Do you want to reassure the therapist you hire?

Personally, I have never felt the need to "reassure" any therapist I've consulted over the years. I've been disappointed by Ts I've met with and didn't make another appointment, and if any of them had inquired why, I'd have had no difficulty giving them my opinion of where they have fallen short. Of course, none of them have inquired. The two Ts I did stick with for a period of time, I would let them know when I felt they did something that wasn't helpful or was outright hurtful, and I have also given them feedback about things I felt were helpful or healing. I see it as giving the T information or a roadmap for working effectively with me. I wouldn't be interested in seeing a T who obviously needed or fished for compliments or reassurance. I don't like that in myself so I sure wouldn't like it in the person I was working with!

I do give postive feedback sometimes. I think I give it when T ask how I think the therapy is going. Current T also reassures me that I can say it if there's something that I don't like. So far I think it's going alright. When I don't agree with something I say it.

With PrevT I found it hard to say it if something about her was bothering me. That had also to do with my attachment to her and me being afraid she won't like me.
I still have it with her. I'm afraid to her her say something negative about me. I've said or wrote a few things to her that were ''negative'' and then I feel a bit guilty about that.

If I like the T, then I find it hard to say ''negative'' things to her.
Before them I didn't had good therapists. I didn't express my critism because I was afraid for their reactions and for confrontations.
I have it also with other people. It's something I should work on.

I don't reassure my therapist. That's not my job. I do, however, let her know when something she's done is appreciated or when something is particularly helpful. I'm an animal trainer, it's kind of ingrained in me to provide positive feedback when I see a behavior I want to reinforce. I know my therapist appreciates the feedback I give to her. I think the feedback is important to have a solid working relationship.

I don't really gush on about how much I appreciate something or anything like that. If I've been having a particularly difficult time and my therapist has worked with me outside of office hours, then when I'm feeling more stable, I will let her know that her time was appreciated. If something she's said or done has been particularly helpful, then I'll usually say "hey, that thing you said/did was helpful." Nothing over the top, just acknowledgement.

This is a really interesting discussion and I think there are so many angles to look at it from. As someone in the field, I can say I do not do what I do in order to feel adored or needed by clients. I also don't need "reassurance", that's not part of the job description and the last thing I think a client should think about. However, I think most therapists want to do a good job and will ask for feedback to make sure they are on the right track. If they are not, I think they should know that too.

As a client, I will say thank you at the end of a session just out of habit (that kind of thank you is not reserved for therapists). I wouldn't thank them for anything necessarily related to them and have never told one I loved or even strongly like them. It's not in my nature to say something like that randomly to anyone but I think I'd feel even weirder talking this way to a therapist. It's their job to help people so it's not like they are going out of their way to do something special for me. I might mention if a technique or something they said was helpful, however, but not usually much more. I wouldn't be doing this out of a need to provide reassurance but just as communication.

I don't doubt that some people enter the profession are in it to feel needed and feed their ego (the "healers"). I don't read a lot of therapist's blogs since I find them to be cringeworthy and the authors rather douchey. The fact that these Ts think what they have to say is so interesting tells me they have a huge ego. I don't think they are representative of the average therapist although I could be wrong. I think there is a difference in how a therapist perceives their role based on geographic location (west versus east coast especially) and what methodology they use.

I don't think criticizing someone because of their chosen profession is the equivalent of an ism. I'll agree it's judgmental, and not always very nice, but not anything egregious. I've heard worse things said about lawyers and they're often despised just because of their profession (a close family member has often been questioned of his morals because of this). Teachers are often disrespected on a daily basis by the people they serve. So I think most Ts should handle what their clients say except in the most extreme situations. Reassurance implies insecurity to me, and I don't think an insecure person would do well as a therapist. As a client I wouldn't want to work with a T that I'd feel the need to "take care of" in this way. I'd actually resent it, I think.

As a lawyer and a person who teaches at a university - I certainly have interactions with people who are not enamoured of either.
As a public defender not a day went by that at least one person in my office, if not more, got told the client was going to go hire a real attorney. And professors get beat up on all the time about the cost, the uselessness, the liberalness etc of their profession. It is not, to me, a big deal.

I do think more of those guys like being admired and looked up to and thought wonderful by their clients than perhaps they admit, or to be all psychologyish - are conscious of. Being admired is a bit seductive. But the point of my question - was do you as a client do it?

Not for reassurance but I like to review periodically how therapy goes, whether I benefit and how, what works well and what I want changed. I discuss these with the therapist, good and bad and in between. I like my current T a lot and I think it works toward my original goals and even beyond, so he hears positive things quite regularly. But I am never shy to be critical or question something either.

I say thanks when I feel thankful for something they have done. I don't do it to reassure them, though. I tend to say thanks to a lot of people, even when they are just doing their job. I thank my hair cutter, I thank my eye doctor... And I like it when people thank me even though I am just "doing my job." My goal is to be helpful to people so I appreciate the feedback.

I also give feedback like "I think brainspotting is hugely helpful". I do this because I want them to continue doing what I am appreciating. I suppose that could be seen as manipulative as in I don't say "please keep doing brainspotting." But I think it conveys the same basic idea. I do this because how else would they know that something is helpful. And I want them to do the things that help. In my own professional life I find feedback about how I am doing useful as well.

T3 definitely does not need reassurance. T2 would probably like it, but I don't offer it.

I asked my therapist how is vacation is and validate to confirm whether a technique he uses is useful or could be useful, otherwise if I completely just go with the flow I might get the type of therapy I do not want. I let him lead the topics for now because I want to see where he plans on taking things. I threw him some tough issues at him first session, because I wanted to see his response. I'm hopeful.

I think yes. I want them to know I like them (if I do). I think this feels more like an old survival skill, as I think was mentioned by someone else. For instance, after seeing T for 2 months I wrote a review of him online... glowing. Well, I do feel that way about him now (most days) but I think at the time of writing it, it was wishful thinking, or a way for me to get him to like me more. I included my initials and hometown in the review... so there was no mistaking me for another client. Yes, pretty manipulative.

That's because you're healthy, probably. But as someone who has hired a lot of therapists over the years my initial unhealthy psychological state made it so that I didn't respond like that. It's a conundrum. I was an adult consumer but lacked the ability to make good decisions for myself because of a psychological condition that I didn't -- arguably couldn't -- fully understand when I was looking for therapists to hire.

I don't feel the need to reassure my T. The only thing that is similar that I can think of is sometimes T will make an observation or interpretation and she will ask me if she has understood me correctly or if she has missed the mark. She pretty much always gets it right and I will tell her so, not to make T feel good about herself but just because I want to confirm that we are on the same page. I wish T would reassure me more often but that's a whole other issue!

My T would never ask for reassurance or expect it, but I do let him know he is appreciate, trusted and that I'm really getting more out of my therapy with him than I ever had with anyone else. I really want to let him know how what he is giving me is helping.

No, reassuring my therapist was never a priority. If I was reassuring her that I was doing better than I was, well then I would be wasting my therapy. If I felt like she was doing a therapy technique that worked, I would give positive feedback but I do not consider that it was "reassurance". My goal wasn't to bolster her ego but keep open communication.