Do you consider that doing therapy means one is brave or anything of that nature?

Your comment made me realise that it's a good thing that my govt provides universal, subsidised healthcare, although people with complex trauma find it nearly impossible to find adequately trained trauma Ts.

Some charities also offer free counseling, although tragically it tends to be short term and woefully inadequate for the destitute people who need it most. :/

I wish quality therapy was affordable for all who need it.

I feel I really fortunate to have found my T in this inadequate system of my country though unfortunately she knows nothing about working with LGBT.

I was hoping there'd be a 'stupid' category.

7

For me, there have been times when continuing to breathe was brave

Yeah, no.

Thankfully, no T I've seen has used the word 'brave' -- that would be (more than usual) nausea-inducing when it comes to withstanding the onslaught of cliches that therapy can at times devolve into.

But, I have been told by more than one T that showing up for therapy is a sign of my (magical?) innate ability to make "healthy" choices -- it's usually happened (I've noticed) when they are floundering in figuring out how to address some very specific fears that I have verbalized (largely in relation to my family). I've mostly just not-so-subtly rolled my eyes in response and moved on.

I voted "No - not for me, but I can see how it could be for someone else" and this describes it for me very accurately. I personally don't tend to find my therapy sessions hard or trying with the therapist I am seeing now. I love to talk with him about anything and usually feel very connected to him. It is a pleasant and relaxing experience most of the time and not because it's just an idle chat -- more the opposite. I find the depth of discussions with him quite satisfying (as opposed to previous T, whom I found rather superficial). So there is not much requiring bravery and courage with regard to this therapy experience, it all feels quite natural. Sometimes I struggle between sessions because I can't wait to go to the next one but it's not obsessive really.

It was very different with my former T though especially towards the end and what I learned from all this is that the particular therapist, style, approach and especially the interpersonal compatibility makes a huge difference for me in these experiences.

Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I am not doing something right if my therapy sessions don't feel hard... but I've come to believe that struggling in therapy is not necessarily an indicator that it is or it is not working. This is my experience so far at least.

I also agree with the views that what required strength is not to break in some of the experiences I've been through in life, especially going through most of these without much external help. Discussing them, especially in retrospect, does not seem to require much courage for me.

You explained this very well. Very much my experience also.

The bravery isn't about the therapist. It isn't related to the money I pay (much of my therapy in the early years was free). My reaction to this question isn't at all related to the comfort and safety of the therapy room. Those things don't even cross my mind with the question. My reaction pertains to the internal experience of having to fight past my fears and having to go to places and explore a history that was terrorizing. That was a huge internal risk each and every time, and I do see doing that as an act of bravery for me -- time and time again. (I've never had a therapist call me brave by the way. This is my description from my own perspective.)

Ditto trailrunner.

To willingly go into the deepest, darkest, hellacious places within myself in efforts to make changes for a better life all while in the presence with another human being that I had to figure out how to learn how to trust(my t) has probably been one of the bravest things I have ever done. Therapy has led me to deal with some of the scariest s**t I never imagined having to face. Therapy still scares the s**t out of me sometimes. It's not for the faint of heart, IMO.

This too. Well put.

I suppose once again it's a matter of definitions. Some of the things posters are describing as bravery I would define as persistence, determination, strength, endurance, etc.

Part of the reason I am wary of the word brave in general is that to me - like the word evil - it is overused today. To me brave should refer to performing truly physically dangerous tasks that require almost superhuman grit, and the word evil should be reserved for truly depraved people and actions that fail to take into account others' humanity - not someone you just happen to disagree with politically, which is a very common usage these days. Others disagree, and that is fine.

Speaking of psychological manipulation, this whole thread makes me want to go reread Huxley.

Other- yes, it takes a very brave person to submit to therapy. I can't do it.

This was a good poll. Look at all the mixed results.

It's not that I'm not brave, I am very brave. For one of many, many reasons-- I have trust issues. This is one reason I need therapy. However, because I have trust issues, i can't trust the therapy or the therapist or even trust submitting myself to the outcome of the therapists diagnosis, etc...

I truly feel and agree with every word you posted!!

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Yes, exactly! Also, reminds me a bit (entirely due to the timing as I am savoring reading it now after coming to it rather late) of Doris Lessing's 'Prisons We Choose to Live Inside'.

Thanks for this. Love Lessing.

Wow, @ the first couple options. They are a bit biased.

Going to therapy can be a very brave act for a lot of people‚ but not because they're dealing with "the horrors of therapy" which implies that therapy itself is the 'horrible' thing, but because they are facing down whatever horrors they have experienced in their own life. They are daring to face their own demons and fears and trying to grow. They are daring to be vulnerable to those long hidden feelings.

Many people choose to live in misery and self-delusion their whole lives because the idea of questioning their past, their own beliefs in themselves, their family, or life's narrative is far too dangerous for them.

So yes. Brave indeed. It's hard work to really question yourself and your own behavior and to own up to things in order to do things differently, even if doing things differently is as simple as being kind to oneself and seeing one's own value in this world.

**** yeah, that's brave.

Interesting how strongly people feel about this!

For me, going to therapy doesn't require bravery because it's a lot less scary to try to deal with all this stuff with my therapist than without him. I get a lot of consolation from my therapy, as well as help in dealing with things, and in figuring out ways I can help myself. It would take a lot more bravery right now for me to try to live without this kind of support.

He has been a companion to me in my grief, and has given me so much help in being able to deal with some frightening and traumatic events in my life. Not having to try to do this all on my own has been a tremendous relief to me.

But I appreciate that for some it is an act of bravery. We're all different.

I know - I had no idea.

As for biased - I have never claimed to be completely unbiased. I did not really see the options as all that biased -but they are what they are. I do find therapy to be horrible and consider the act of therapy and dealing with the therapist itself to consist of horrors. If someone else does not - then fine with me.

I mentioned something about this in my post too. In terms of people not going to therapy, I think it's usually unconscious defenses rather than a conscious choice to live in misery and self-delusion. The concept of self-delusion itself means that someone is not aware that they need to change or need therapy.

Defense mechanisms are protective mechanisms that block the pain out. I blocked the pain as a child largely through dissociation. Then all my defenses crumbled and I continued therapy for many years and am still in it today. If my defenses didn't crumble--I'm not sure I would have even gone to therapy.

This really interests me as I've thought about this a lot. How my mother is. How people who don't go to therapy, some who are really messed up, but are happy doing what they want to do in life. I think for people in that situation, going to therapy could make them worse off. I think this especially of psychodynamic therapy rather than other types of therapies.

Generally speaking, I think people who go to therapy tend to experience issues that are ego-dystonic, while those who don't have issues that are ego-syntonic. Which to me doesn't seem to be a matter of choice whether or not to face things, but rather the way one's psyche formed during the development years.

Pain is a great motivator, too.

I don't like using the word "brave" for doing things where are you not risking your life or your comfort (aka... standing up to tanks on Tiananmen square is brave... going to therapy is a way to cope. Words like brave should be reserved for the special things, otherwise they become meaningless cluster of letters).

Courageous maybe at times, smart move... but eh, one has to deal in some way. We got too used to being able to survive without actually having to deal with things and making decisions and whatnot.

I have heard this twice in the last 2 years... Normally I ignore things like this... First of all I do not want to think about whether I am brave or not as it has very little personal meaning... It is like be told you are smart or lazy...
As my mind would start to think... "I am brave as compared to whom?"

And why would I care in the first place? The phrase I am here aren't I would have more meaning.

As for why a therapist would say this?
*speculation alert* to encourage you? To give a positive affirmation? To try and connect with you?

If I go on the dark side of why then I surly would not be going to the next appointment.

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[QUOTE=venusss;5264352]I don't like using the word "brave" for doing things where are you not risking your life or your comfort (aka... standing up to tanks on Tiananmen square is brave... going to therapy is a way to cope.

What if going to therapy 'feels' like one is risking their life because of issues in the past. It certainly is risking my comfort every time and feels like I am risking my life pretty often. That is how hard opening up to someone is for me and therefore I do believe that I am being brave in order to do this. Pretty brave indeed.

First, "horrors of therapy" can indeed refer to the therapeutic process. It may not be what SD means by the phrase, but even good therapy can be pretty horrible for people - the reluctance to open up, the shame that someone else knows your secrets, the pain of transference, etc. Those are things that are intimately linked to the process of therapy.

Second, there is a difference between bravery and hard work (your last paragraph implies they are closely related). I am willing to say that therapy is hard work (for the client), but to be done hard work does not require bravery.

I just don't think of myself as brave by going to therapy and making changes in my life, etc. To me that diminishes the term - it should be reserved for more extraordinary events. Boris Yeltsin on a tank in Red Square resisting the Soviet coup. The Green Revolution in Iran. Other people can view it as brave if they feel it applies to them. I am not telling anyone that they are not brave.



Good therapy provides a safety net - there is someone to catch you if you fall.

No. 1 also once called me "heroic." Going to therapy and engaging in the process isn't heroic at all. It's just rolling up your sleeves and getting to work.

You know, I never thought about therapy as a safety net... I never had one before and if I got caught in safety net I probably would think I was caught in a net...

Rather confusing idea to me that a therapist is someone I pay to be interdependent to. Not sure that is a working model for me. Never the less a therapist is someone I expect to be rational & objective.

To me going to a therapist has nothing to do with being brave or safety. I am there because something or things are not working and they need to be repaired. (The C work for a therapist is to be competent to make this repair) Then it time to pick up life and move on.

Cheers

Yes I do think that doing therapy is brave and courageous. When we go to therapy we are willing to look at painful things other opt not to, we choose to help ourselves and to take back our power and choices instead of being the victim. I believe that isn't easy and does take courage.

I never thought of myself as a victim or thought I did not have choices. Perhaps whether one considers it brave or not depends upon how one views oneself and what one sought therapy for in the first place.