[Miswimmy1]

As I continue on my journey trying to find a new therapist (if you might remember, I was rejected by the last prospective therapist that I interviewed), I have run into another problem.

So a few weeks ago, I saw a new prospective T. I liked her very much - she had great energy and I liked her approach to therapy (emphasized the importance of a relationship therapist and client, told me that she doesn't have one single approach for therapy but she tailors her method to meet the client's needs, etc.) Anyways, she is located near my permanent home. I made sure to double check with her to make sure she did phone-therapy or Skype so that she and I could continue to work together when I return to school. I return September 16th. Seeing as I met her a few weeks ago, I thought that was cutting it a little bit close but that it would give me just enough time to develop an in-person bond with her before we went to virtual therapy sessions.

Cut to - I had been speaking with an ExT of mine for the past six months while I was looking for someone new. She is located in a different state. Due to insurance coverage, I am running out of sessions with ExT. That was another reason why it was so imperative for me to find someone who was local as soon as possible.

I wanted my ExT to speak with this new prospective T before I agreed to end communication with ExT for good and transition to the new T. If any of you read my post about the therapist rejecting me, my ExT and I agreed that it would be best for her to relay my tumultuous treatment history to any prospective therapist. Immediately after meeting new T, I sent ExT an email giving consent to speak to new T and new T's contact info. New T also said that she would reach out to ExT for my treatment history. Both ExT and new T said that they would get back to me after they touched base with one another.

It has been two weeks and I emailed them both to check in and see how things are going. I haven't had a session with either therapist since interviewing new T, so my therapy has been put on hold. I am feeling quite stressed about going back to school and I would like to resume my weekly sessions, with one or the other. Both said that they had not heard from the other. But both would give the other another call. It appears that they are playing phone tag while I am left waiting. And wasting valuable time that I could be using to bond with new T.

I am growing more and more anxious about going back to school. And not knowing what I am going to do about therapy isn't helping anything. If new T freaks out when ExT talks about me, then I will only have about two weeks to find and meet someone new. And I highly doubt that any therapist would agree to virtual therapy after only meeting with me twice in person. Or, this new T works out. But I haven't bonded with her either at this point. Trust is a huge issue for me and it's so important to me that I feel comfortable with the therapist that I choose to work with.

I think about all of this and then I start getting super anxious. Because this was my situation last summer. I was trying to find a therapist (some of you might remember this long story). I found someone, met a few times, was told by my parents that I wasn't allowed to see her, was forced to go to school with no therapist because there was no time for me to meet someone new. I feel like I try to do everything I can to make things work and it just isn't in the cards for me. Or I have to work so hard and practically force things to happen.

What do I say to either therapist? Do I say anything? Start pursuing different options (a painful endeavor that I would rather not do)?

[atisketatasket]

I'm unclear as to why you can't find a therapist near your school? You'll be there 8-9 months of the year, right? Makes it seem more efficient to have one near school rather than at home. Surely they have a counselling center or a list of therapists in the community to refer students to.

No. 3 and No. 2 are playing phone tag right now, so I understand how frustrating it is. But I just don't quite understand why there's so much pressure on you to find yet another therapist in two weeks, or why you can't have appointments with the new one while waiting for her and your ex-therapist to get in synch. What am I missing?

[ThisWayOut]

I'm also a bit confused. I understand the frustrations in trying to find a new t,and the stress of going to school. I'm wondering why it's being left to ex t to "solidify" the relationship with new t. What prevents you from explaining things to this new t, then leaving her to contact ex t as she feels necessary?
Atisketatasket brought up another good point, why not find someone near school to do in person therapy with? You will be there much longer than you will be at home. If you are worried about getting a student or intern through the school, you can always request a staff clinician, or find someone outside of school but local to campus...
I hope something works out for you. I know how anxiety-provoking school can be, especially while you still have other things to deal with...

It seems like it would make more sense to find a therapist where you go to college. This whole long distance skype thing seems overly complicated. I also do not understand why you are putting sessions on hold while waiting for these therapists to talk. Just start with the new therapist if that is what you want and they can speak later if they feel the need. I have never had a former therapist consult with a new therapist. They just got to know me themselves and that seemed better really.

[Perna]

If you are going to be terminating with old T because of insurance running out and seeing new T, I would just call and check in with new T; ask her if old T and she have talked and if you can meet before school starts to get more comfortable and see if it will work out between you, etc. It does not sound like feeling "between" the two is to your advantage at all so I'd see what I could do with new and try to chivvy her along.

[AllHeart]

I would send the both of them another check in email and tell them something like, "Two weeks have passed now and I am hoping that the two of you have been able to connect as I am anxious to resume my much needed therapy. Would appreciate any updates so I can best know how to proceed." If I didn't get a response within 24 hours, I'd move on to plan B (whatever that may be for you). Good luck! I hope it turns out how you want it to!

[Miswimmy1]

Part of what I want to talk about in future therapy is about my experience at a residential facility. It's a touchy subject among therapists because it has to do with a possible breach of ethics. My ExT cautioned me about how I bring up that subject when I'm interviewing new therapists and she and I decided that I would let her share that part of my treatment history with the new person.

As for finding a therapist at school, my college is in the middle of nowhere. Believe me, I would have found one near me, because I really enjoy the face-to-face contact.

I guess I just really want ExT to approve of this new t. I want to know that there will be no hiccups once I transition. I want to talk about said issue - and if it turns out that this therapist is going to reject me after hearing about this part of my past - then I'd rather wait to know that before opening up and finding out that she is going to reject me.

[ruh roh]

I don't know what it is you're dealing with, but in my experience, any therapist who rejects a client because of something that happened with another therapist (or rejects a client because of anything, really) is not a therapist that is worth anyone's time. I know the fear of that and have experienced the rejection, but in the long run, those therapists did me a favor because working with them on a long term basis would have been a nightmare.

I guess I am suggesting that you let these people weed themselves out. Not saying you need to share past therapist issues right off the bat--I don't actually think that's a winning strategy--but just work with them for a while and then see what feels right to share. There are therapists out there who will not shy away from injuries caused by other therapists. Again, I don't know what it is you're dealing with specifically, but I just wanted to say that if any therapist rejects you because of a past bad therapy experience you've had, that's all on them, not you, and you are well rid of them.