[sinking]

I dont want to leave my T, but after the summer vacation (1 month and a half) he let his beard grow and when i went it for the first time it shocked me and i didnt like it and. we did talk a bit about that but not much. now i am thinking about quitting therapy for this. i dont think we could have the same relationship we had before. i know i shouldnt judge by the looking but i cant help it. now he seems fake to me.

did it ever happen to any of you? am i crazy?

i guess the best think to do should be talking with him about it but i dont want to do it.

any thoughts? thanks

I never experienced anything similar but read a few stories here on PC about people being disturbed by the therapist's change of appearance. You did not mention why the beard has shocked you, I am guessing it's perhaps something deeper than simply aesthetics? Does it remind you of something or someone?

Is he a good therapist for you otherwise? If he is, then I would think it's probably worth taking the effort to talk about it instead of leaving him in this upset state of mind.

You would quit a therapist you otherwise liked (or is that not the case?) because of a change of appearance? That does seem pretty extreme, particularly since you aren't talking about anything particularly unusual or offensive in appearance like he stopped bathing or something. Perhaps you need to explore why facial hair equates to fakeness to you. Where is that coming from? Do you associate facial hair with someone in your past? Sounds like something to talk to him about.

I'll tell you what I immediately thought of though. My brother-in-law had a beard for years, and at one point, he decided he was over the beard and shaved it off. His daughter, who had only ever known him with a beard told him "Put it back!" She was like 3 years old at the time; it was a very young response to his change in appearance. (I don't mean immature; I'm saying your response seems to be coming perhaps from a very young place?)

[nottrustin]

I have never personally dealt with it. However I would not be able to continue with it. Because of my past, men with facial hair is very triggering.

Originally Posted by sinking

I dont want to leave my T, but after the summer vacation (1 month and a half) he let his beard grow and when i went it for the first time it shocked me and i didnt like it and. we did talk a bit about that but not much. now i am thinking about quitting therapy for this. i dont think we could have the same relationship we had before. i know i shouldnt judge by the looking but i cant help it. now he seems fake to me.

did it ever happen to any of you? am i crazy?

i guess the best think to do should be talking with him about it but i dont want to do it.

any thoughts? thanks

Yes, it's happened to me with my last therapist.
For me, it was child feelings. I remember my son getting mad that I colored my hair once, when he was 4 years old. He was mad at me for a long time!

I think it's something like that...

[Argonautomobile]

I bet you'll get used to it after you see it a few more times.

Originally Posted by sinking

I dont want to leave my T, but after the summer vacation (1 month and a half) he let his beard grow and when i went it for the first time it shocked me and i didnt like it and. we did talk a bit about that but not much. now i am thinking about quitting therapy for this. i dont think we could have the same relationship we had before. i know i shouldnt judge by the looking but i cant help it. now he seems fake to me.

did it ever happen to any of you? am i crazy?

i guess the best think to do should be talking with him about it but i dont want to do it.

any thoughts? thanks

I don't see it as judging. It may have a trigger value. Only you know what's best for you to do.

[Lauliza]

When all three of my children were small, they all reacted similarly at one time or another, to a change in my appearance (hair color, cut, weight loss). It's not uncommon for men to grow beards and shave periodically and it does drastically alter an appearance. So you're certainly not crazy but just having a child like reaction. I think it would be best to talk to him about it though, unless you want to quit for other reasons of course. You should do what is best for you in the long run.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[sinking]

Thank you all.

i have next appt on sept the 8th and im not sure what to do. there are some others reasons to quit but there are also some reasons to stay....

glad i still have a few days to think about it.