You know when things begin to make sense in your head
When I was talking with T about my feelings toward her, I drove home feeling I didn't quite get the soft cuddly T.
I guess unconsciously I was hoping to be taken in her lap type of thing.
But as i looked at the discussion objectively, it was as it should be between 2 adults. That T's slight emotional distance - though I could be wrong about that - was enabling me to 'stand up'.

In my mind i wanted to be infantantized. I wanted her to say she feels the same about me too! But in my rational mind I realized how unhealthy that would be.

Is hard to verbalize. But I could understand how T has to balance responding, but not in a way that keeps be clinging.
It's actually a very well played role.
In my mind i could see how if T had been the touchy feely type I sometimes read about, I would have got instant gratification, BUT, and this is the vital part. I would have been stuck.

Does that make sense. I felt a bit of a disappointment, afterwards, but that was running parallel with the feeling, I'd grown up a notch in that season too.
As I say, it's hard to explain. It's an inner experince.
T is like that good enough mother, that is willing to put the child first!

[Waterbear]

I get it Mouse and I think your T did good. It could be easy to be instantly gratified and it could be easy for her to do it but it isn't what is best. My Old T explained this to me to explain why my New T wasn't saying or doing the things I wanted her to. Like when I had said I was scared that if I dropped something on the floor she would shout at me. She wouldn't tell me she wouldn't shout at me and it frustrated me. Old T explained that she WS trying to let me learn through experience because that is a deep learning, not a head learning, if that makes sense. That said I still don't understand what would be so bad about saying it and when New T and I talked about she did say that she wouldn't shout at me of I dropped something. But, she has never said things like 'I won't leave you' or 'I will always be here for you' which I am thankful for because neither of us can tell what the future holds.

Anyway, I digress. Just to say I get it and I think that is good work, albeit painful to acknowledge that it cannot be and that you are growing up.

Originally Posted by Waterbear

I get it Mouse and I think your T did good. It could be easy to be instantly gratified and it could be easy for her to do it but it isn't what is best. My Old T explained this to me to explain why my New T wasn't saying or doing the things I wanted her to. Like when I had said I was scared that if I dropped something on the floor she would shout at me. She wouldn't tell me she wouldn't shout at me and it frustrated me. Old T explained that she WS trying to let me learn through experience because that is a deep learning, not a head learning, if that makes sense. That said I still don't understand what would be so bad about saying it and when New T and I talked about she did say that she wouldn't shout at me of I dropped something. But, she has never said things like 'I won't leave you' or 'I will always be here for you' which I am thankful for because neither of us can tell what the future holds.

Anyway, I digress. Just to say I get it and I think that is good work, albeit painful to acknowledge that it cannot be and that you are growing up.

Yeah, you've got it!

[Gavinandnikki]

I totally get it and I like your therapist!