is everyone in my family .EVERYONE im not exaggerating at all . it hurts so bad . that call from the mother has set something off in me that i cant let go at all . i just feel so horrible and unlovable and my son is now suffering because he is my son . i always held some hope that i could be good enough and now i see that just cant happen . her voice is in my head and wont go away . i feel so alone also and im in a constant panic about my son and what is going on in his head as my so called family are now turning there backs on him also .just when he needs them most .im faced every day when i see him how much they all look at him and i as complete failures in life and not worth there time or thought except to speak to me with complete disdain. it hurts . my son didnt ask for me as a parent and is paying for it now .

Even if you can't see it for yourself (and I know that feeling, even when I can see it cognitively) you are not a failure. Life just dealt you a hand, a pretty crappy one by the sounds of it and you had to do with it the best that you could. And that you have done, I am sure. I know the feeling of wanting to talk and talk and not being able to and that in itself is so frustrating, without all else that is happening in your life right now. I am so sorry your family is turning your back on you and your son. It stinks, but all you can do is be there for yourself and for him and try to make the best of every day, even if that is just getting through it intact. Hugs to you Granite, it sounds like you could do with them.

Granite - I am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. In my view of things, Your son is an adult and he can deal with his grandparents and other family members or not - it is now his to deal with - you are not responsible for how they all work it out (or not as the case may be).

I'm sorry you are hurting, but I'm so happy that I found you again, I'm back. I'm here as always for you.

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hi sweepy glad to see you here also