[justme1234]

4 years ago my therapist (of almost 5 years) who I have been very close with and trust suggested I try hot yoga as we both enjoyed yoga and she thought it would be therapeutic and good for me. She is very much into yoga, and knows all the studios in our town. I confirmed with her that it was the only place in town and verified that it was OK if I ended up attending the same class she did. We would not be going together, but just might end up going at the same time. She was ok with that.

I went and the first time I was there, the male yoga instructor became exceptionally handsy. I had be doing yoga for years and this was the first time I had ever been touched. When I had my session with my therapist, I mentioned this to her and she said I was over reacting and it happens some times. I felt that he was basically mounting me, but didn't tell her that. I felt embarrassed to tell her what he did. So I agreed that I may have over reacted. I went back and he pushed further then before. I felt it was highly inappropriate and told my therapist again, but didn't tell her exactly what he did. She again assured me that it was nothing to worry about. I went back a third time (might have been the second time I went) and it was a woman who never touched me. So I went back a fourth time and he was there.

During the last position he reached down and grabbed my crotch firmly. I elbowed him in the chest and just kind of froze, he backed off. I told my therapist that I was never going back and I didn't like the guy. I told her he grab my inner thigh on a position where that wasn't important because I was so overwhelmed by what happened. She said that she thought he was cute and that he was probably gay. I stated that I had no doubt he is gay since I'm a man. I just walked away from it when she told me if I didn't like going, to just not go. Actually ran away.

I've been having a lot of troubles with it lately. I tried to go back to a yoga studio and the panic attack I had from it caused me to throw up. I've since had many panic attacks. I very recently started going back to her and revealed that I had a problem going back to yoga but hadn't told her the reason why yet. I told her that I would build up to the issue, because I wasn't really ready to talk about it yet.

On Saturday, the day that I tend to get them (also the same day of the week I that I went to Yoga) I started a panic attack that wouldn't' stop. I sent her an email letting her know that the yoga instructor had actually sexually assaulted me, and then I texted her as that I had emailed her. She spoke with me on the phone and asked why I didn't tell her all of it before I said she didn't believe me and brushed me off. She did her best to reassure me that I was safe, made sure I was safe from myself and said we would talk about it at our next session. And this time she would listen.

The panic attacks wouldn't stop and around 2 AM on Sunday morning I went to the police station and reported it. It was pretty horrible, but I felt it needed to be done. I informed my therapist on Sunday afternoon and she has been checking on me via text everyday. I also called a friend on Sunday who I told and she has been staying with me ever since. The only time I really feel safe is when I am at work since I work in a secured environment.

While I was gathering information on him via the internet so I could turn over all I knew to the police, (maybe not the smartest move) I found out looking at HIS Facebook that she is facebook friends with him. She has been attending classes with him and he's been her instructor for some time. I don't think they do like dinner and drinks together or anything, but they may have had some outside the class interaction.

Input requested:

[stopdog]

Input about what? Do you want to leave the therapist? Did you ever try just telling the yoga guy not to touch you?

[atisketatasket]

So I'm not sure what input you want, either, but I'd go talk to your therapist as planned. Facebook friends covers a wide range of relationships.

Also I'd complain to the owner of the yoga studio about the guy.

[unaluna]

This happened 4 years ago?

[Argonautomobile]

I'm sorry this happened to you, Just me. I would feel uncomfortable talking to a T who knew/recommended the person who caused me so much grief. I think it's best to be upfront about this and discuss your concerns with your T. If you don't think you can do that, then perhaps another T might be best. Good luck, whatever you decide.

[justme1234]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Input about what? Do you want to leave the therapist? Did you ever try just telling the yoga guy not to touch you?

How other people might handle this situation. I depend on my T's opinion and help. She really let me down. I'm unsure if I should continue with her or not. And oh ya, I told him no. But if saying no stopped people, well, the world would be a much better place.

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

So I'm not sure what input you want, either, but I'd go talk to your therapist as planned. Facebook friends covers a wide range of relationships. Also I'd complain to the owner of the yoga studio about the guy.

I agree that Facebook friends cover a wide range of relationships and to a lot of people they don't mean much (including me). And they may be nothing more then instructor and student. But it's also the same instructor she leaned to when dismissing my words.

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

I'm sorry this happened to you, Just me. I would feel uncomfortable talking to a T who knew/recommended the person who caused me so much grief. I think it's best to be upfront about this and discuss your concerns with your T. If you don't think you can do that, then perhaps another T might be best. Good luck, whatever you decide.

I can talk to her about it, but at the same time, a major concern I have is that I do look towards her for advice. We have become very close over the years and get along well. The idea of starting over is not something I want to consider.

[annielovesbacon]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. To me, it's a warning sign that your T brushed you off so many times. She should have listened to your concerns and not taken it personally that you didn't like the yoga instructor who appears to be her friend.
Have you talked about it in session, after telling her you were sexually assaulted and after she said this time, she will listen?
My advice would be to see how she reacts in the next session. If she really does listen and believe your words and your experience, and not defend the yoga instructor or brush it off, I think I would chalk it up to, your T made a mistake because she was involved personally, but she has learned from it. If she does in fact defend the yoga instructor, or not take you seriously still, it's definitely time to see a new T.

I'm struggling to understand the timescale of this, because 4 years seems a long time for this to have been an issue with your T. For me, any therapist who minimises a client's negative reaction to being touched (even if she didn't have all the details) has no business being a therapist.
She tried to reassure you that you were safe? That's not her job in this scenario, her job is to validate your experiences. This goes to show that dual relationships in therapy are a bad idea. She clearly felt some loyalty to the instructor when all of her loyalty should have been with you and your experiences, especially in your therapy hour.
I would personally find a new therapist and not look back. Take care of yourself.

[justme1234]

Thank you for the input annielovesbacon and Echos Myron.

The fact that she may see him on Tuesday and get a "nice job on your yoga" high-five and then see me on Thursday where I describe feelings or the many issues I have with what happened seems like a major conflict of interest. I don't know the answer, but when I put that question to her, on how I am supposed to deal with her seeing him and continuing to take me seriously, she will need to provide a damn good answer. I don't know what answer that is, but it better be good. Otherwise I will need to go.